I get jealous easily... what do I do when other guys talk to my girlfriend?

[Slim Dog]

A little background info about me - I'm 18, and I have a really bad jealousy issue. I'm generally good at hiding it, but it bugs me on the inside. My girlfriend is shy/reserved/beautiful and introverted. I'm extroverted, but we get along ridiculously well. We're extremely attached to each other (we've been friends since 2013, but we started dating in 2015), and I know she feels exactly the same way about me that I do about her.

 

Anyway, kids at the school are nothing hot. No muscular kids, most of 'em weigh 110-130. Here I am, an aesthetic 5'9" 155lbs with 13% b/f. Even though I'm not that big, I still feel alpha by comparison (I'm not a douche.. I'm a really nice guy, but sometimes my ego can get the best of me). Even though I think she's the most beautiful girl in the world, for some reason her guy "friends" (I think their dudes that attempt to hit on her while she's waiting to get picked up from school) are flat out unattractive, weak, and nerdy. I'm not worried about them, honestly. but I am. I don't know. I've always had low self esteem. Even though I'm 30lbs heavier than I used to be and strong now, I can still remember all the depression I went through, and it still comes back to me (though not as much). Haha actually I started working out one year ago to impress her.

 

The other day, I was walking up to her to pick her up from school (she didn't notice me at this point) and she was standing by a wall and her fatass ginger socially awkward ex boyfriend (her "first love") was talking to her, then he put his hand by her neck or on her shoulder or something. I heard her say "don't touch me" and he moved his hand, but that enraged me on the inside. I wanted to walk up, kindly introduce myself as her new boyfriend, and tell him I'll break both his ing wrists if he touched her again. I had a dream that we were in a club one night (god knows why... she has social anxiety so this'd be the last place I'd expect her to be), and some lame looking kid came up and started hitting on her while I was in the bathroom or something. Last thing I can remember is me punching him as hard as I could in the face, and I woke up.

 

Sometimes I'll pick her up and there's just this scrawny, geeky dude talkin to her (I can tell by her face that she doesn't enjoy it), and I hate that. I don't want to cause a scene, or look like a fool in front of a bunch of kids. So instead of telling him to piss off, I usually just end up flexing casually, I put my hand on her waist, and walk her to my car.

 

Should I say something to or intimidate these guys that talk to her or just blow it off? How can I stop getting so ing jealous over small things? What would y'all do if you were in my shoes.

Apparently my girlfriend also gets jealous easily if that helps yall.

[Birdie]

You have no right to try to "intimidate" these other guys. It's your girlfriends responsibility to establish appropriate boundaries with her male friends, which she also is allowed to have. It also seems she has no problem standing up for herself if she told her ex off. Acting nasty towards them doesn't make you tough or an alpha, it makes you look like an insecure jerk.

 

From your post I would be very concerned with you developing some controlling behaviour. Your jealousy issues seem to be tied back to low self-esteem, so I would suggest working with a counsellor to get to the bottom of these issues.

[Andrina]

It's normal to be jealous if someone is trying to touch or flirt with your significant other. No, you shouldn't say anything to those guys. She was quite capable of handling the guy that touched her, and she did so. If she ever needs your help, she'll ask. You are not in competition with other guys. She chose you. You actually will lose her if you act like a crazed jealous person, so do as you've been doing. Go put your arm around her and be the affectionate, caring guy that you are. Confidence is the biggest attractor, so keep working on your self esteem. Most women love a man who makes her a priority, but has his own life of hobbies, interests and friends beside her as well. Be a well rounded, caring guy who she has a lot of fun with, and you will be the most exciting, handsome guy in her eyes, and everyone else will pale in comparison.

[Slim Dog]

You have no right to try to "intimidate" these other guys. It's your girlfriends responsibility to establish appropriate boundaries with her male friends, which she also is allowed to have. It also seems she has no problem standing up for herself if she told her ex off. Acting nasty towards them doesn't make you tough or an alpha, it makes you look like an insecure jerk.

 

From your post I would be very concerned with you developing some controlling behaviour. Your jealousy issues seem to be tied back to low self-esteem, so I would suggest working with a counsellor to get to the bottom of these issues.

I appreciate your reply, but I'm not controlling AT ALL and I don't need counselling lmfao. I just don't like people hitting on or touching my girlfriend, sorry that's such a big ing deal.

[Birdie]

If you read my post I said it could lead to developing controlling behaviour in the future. Hardly a need to get upset or lash out, advice was offered based on what you wrote and the tone came off to me as such.

 

What steps have you taken to deal with your self admitted low self esteem issues?

 

And if you just don't like people hitting on or touching your girlfriend, she seems able to take care of herself, so what kind of advice are you looking for? If you start to feel jealous just remind yourself that she's chosen to be with you and she seems very good at setting boundaries.

[Swanseagirl]

Oh come on, she loves you, you love her, she's beautiful you can hardly blame these guys for trying but she's not interested at all, and they are probably jealous of you, if I would feel anything towards them I would be feeling sorry for them! You and your GF both seem to have interest in each other and each other only so nothing to worry about there and if you do make a scene with these other guys you will show them your insecure and that you in your mind actually think one of these guys can actually take your GF away from you. Don't give them the satisfaction of knowing it even bothers you because I'm sure that will make their day. Plus your GF might not be too impressed at you kicking off on these guys for no reason, she's told them she's not interested and they know she's with you.

[catfeeder]

Should I say something to or intimidate these guys that talk to her or just blow it off?

 

No, that's douche behavior and she'll tire of that quickly. The bottom line is, she's survived for 18 years without you policing her interactions, and she's chosen you. If you want to screw that up, allow your insecurities to drive your behavior. This will come off as suffocating, and it will snuff out the love.

 

Since you already know that this has been a problem for you for a long time, I'd consider working with your school mental health counselor or another counselor who's on your insurance plan. Otherwise, this isn't likely to resolve itself--it's something you can be taught how to manage.