Out with the old, in with the now

[IAmFCA]

First guy who married Next tried to see me the night before and his best man protected him (and me) from that mad idea. Friends eventually let me know that is what happened. I was... 24.

 

Of course I am convinced mwfn will marry current and there are many arguments in support of same, but it hasn't been proven. His most recent email to me (yes, maybe a week or two ago? Whatever) said he was taking it slow. Lol that is hogwash. He has asked friends in common to stop tagging him, and based on his prior responses, I think it's because he doesn't want me to know how integrated their lives are. What a piece of work. He will move in with her, dump his house that he can't afford, rent an apartment that he doesn't stay in except when his son visits (and tell people he lives there - for show), and then rationalize that after all that, he really can't possibly dump her, she wants to marry, so what the heck.

 

I may as well send them a wedding present. Lol that would be funny.

[IAmFCA]

Thursday night's date is also a first meet; it is a full on date though. He let me alone for the weekend, and checked in with me today, and requested a phone call tonight. Proactive.

 

I thought of no men while away, except one new on line guy who was messaging. As I was nearing home I remembered the men I had been on dates with; none feel right. I am kind of rooting for this Thursday night guy, and I am not sure why. Something about how he communicates. Not too much / not too little.

 

If I knew how many men I will date in total, then I could figure out which number he is in line, and just be done.

 

"Dear Cutie,

 

According to my mathematical calculations, you are my intended spouse. If you'd like to meet prior to nuptials, please advise. Otherwise, please bring two forms of Federally-qualified identification and meet me at the courthouse tomorrow at 11. Afterwards, we can go to lunch and get acquainted.

 

Affectionately,

 

ITIC"

[faraday]

Glad you're excited about new guy

 

 

This just came up in my newsfeed and it made me think of you.

 

[IAmFCA]

Glad you're excited about new guy

 

 

This just came up in my newsfeed and it made me think of you.

]

 

This is a great video! Thank you for giving it to me.

 

 

I just talked to new guy. I think we are going to have fun tomorrow.

 

One of my fb friends just gave me tickets to an amazing concert. Out of the blue. I gave him something a couple of years ago, because I didn't need it anymore and he did... we hadn't seen each other in 30 years till then. Out of the blue - these tickets. His kindness reminded me... for Lent, which I keep forgetting to start: I thought I would do a random act of kindness every day. Now I remember... and I think I will remember tomorrow.

[IAmFCA]

Used the video as inspiration when responding to slushie tonight. He asked for my company I said Maybe baby maybe... you find your sea legs and see if you still want me on your radar. I'd like to be around for that. We both deserve an all in thing.

 

It'll be awhile before I hear from him again.

[IAmFCA]

Guy who has no nickname who messaged me over the weekend closed for a date on saturday. He did a very nice job, sending me time, place, coffee (morning), museum, exhibition detail. Nicely done.

[faraday]

Used the video as inspiration when responding to slushie tonight. He asked for my company I said Maybe baby maybe... you find your sea legs and see if you still want me on your radar. I'd like to be around for that. We both deserve an all in thing.

 

It'll be awhile before I hear from him again.

 

I really like the ideas that guy has...he has tons of videos on YouTube- I think I've watched just about every video he's put out in the last few years. He really helped me to understand how "value" works- how to react in this world where dating is being completely redefined from even a generation ago (sex is easy, texting makes it easy to fake interest, people aren't always upfront)...showing kindness and respect to potential partners while still maintaining my own self respect and value. The dating advice my mom gave me just wasn't cutting it- and a lot of my friends look like they're about to crash in their dating lives...so I'm not talking advice from them lol.

 

Anyway, glad it gave you ideas on slushie. I really do hope he comes around...he reminds me of this guy I dated a few years ago- Jesse...I liked him, he liked me...he was the most interesting man I'd ever met! He was smart, funny, handsome, a business owner...he's an incredible dad (our kids are the same ages so we would have play dates...and he taught me parenting things (by example) that I still use today)...great guy. He was actually featured in a city based magazine as being "most eligible bachelor" while we were dating

 

Anyway, I couldn't get him to be with just me. We weren't having sex or anything...but it was a few months in, and he was cool with me dating others...and it sucked!

 

I don't have a happy ending regarding him. He added me on fb recently, he got married two weeks ago...to someone he was dating at the same time as me. Not sure how she wrangled him in lol.

 

But when I met Jay...he reminded me of Jesse...they share a lot of the same drive and ambition...it's hot. So life worked out.

 

Anyway...my point? I get. The slushies and jesses of the world...*sigh* probably more attractive because they're elusive. But they also waste a lot of time...so it's better to focus on the guys who will cooperate.

[IAmFCA]

Faraday, I will explore more of his videos based on your recommendation.

 

Slushie - I think he is both sincere and upfront. And he was clear that he doesn't have anyone else ahead of me. So what... I am not going over to have nice cozy cuddle and then going on a date the next day. Too much, too weird, time too precious. OH - EDIT to add: Slushie knows I have a date tonight, because I asked him (I can't remember why I ended up asking him - he must have asked me to do something.) The way I asked him was: I have this thing to do, and I need a date. He declined, citing a travel conflict, and ended it with "damn."

 

whatevs.

 

Three dates lined up now. Tonight, Saturday, and Sunday. All three seem to be accomplished, good citizens, proactive. I am just going to keep doing this over and over.

[IAmFCA]

Had so much fun on my date.

 

Slushie called while at dinner. Sorry not sorry to have missed it.

 

Had to show proof of age at the bar. Bwahhhhhaaahhhhh .

 

 

 

[IAmFCA]

So... fun texting today with "cutie". I get the feeling he is not an intellectual powerhouse. I am hoping it's in there and just shows itself in time. He was completely on my turf yesterday. Wouldn't let me pay for a thing, even when he drank water and I drank wine. Game for all things new and had a great time.

 

Tomorrow, an intellectual powerhouse. So much so I am not even sure I believe he wasn't googling and then cut/paste wikis into messages. We have a well planned museum date, and he figured out all the parts and what makes each stop worthwhile and timely. I find that compelling. In messages, though, I trusted him less. So, I'll have to see what happens in person.

 

Slushie texted me for dinner spots in the town he is in, as I just recently traveled there myself. Hearing this, my bestie says Oh Slushie Give it a rest! Lol. My colleague says: He's scared. Of what... is it my fangs? Or maybe the extra set of ears I usually keep hidden so h doesn't know I'm an alien? Honestly.

 

Sunday I have brunch with a dear friend. She is SO good to me. Then a first meet with a man who checks a lot of boxes, but may be a little stiff.

 

I know,I appreciate all the choice I have and how cranky I am about choosing. I fought like hell to get here. I get it. Whoever I share my joy with is one privileged fellow. And I look forward to feeling the same. I don't know that I've met him yet. Won't know for a year or two.

[faraday]

So... fun texting today with "cutie". I get the feeling he is not an intellectual powerhouse. I am hoping it's in there and just shows itself in time. He was completely on my turf yesterday. Wouldn't let me pay for a thing, even when he drank water and I drank wine. Game for all things new and had a great time.

 

Tomorrow, an intellectual powerhouse. So much so I am not even sure I believe he wasn't googling and then cut/paste wikis into messages. We have a well planned museum date, and he figured out all the parts and what makes each stop worthwhile and timely. I find that compelling. In messages, though, I trusted him less. So, I'll have to see what happens in person.

 

Slushie texted me for dinner spots in the town he is in, as I just recently traveled there myself. Hearing this, my bestie says Oh Slushie Give it a rest! Lol. My colleague says: He's scared. Of what... is it my fangs? Or maybe the extra set of ears I usually keep hidden so h doesn't know I'm an alien? Honestly.

 

Sunday I have brunch with a dear friend. She is SO good to me. Then a first meet with a man who checks a lot of boxes, but may be a little stiff.

 

I know,I appreciate all the choice I have and how cranky I am about choosing. I fought like hell to get here. I get it. Whoever I share my joy with is one privileged fellow. And I look forward to feeling the same. I don't know that I've met him yet. Won't know for a year or two.

 

He's scared that you'll move on and stop stroking his ego . I thought you guys weren't meeting up much anymore...so has anything changed since you told him to go figure things out? I thought you'd stop texting with him until he figured things out?

 

I like smart men. Jay is very smart. Sometimes it's annoying. Because he corrects me. And it's like, "dude, do you want to be happy with sex or right and on the couch?" Kidding. But I've thought it. Honestly though, I think intellect is one of the most attractive qualities. You can talk about anything, smart people always get what you're saying with minimal explaining, and because they "get" things, they usually have a wicked sense of humour.

 

Even though they're annoying and correct you sometimes.

 

Cute and dumb is fun for a while. I've had some great sex with some dumb, cute men. "Shhh, don't talk while I'm feeling your 6 pack."

[IAmFCA]

Faraday, you are a stitch. If it weren't for Jay I would ship Slushie to you so you could feel his six pack and send him on his way. Make use of him for all he's good for these days.

 

No we've not been texting. This was an outlier, granted, only a short while has passed. I don't know why he called Thursday, maybe because of what i had said about each of us deserving an all in thing. but of course I was on my date already, then work today and he is with kids so I'll probably never know what was on his mind yesterday. Don't need to.

 

Yes my exH is smart enough but not enough for me. I missed it. He shied away from using his mind instead of running towards it. Cutie uses his, so he's got some running room with me for now.

 

Saturday night I am staying in, which is a tough call for me. A lot of people I know are going to see our friend play in a band at a bar that is walking distance from home. I am going out sat and sunday, so staying in is a good id3a. The real reason... mwfn may be there; his closest friends will be there even if he isn't. I don't care, but I can tell I might feel competitive, at least on the inside. It might not show on the outside but it's just too much effort to deal with that feeling of wanting to impress the whole bar with my awesomeness. That's silly and demeaning and stupid, and I don't think it will happen... but it might. Not quite ready yet.

[IAmFCA]

And BTW I am so not in the mood to have sex with anyone new. It was fun to want to kiss Cutie last night. So there is hope for me yet. I don't feel closed off... I could play a little baseball. Sex though? It will just make me like someone, now that I am available in a way I haven't been in the past. Its just off the table.

 

Laugh at me when I post soon that I had sex with somebody... lolol

[IAmFCA]

Oh my gosh! I learned to stroke my dad's ego as sort of an ironic coping mechanism and also to help him forgive himself.

 

Aha!

[IAmFCA]

Today's date. Amazing mind, amazing - incredible - life of skills, friends, and experiences. I quite enjoyed his company and he mine. I said I wanted to see him again. He figured out that our weekends line up.

 

On reflection, I realize he made an off hand comment about sex - "at our age it's mostly about affection". Ruh roh. We may not be compatible at a physically intimate level and I hate to make that kind of judgment so early.

 

I've shared certain intimate details here... my life is by no means one that I envision as sexless. I am not sure what to do with this, so putting it to the side for now.

 

We weren't talking about inappropriate topics; he was describing the dynamic of loneliness as an adult. There was nothing untoward and he didn't even think he said anything remarkable. Sigh.

[faraday]

Maybe he just meant that...when you're 20 and in a relationship, sex is all consuming. It's like 3 times a day. But as you get older, you realize there's more to a relationship. Sex is important. It's just not the be all end all.

 

At the end of a long day, I want to cuddle. When I was 20, I wanted penis.

 

Things change. It doesn't mean sex is non existent.

 

I'd see how things progress.

 

I loved the first paragraph that you wrote- made me smile

[missmarple]

I also took it to mean what faraday said.

[IAmFCA]

Ah, true. Maybe that is what he meant. Ok, thank you ladies!

[IAmFCA]

Sometimes, I am silly. Here is one time, right now: everyone out together at watering hole. Band leader calling me to get to come out. I'm going to bed, I'm tired,been going out and traveling again My lights all are 9ff. I don't want everyone to see that I'm here. It's like, my own private business, so it doesn't feel as silly as it sounds. And it doesn't make it so obvious that I could have walked out my door if I had really wanted to.

 

If these were my intimate friends, I'd make an effort.

[faraday]

Sometimes, I am silly. Here is one time, right now: everyone out together at watering hole. Band leader calling me to get to come out. I'm going to bed, I'm tired,been going out and traveling again My lights all are 9ff. I don't want everyone to see that I'm here. It's like, my own private business, so it doesn't feel as silly as it sounds. And it doesn't make it so obvious that I could have walked out my door if I had really wanted to.

 

If these were my intimate friends, I'd make an effort.

 

I've turned off lights and pretended to not be home. Sometimes we just need to recharge.

 

And also, I love people. Sometimes hate them (but only when they talk). And they drain me. So my battery needs to be full to appreciate them.

[IAmFCA]

Thank you Faraday for sharing that.

 

As I think about my two first dates and how engaging each was, I am reminded of old thinking from my 20s - if only two men could merge into one. But they can't. So it becomes a question of values and visions. Yesterday's date - the downside? Pants worn high like a military uniform, sort of a brainiac quality to him. Something around not being directed, not being powerful? Dunno.

 

This is a pattern, so maybe I am needing to be more incisive in making my own path. Or project that quality, own it. Or, maybe it's the nature of men making big changes 60% through life. Chewing on what I've learned -

[Batya33]

Thank you Faraday for sharing that.

 

As I think about my two first dates and how engaging each was, I am reminded of old thinking from my 20s - if only two men could merge into one. But they can't. So it becomes a question of values and visions. Yesterday's date - the downside? Pants worn high like a military uniform, sort of a brainiac quality to him. Something around not being directed, not being powerful? Dunno.

 

This is a pattern, so maybe I am needing to be more incisive in making my own path. Or project that quality, own it. Or, maybe it's the nature of men making big changes 60% through life. Chewing on what I've learned -

 

I had a friend, straight, who years ago proposed, jokingly, that we should find "wives" and then live with our wives and a boy toy or three, communally -all our needs met.

[IAmFCA]

I've decided I'm turning gay.

 

Yesterday's man, net research reveals he is every bit as he says he is. Traveled extensively, crazy military and para military experiences, multilingual, connections everywhere.

 

And also, a history like MWFNs. ExW took kids, accused of abuse, he got cleared, embarked on travel. Which is what mwfn wanted to do - travel, get away, regroup. So this guy is back, recovered from 5 years of allegations and defense, all resolved three years ago.

 

It is exhausting.

 

 

 

Ok, if you don't know me please know I know one doesn't turn.

[IAmFCA]

I had a friend, straight, who years ago proposed, jokingly, that we should find "wives" and then live with our wives and a boy toy or three, communally -all our needs met.

 

Funny Batya. I found your post AFTER what I just posted. I have often joked with my closest gfs that marrying one another is the best route, and dating on the side for fun. Everyone would understand each other, no problems, no commitment issues. "Winning!"

[Batya33]

Funny Batya. I found your post AFTER what I just posted. I have often joked with my closest gfs that marrying one another is the best route, and dating on the side for fun. Everyone would understand each other, no problems, no commitment issues. "Winning!"

 

No way. When I read your post of course I thought it was somewhat in response to mine. Great minds!