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Vastaux

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Didn't think i'd be here again, 4 years after last coming here to recover from an ex who didn't want me back after i broke up with her. Now after being in a relationship with someone else for 20 Months i've done the same thing... Broken it off. I wasn't putting 100% into the relationship. No sex life (No desire either). Didn't see a future and felt the best thing to do was end it now rather than dragging the relationshi[ through the mud for months/years like i did my last relationship and breaking up anyway but with many more years resentment.

 

I feel my reasoning for breaking up is valid. I wasn't happy and saw no way to be happy with my ex, i still have feelings for her, care for her but i don't love her like that anymore. We finished a week ago yesterday (Sat 25). She moved out that day and collected the rest of her stuff monday. She's kept saying she wants to stay friends and she thinks i made the right decision all why giveing subtle and not so subtle hints she actually wants to get back together. She saw nothing wrong with the relationship and thought the world of me.

 

Tonight i told her outright i didn't want to talk anymore, she wore me down after constant talking. I know NC is the best way to heal, i learnt that from here before but tried to be as respectful as possible but i can't take the emotional stress that comes with trying to be friends with someone who loves you and wants more brings.

 

I'm fighting the feelings of "Have i made the right decision" to " I don't want to see her hurting like this" and all while i keep thinking how i somehow 'Deserve' all of this as i was the one that broke it of.

 

It was 2 years in-between my last relationship and the 1 that just ended.

 

Sometimes i wonder whether the good times of being in a loveing relationship really do outweigh dealing with the fallout when it ends.

 

So yeah, Hi all. Probably gonna be here again for a while.

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I'm struggling to answer the same questions myself,

What I'm telling myself is that I need to assess what I've learned about myself, what I need to work on, what's acceptable is as and to accept the decision that has been made.

What ifs can destroy a person!

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Try and focus your mind and stop feeling guilty.

 

It sounds like you have done the right thing and early on.

 

I really hope you can move on quickly as you sound like a considerate person for doing what you did.

 

You could have stayed with her for much longer and put your feelings off.

 

NC is the best way you said it yourself.

 

I hope you feel better soon!

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Nobody feels 'good' about a breakup. You're right, while friendship may seem possible sometime in the far future, right now it makes no sense. Every bit of kindness is likely to be misread as a possible desire to reconcile, and that's not 'healing,' it scab ripping.

 

We all need to play the role of the bad guy in order to end a relationship. While that never feels fabulous, it's not productive to press yourself into an unnecessary guilt trip. Lean into the bad guy role just enough to accomplish a clean ending, and then ditch the hat--it serves no purpose after that.

 

Head high.

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Hey vastaux, I read your old post. Your last post mentioned with your older ex , even at the 1 year post breakup mark you were hurting. When did you actually get over her? Did the most recent ex help take away that pain?

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