82131294 Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 I'm about to get into a relationship with a guy ive been sleeping with regularly, and my ex and i got drunk a couple of months ago and tried to have sex. it lasted for about 30 seconds before we realized we were being idiots and stopped. Should I tell this guy that I'm about to get with? I feel very guilty, even though we werent together when i slept with ex. Thanks edited to add: New guy and i had been sleeping together for about a week at point i slept with ex Link to comment
mhowe Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 Your past sexual escapades are none of his business. Link to comment
MisUnderstood9 Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 technically you didnt even really sleep with him as you stopped after 30sec. this isnt information you need to share to a new possible bf, you werent together -- its not any of his business what you did before the relationship. Link to comment
82131294 Posted December 30, 2014 Author Share Posted December 30, 2014 I dont know why i feel so guilty then, i think it's because if he found out i know he wouldn't want to be with me anymore. I've only ever been completely honest, im quite new to dating as i was with my ex for 4 years and he was my first boyfriend. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 Being honest and sharing information are not the same things. Tell him only if you will possibly be exposing him to an STD. Otherwise you're just telling him to unburden your guilt onto another person -not fair. Since this guy has been comfortable having casual sex with you all of this time I doubt he would care who else you slept with during that time. If you had agreed to be monogamous with this guy and he asks you whether you've been with anyone else then that might be a different situation. Link to comment
mhowe Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 You have been sleeping with him casually for some time before a relationship. It would be somewhat hypocritical for him to ask who you last slept with and when. Link to comment
82131294 Posted December 30, 2014 Author Share Posted December 30, 2014 I know he would care, and even though it was casual sex we quickly had feelings for each other. We did agree that we weren't exclusive at the time, but I know he hasn't slept with anybody else. Although rationally I know I shouldn't tell him, I don't know how to stop feeling so guilty. Any advice for that? Link to comment
relevart Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 Are you trying to sabotage the relationship? You yourself said he would not want to be with you if he knew. Therefore, don't tell him, since you and he were not together at the time. Link to comment
mhowe Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 I know he would care, and even though it was casual sex we quickly had feelings for each other. We did agree that we weren't exclusive at the time, but I know he hasn't slept with anybody else. Although rationally I know I shouldn't tell him, I don't know how to stop feeling so guilty. Any advice for that? You don't "know" that ---- you surmise it. And if he actually told you that he hadn't slept with anyone since you began dating and asked you if you had, then have you already lied by answering him? By agreeing you weren't exclusive --- leaves the door open for sex with others. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 You don't try to stop feeling guilty -you just choose not to react to the feeling by oversharing with him. We all have feelings that might not be entirely rational - the less you choose to react to those feelings in a way that doesn't make sense, the less that feeling will have a hold on you. Link to comment
Clinton Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 I agree, if you aren't exclusive, you aren't honor bound to be monogamous. And sharing past experiences is never a good idea. You have a responsibility to be disease free and to inform him if you aren't, but that's about all you owe him if you aren't exclusive. Link to comment
Scoe141 Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 I dont know why i feel so guilty then, i think it's because if he found out i know he wouldn't want to be with me anymore. I've only ever been completely honest, im quite new to dating as i was with my ex for 4 years and he was my first boyfriend. I'd err on the side of your conscience. It sounds like it it will come out eventually or its going eat away at you. Good luck. Link to comment
testcase Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 Don't worry about it. It's at the begging of casual dating. You're letting your current feelings for this guy effect what you did in the past. I agree with others just let it go. You've had the exclusive talk so be exclusive from now on. Link to comment
Fog of Love Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 Is your ex still a factor? If you enter into an exclusive relationship with this guy, is your ex going to be a constant shadow waiting to appear? If your ex is now out of the picture, there is no reason to bring up the past. It's behind you and there is no benefit to you or this guy by talking about it. Link to comment
Tayla92 Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 Definitely do not tell him, this is something that he doesn't need to know, it's in the past. Just make sure you cut all contact from your ex, before getting into a relationship with this guy. And don't be tempted, because having an ex of 4 years you have such an attachment to them and even though you broke up you feel yourself wanting to go back to him. I know, because I actually did cheat on my boyfriend with an ex and it was the worst decision ever. My boyfriend found out, dumped me and at the end of it all I realized I was more in love with my boyfriend at the time than I ever was with my long-term ex. Link to comment
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