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he says it doesn't feel right


Mcqueen

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Hi everyone,

 

I've tried very hard to not be a pain and post this but Im wrecking myself just thinking about this - please help me make sense of this situation.

 

Met a guy through work (a client but does not work directly with me). We went on a date and things went pretty well. By third date he started to open up about how he got screwed over in past relationships, really busy with work/life, doing up his house blablabla - typical signs... Still we continued to see each other on and off. He would go hot and cold. I started to ask questions around where he saw the relationship going and point blank he said he didnt have time, already feared the worse before anything even started, is a relationship trainwreck - these were his own words.

 

Anyway, we took a bit of time out i.e. 3 months to give each other space. I broke the NC rule and got in touch during the cricket world cup (he is a massive fan). He said he missed me and we started seeing each other again. After our second weekend together, he disappears for a couple of days (for a bike ride tournament). The Sunday he was back, he text me to say he couldnt see me anymore because it didnt feel right.

 

He said sorry for doing this twice. I lose it and called him a D-bag.

 

Its been about 4 weeks now and I go from angry to sad to missing him. I know i should move on. I want to text him to ask what he meant by it didnt feel right - was it me, our age (10 year difference), work/client relationship, am I not good enough- but im holding myself from it.

 

I dont feel like I have even moved forward and have been stuck ever since. Please put some sense into me!!!

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He told you by the third date who he was, the problem was that you didn't believe him. It's one thing not to believe when outsiders give you their opinions on a situation, but when the person in question tells you who they are, listen to them, believe them, and don't think for a second that they will change for you.

He was honest with you, so you have no reason to be angry with him. Plus, hot and cold never translates into a healthy, harmonious relationship, so that should have been your second clue.

 

Do yourself a favor and don't text him anymore. It doesn't matter why he said it didn't feel right, what you need to take from this experience is that he doesn't feel you are someone he wants to get serious with, and that you really need to let go and move on.

Being stuck in the limbo of someone who blows hot and cold and toys with your feelings is a horrible place to be, and it's up to you to make sure you don't get there.

 

You gave him a chance, he blew it more than once, enough. There are guys out there who are looking for the same things you are, so put yourself out there and meet one of those.

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Agree with greta96. He told you everything about how it was going to go and how he is not looking for a relationship with you on that third date. You should have said, "Oh well, I'm looking for something serious," and gotten up and walked out right then and there if you couldn't handle the fact that for him, you are not the one. You were a time passer and then he thought better of it or found someone else.

 

That's it, it really is as simple as that. He'll happily accept you chasing from time to time, but that's all he's ever going to accept. And I shouldn't have to tell you that dating a client is a massively bad idea anyways. What if he decides to get nasty and complain to your boss about you on something trumped up.

 

You aren't missing him. You're missing the fantasy you had about him and it all working out and him being a great guy who'd fall in love with you. But you don't miss him, because who in their right mind misses someone that jerks them around and stands them up and tells them. "You aren't the one for me," both in words and action.

 

Move on. You can do better. Find a guy that actually wants to date you, not someone who's so lazy they just go "Oh fine, I have nothing better to do, I suppose I can go see her since she's making all the effort and I have to do nothing."

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