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Living a Nightmare. In so much pain. Need to Divorce


BellaDonna
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Like you cannot put toothpaste back in the tube, I don't think that you will ever be able to look at him with the same adoring eyes again. Sad, but true. You may be able to have some type of relationship with him, but whether it will satisfying to you is another thing. Only time will tell....only you can decide how much time you want to devote to learning what this relationship will evolve to. ...chi

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Wow that is a turmoil sad story. I thought some of my issues were struggling ones. I am glad you are seeing things clearer and are divorce him and making things safer for your child and yourself. We never really know someone I guess and at times (not trying to be harsh) but we at times we only see what we care to see. Not to say that this is your case because he may have held it away from you very well but supplementing with other positive acts of kindness for distraction. Who knows. But hindsight is really 20/20 so look towards the future and not what you did or did not see. And I believe that your actions now were are always your destiny. God Bless and be safe.

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It's been a while. I can't say that much has changed over the months I've been away from this site. I'm still here in this house with him because I don't want to rip my family apart. There has been scarce "intimacy" which is mechanical, robotic, and empty. Addiction ruins lives. -Porn,drugs, booze. He's still in therapy for all of it.

 

I'm not happy here and likely will never be but I just don't have the strength to do anything else. It's not in me. It's a difficult choice when you have a child with special needs. Every day I deal with an inner voice crying out in sadness while the practical, maternal side of me won't budge.

 

I am just thankful that other facets of my life (work, etc.)feel normal and bring me happiness.

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Dear Bella,

 

Having a disabled son I kind of know what you are going through as I went through something similar when I caught my wife cheating. I didn't want to end our marriage and not give my son the very best opportunity for the best life he could possibly have even if that meant I had to just endure. I still loved the person she used to be...or the person I thought she was I guess so I tried to make it work. Her choice was to continue the affair so it left me with only one option.

As it turns out getting a divorce brought my son and I closer than I could have ever imagined and forced me into a role of pretty much everything to him which I love by the way! That was over 7 years ago and he is now a happy 15 yr old (as happy as any 15 yr old can be) that has friends, plays on a adaptive sports basketball team and shares a bond with me that is the most precious thing in my life.

 

If like me you end up HAVING to divorce it doesn't end parental involvement and like in my case it can actually take it to a place never imagined.

 

I am not sure if I could have forgiven her totally and ever trusted her again enough to make a good marriage again but I was willing to try. As it turned out it was a blessing in disguise for me and my son.

 

Take your time and please continue to see a therapist to help you through all this. I know it must haunt your thoughts in the quiet times between distractions.

 

You are in our thoughts always

 

Lost

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I hope you can find the strength in you to find a better tomorrow and happiness for yourself and your child. I know a special needs child complicates things but don't let that hold you back. Your son/daughter needs to see you happy, hopeful and healthy, not miserable and sad. (((hugs))). There are resources out there for divorce with special needs.

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I hope you can find the strength in you to find a better tomorrow and happiness for yourself and your child. I know a special needs child complicates things but don't let that hold you back. Your son/daughter needs to see you happy, hopeful and healthy, not miserable and sad. (((hugs))). There are resources out there for divorce with special needs.

Yes, please don't model an unhappy existence for your son. I know it is difficult but you have to try for his sake to make a break from this marriage.

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