Jump to content

M-51/F-25 Currently Happy in Our Own World.


Recommended Posts

I've secretly been dating a 51 year old man from my workplace for almost 4 months now. I've never dated a much older man but I'm finding that he's fulfilling every desire I have for a relationship. Unlike most men I've dated, he has a career, not a job, he makes it clear that he will do anything for me, he doesn't play mind games, he's protective but not overbearing or intrusive. He is proud to be with me and wants to show me off as much ad possible. I make him happy and he makes that clear to me. He adores me and wants to spend his free time with me and talks openly and honestly about our future. He knows what he wants in life and is not afraid to go after it. We are also very sexually compatable. I find all these things very attractive and it's been impossible to find a man around my own age with these same qualites. I'm mature for 25 and I feel like we just get along so well. He's never been married because he knew he never found "the one". He does have 2 children 15 and 20 which is ok because I don't want kids of my own so this is not a concern of mine for the future.

 

At work our connection is undeniable. Hes not my boss, we work in different departments but we spend alot of time together, have inside jokes and the way we look at each other, I feel like people already know, they just don't acknowledge it in front of us. We do go out in public and I'm not ashamed to be with him I'm just nervous about how people and family will react to our relationship. His son knows about us and is not making a big deal about it. I'm not sure that making our relationship known at work is a good idea, even though we have no rules against dating in the workplace. I think my family will not understand at first but they will come around if they see how happy I am.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't see your parents coming around on this one. And in another 10 years your sex life may not be quite the same...and you will be 35.

 

And a general rule of thumb is that a relationship that is hidden hasn't much of a prayer in the light of day.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Things to note: His libido will die down long before you hit menopause. You can't have kids (you said you're ok with this). If you stay together, you are signing up to take care of him in his old age (80's, 90's) when you're still relatively young. You will live a long time alone, if you don't remarry after his passes away.

 

I know it's hard to think of these practical things when you're in love...

Link to post
Share on other sites

What about you? You talk a lot about him ... (him being proud of you, adoring you, you making HIM happy etc.)

And you say: " I find all these things very attractive and it's been impossible to find a man around my own age with these same qualites"

 

If you are in love with him, happy in your relationship, and if YOU accept the age gap, others will naturally respect your relationship.

If you are always questionning yourself about your age gap (or other things), people won't respect/accept your relationship.

 

Be happy!

Link to post
Share on other sites

i dated a 42 year old when i was 25...it was fun at first but after a while i could see that we were just at 2 different points in our life..i knew after that it was only a matter of time before it ended.

Link to post
Share on other sites

You say you are mature for 25, but you are not if you are hiding him from your family.

 

If you are happy, age doesn't matter - but keeping a relationship a secret to your family, etc, and sneaking around does not give you a real idea of what the relationship is like. Sure, he'll do anything for you. He is sleeping with a hot 25 year old with a young body who wants him. Stage of life DOES matter - he'll be having grandkids in a few years, might not want another child. What if you want a child now or in a few years? If he never "met the one" how sure are you that he is not set in his ways and won't marry you either. What do you have in common besides sex?

 

Another thing to think about - he has TWO kids and never committed to marriage. I can see someone having one child when they were young by accident and being a committed parent, but not marrying the mother, but TWO kids, especially with the same woman - and being in his 30s when they were born - he wasn't a lovestruck or irresponsible kid. If she wasn't "the one" - it should have ended with one kid.

 

Anyway, you are going to do what you want to do - but just keep your eyes open on this. Big time.

Link to post
Share on other sites

You are old enough to do what you want. What if he just doesn't believe in marriage, and he never really wants to get married? One caution, you haven't found these same qualities in a man your age because you are 25, and you could date some more. Would you be happier if he were 25?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 3 weeks later...

He is old enough to be your father,. Sorry, but very very gross. It can not last and he will be looking at retirement style living soon while you want to start a life. Ten guys who see that you have a "daddy ex" will think you are emotionally lacking and looking for either a sugar daddy or a father figure. This is not a good idea.

 

I am sorry if I seemed harsh.

Link to post
Share on other sites
He is old enough to be your father,. Sorry, but very very gross. It can not last and he will be looking at retirement style living soon while you want to start a life. Ten guys who see that you have a "daddy ex" will think you are emotionally lacking and looking for either a sugar daddy or a father figure. This is not a good idea.

 

I am sorry if I seemed harsh.

 

What age gap would be less gross? 20 years? 15 years? Just being with an older guy does not make him a sugar daddy or the woman emotionally lacking. Those are just widely circulated stereotypes.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 4 weeks later...

I say 15 years is the limit, just simply as long as he is not old enough to be your father. My GF is 15 years younger, and it was a very difficult decision to start up with her, but I am glad we did. However, she is only 7 years older than my son so.... 15 is pushing it.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...
I'm just nervous about how people and family will react to our relationship. His son knows about us and is not making a big deal about it.

Isn't his son "family"?

 

I'm mature for 25

I want to meet a 25 year old who says they're immature for a 25 year old. I don't think I ever will.

 

I'm not sure that making our relationship known at work is a good idea, even though we have no rules against dating in the workplace. I think my family will not understand at first but they will come around if they see how happy I am.

I'm not sure if you have a question.

 

If your workplace doesn't have rules against dating or relationships then don't actively make a point of making it known, but don't try and keep it such a secret either, unless you have good reason to. Just be professional at work and be romantic at home or when you go out together. Don't flaunt your relationship at work, irrespective of rules and ages. At work you're paid to work.

 

Your parents will be concerned that you're wasting your time with someone inappropriate for you. A big age gap will be a factor in what they think but you are in the best place to decide how much of a factor.

 

His parents might be concerned that he's wasting his time with someone inappropriate for him. A big age gap will be a factor in what they think but he is in the best place to decide how much of a factor.

 

Your friends will be concerned that you're wasting your time blah blah blah you get the picture now?

 

People who are not family or friends will either not care, or might be jealous. If they are that's their problem. Unless they're in a position to affect you or him negatively. If you have any colleagues or managers like that, then it could become your problem too.

 

It doesn't sound like either of you have any conflict of interest as in another partner or romantic interest anywhere.

 

He does have 2 children 15 and 20 which is ok because I don't want kids of my own so this is not a concern of mine for the future.

Correction: it's not a concern of yours now. The future is unpredictable. Biologically for you a desire for children might or might not manifest itself within the next 10-15 years, after that it's far less likely. Mentally or emotionally I can't say, everyone is different. But how much of your biological desire is masked by your current situation, by past events, by other possible future desires?

 

For him, especially as he already has children who are adults or close enough to it, I'd say whatever desire he has for more children (if any at all) will only decrease.

 

Age is not just a number, but it's also not the only thing important in how well a relationship works. Don't dismiss it as irrelevant, but don't let it on its own become a stumbling block for your relationship to trip up over.

 

One possible risk is that his health will suffer sooner than yours because of age, and instead of being someone who looks after you, he becomes someone you need to look after. That will test your loyalty to the relationship, especially if someone younger and healthier than him attracts your interest. Your comments about your claimed maturity level and not wanting children makes me think that is something to worry about.

Edited by winniethepooh
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 4 weeks later...

The fact that you are here writing this post shows that you yourself are insecure about the age difference. If he's a great guy and you want it to work, then be proud of the relationship and stop hiding it from certain people. No one wants to be kept a secret, not in a loving relationship anyway. Sure, we can list out all the different ways the odds are against the relationship working out long term, but nothing is impossible if two people are invested.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...

Women don't really come into their sexual peak until they hit 35 or 40. By that time your fella is probably going to be dealing with sexual dysfunction on a fairly regular basis, along with a decreasing libido. (I work in an MDs office and you wouldn't believe how many men have this problem, starting in their late 40s). If you want to have children together, he'll be retiring before they even get to college. He is likely going to have failing health just at the point you're ready to retire and get to have a little fun. Do you really want to spend those years taking care of an old man?

 

Maybe these things don't matter to you, but you'd better think long and hard before you get trapped into a very unhappy situation

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 years later...

The passing away thing is real but the libido thing isn’t a certainty. I’m 61 and my GF is 34 and I have no libido issues. Plus there are ways to deal with old age issues like buying long term care insurance so that someone else will bathe and dress him for you!

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 4 weeks later...
  • 6 months later...

The thread is 3 years old and the original poster never came back after one post. However you can start your own thread about age gaps, coworkers, etc.

I just started seeing someone 25 yrs younger, only I'm the woman, and he's the man. Funny how everyone seems so accepting about your age diff in this thread, but in another thread they thought a 41 yr old woman dating a 21 yr old was disgusting.

The guy I'm seeing has expressed wanting to keep what we have on the down low, and I know at some point, I'm not gonna be ok with that...assuming it develops into something serious.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Good luck with that, but I can see this going down in flames not long. You are too far apart in age. It seems all nice right now, but the issues will catch up with you both, soon.

He will be retiring right in your prime of life.

 

That alone will be a problem, nevermind all the rest of the problems that come to mind with this.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...