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Living a Nightmare. In so much pain. Need to Divorce


BellaDonna
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Bella, When it comes to porn, you don't have to worry about what others think anymore.

You now know the truth.

 

It's only been ten years since porn was made functionally available to the masses for consumption. ($$$$)

Only now is general population beginning to feel the effects, devastation and cost of this insidious addiction.

 

Even if you divorce; don’t be afraid to learn, heal and forgive.

 

 

PS, Beware of the misinformed foot-solders of porn. They will tell you it's okay and then tell you it didn't destroy your family.

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PS, Beware of the misinformed foot-solders of porn. They will tell you it's okay and then tell you it didn't destroy your family.

 

Please stop chalking up Bella's situation to "porn use". Her husband is sick and he has ruined his own marriage with his own fetishes regarding underage/near underage women.

 

Saying that the problem is simply porn is a gross simplification and incorrect assessment of the situation. It's not helpful.

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Bella, I'm relieved to hear this is all in the open. And that your husband is now in therapy and working towards change. None of us are in your shoes, so while we can give you advice in the end you are going to be the one who does what you feel is right. And you are strong enough and smart enough to weather this storm. Anyways I just wanted to give you a virtual hug and to tell you that I think your son is very lucky to have you as a parent. We are here if for nothing else than just to listen and encourage you to keep going. I truly believe you will find your way out of this and into a brighter future. Stay strong.

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Bella, I don't think you're seeming stupid or like a doormat. And I think you're right to not make any sudden changes when you have such mixed emotions and the developments are so fresh. It seems he is not a danger to his son, and is taking the steps now to deal with this, accepting the responsibility, and you are responding to the situation. That's wisdom: responding to situations as they change and add new information, so that you're not just going by some formula in your head about what you're "supposed" to be doing.

 

I am by no means saying you should stay with him, and I agree that this would take a miracle to overcome, in a marriage. But I don't sense you feel there is a clear prognosis for him. We can tell you from some abstract reasoning that addicts don't change, that people with this type of fixation can't ever change, but every person is unique and even psychologists say that IF a person submits to therapy, even something as entrenched as a personality disorder (I was reading about narcissism the other day [an ongoing subject of particular interest to me], and an expert's opinion on it) CAN be addressed in therapy. None of us really know what the intrapsychic dynamics are for your husband, and I can understand an impulse that says, "I vowed -- in sickness and in health." Sure, there's a limit to that, but it all depends on how dedicated the person is, what their doctor thinks is the prognosis, how YOU feel in your heart about what you can and cannot do, and many other factors that are highly individual.

 

So I think you should really go by what your gut is telling you, not what you think you "ought" to be thinking or doing. This is your marriage and life to be making such hard decisions over, and you're a clear-headed woman. It's not like you're someone who will stick around for abuse, neglect, and unacceptable behavior. If you have conflict in your mind, honor that and just keep listening to your intuition. Eyes wide open -- you WILL know what to do in time.

 

I'm very glad for you that nothing worse was found. I also want to put in here -- and I know this would be unpopular -- that it's important to keep what is "sick" separated from what is "hurtful," so that you know what you're dealing with in your own head and how you feel about different aspects of this. For instance, it's hurtful maybe that he is looking at nudist colonies and beaches, but that in and of itself is not "sick." I'm aware of whole families that live in nudist colonies, as a lifestyle choice. And of course if he went to a nudist beach, that would not be sick. Of course I think he is psychologically terribly disturbed and desperately needs help, but some aspects of this are not "sick", and may be more a function of an overall need to escape a traumatic past with compulsive behaviors of any kind than a particular obsession that has started (though on a sobering note, most addicts will be at risk for SOME kind of addiction always; my ex, the recovering gambling addict, had to continually be aware of getting compulsive about various other things in his life.) It IS possible for someone to DEVELOP an obsession that started out somewhat innocuously, because of the underlying disordered thinking. Of course, that's for his doctor and him to work through and for you to understand as it is clarified, but I think such things aren't simplistic, which is why you're probably feeling as you are.

 

I also think Batya makes a good point -- it's possible that at least unconsciously, he knew it was just a matter of time. Yes, he had years to make these changes, but on the other hand, there's usually a breaking point of some kind. If he was well enough to check himself into therapy before (which maybe would have shown up as expenses, if you have a joint account, which he'd have to explain?), he would have been well enough not to be sick. Which is circular, but true.

 

I'm glad things are more stable for you and that you don't have to immediately leave for safety's sake, so you can process all this.

Edited by tiredofvampires
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Marriages crumble away with far less issues but some marriages survive far greater challenges than this. It really depends on the two people in it.

 

I wouldn't try to think too far into the future on whether your marriage is over at this point. Certainly by all means separate and live apart if that is part of your process to deal with the issues and to try to heal. Give yourself all the support you need and hopefully your spouse is digging deep to figure things out as well. Who knows where he will be in 3mo, 6mo or 12mo or you for that matter. You are proactively taking steps about your problem but I don't think anyone expects you to immediately slam the door on your marriage. I think once you have real time to digest what has been happening and for how long and you can see any real steps your partner is making in regards to this you will know what to do... I think you will get to a point where the emotions run less intense and in a calm manner the answer will come to you.

 

Hugs

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Your whole world shifted in an instant. I had a case where someone i loved was living a double life with some serious unpleasantries under the surface, and it does really take a while to wrap your head around it, because you've had one image of him for over a decade (as your beloved) and now suddenly you are realizing there is another very unsavory and messed up side to him that he's hidden all along. That is such a sudden and radical shift you just can't process it right away.

 

I was in serious shock for month or two and had no idea what to do. Then i finally confronted him, and still didn't know what to do. The cat was out of the bag, but it was such a major and traumatic life change to untangle our lives and almost 15 years of loving him, that it took me quite a good 6 months of waffling back and forth on what to do to really start the process of breaking off with him. And it took me a lot longer than that to really heal.

 

Of course they do beg and plead because it throws their world into chaos too, so that tortures and confuses you too because you so desperately want to go back to the way it was before and have your old life back. But it doesn't take away the facts, and you can't un-know what you now know.

 

So give yourself time to decide. But make sure you and your son are protected. And be careful. The man you thought you knew isn't the man he is. Because now you know he is capable of some really weird stuff, and capable of hiding his true self and thoughts. Do you think he is capable of violence against you or your son if he feels backed into a corner and is afraid he'll lose custody? Sometimes they behave really well, until behaving well starts to chafe on them because they have to deny their true desires to stay with you, and/or they feel that you aren't 'forgiving and forgetting' the way they'd like or fast enough, then it turns nasty. Make sure you know that answer before you stick around in the same house with him.

 

Being able to process something like this is an evolution, not an event, when there is a really long term relationship and a shock like this.

Edited by chickadeedee
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Bella, When it comes to porn, you don't have to worry about what others think anymore.

You now know the truth.

 

It's only been ten years since porn was made functionally available to the masses for consumption. ($$$$)

Only now is general population beginning to feel the effects, devastation and cost of this insidious addiction.

 

Even if you divorce; don’t be afraid to learn, heal and forgive.

 

 

PS, Beware of the misinformed foot-solders of porn. They will tell you it's okay and then tell you it didn't destroy your family.

 

I know you won't change your views on this - but the problem is not that over-dependence on porn has lead to her husband neglecting her, neglecting their sex life, no longer being physically attracted to her, no longer functioning well in his social/occupational/personal life.

 

The problem is that he is sexually attracted to children.

 

It's not a slippery slope where porn addicts change the nature of their sexuality and go from being attracted to adults to children just because they have over-indulged on porn.

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The OP said in the first post:

My husband is a pornography addict.

Interestingly, no one has zeroed in on the incest and rape aspect, only the "underage" aspect (which the OP said it appears as if the models are 18 ). So there's lots of conclusion-jumping here regarding pedophilia. Obviously no one here is qualified to diagnose the problem since we have never met the man and only know what we're being told; but were this my husband, and presented with the facts that are given in this thread, I would assume it is a porn problem and proceed accordingly. I have never in my life seen anything good come from excessive porn-viewing, and posters in this thread are in my opinion severely underestimating the influence it can have on your thoughts and your preferences and your life.

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Well, technically pedophilia is an attraction to prepubescent children.

 

He visits the jailbait web sites, which are legal sites that collect various images accross the web of underaged girls in scantily clad clothing or provocative poses, but there is no nudity/sexual activity, therefore it is legal. She said some of those girls look no older than 12 or 13 years old. She also stated this:

 

I've found 3 categories of content so far:

 

 

 

The actually pornography he views with sex acts, are legal. The "barely legal" stuff. This jailbait stuff, while also legal, are full of actual underaged girls.

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I think some of these questions may become relevant for Bella (and likely they already are), as she learns more about the depth, history, extent, and nature of his issues.

 

I have many strong criticisms about the improper use of porn, and how it's shaped (and ruined) so many lives, twisted images about sexuality, and distorted people's sexual expectations, in their real life relationships and of body image in general. However, porn did not invent the taboos that it capitalizes on. The thing about porn is that it gives people a vehicle to more thoroughly "flesh out" so many very taboo subjects around sex that have been part of the human psyche since time began.

 

I think it then becomes important to distinguish -- and this seems highly relevant in this case -- which "taboo" sexual subjects could be considered within the normal healthy spectrum, and which fall outside of it and constitute an actual psychological/psychiatric disorder. And while the OP (or anyone) has an absolute right to personally decide that something is a sexual/marital dealbreaker, and maintain personal boundaries that must not be crossed in a partner, part of the processing of this and understanding what she wants to do I think revolves around coming to these conclusions, as she weighs these considerations: that is, what is unacceptable to me because it's just unacceptable (which may be a grey zone of social or professional consensus), what part is actually clinically a disorder/mental illness (and what is the prognosis), and how fatally has this information damaged the relationship.

 

I think all of these issues are worth examining more deeply than just assigning clear-cut classifications to his behavior.

 

I imagine that if this were happening to me (which is to say, having taken a lifetime vow to be with my partner and invested 20 years), I would want to know such things as: Aside from the social stigma -- how prevalent is an interest in pubescent/young teenage girls? How is it regarded by experts in the field, on the "normalcy" scale? How prevalent are rape fantasies? (ditto the previous follow-up questions.) How prevalent are other aspects of his fantasy life, and how do they relate to one another, in terms of what themes are most predominant, and how is that a reflection of the traumas he has undergone? Can therapy help him deal with the underlying psychological distress so that he doesn't feel a need to seek out this kind of stimuli, or is there an underlying primary sexual deviance?

 

I personally think it's important to separate out very objectively what medical experts have to say about what a normal person's scope of fantasies might look like, and what would not be normal (or "curable"); not from just a "social taboo" standpoint. So for instance, I do know that rape fantasies are extremely common, moreso than many people want to admit. It's just one step from dominance/submission and BDSM, and you'll find this described in some of the classic sex manuals, like "The Joy of Sex." (I had an ex who had this "secret" fantasy and watched related porn [all consensual and scripted like what Bella found], but would never act on it in real life or with an unwilling partner, and he's one of the most grounded, responsible, level-headed guys I know.) As discussed earlier on the thread, a sexual preference for prepubescent children is considered to be a psychiatric disorder (technical pedophilia), whereas a preference (or attraction) to children old enough to have begun physically/sexually maturing (pubescent/early teen, aka hebephilia) is NOT considered to be a psychiatric disorder (however repugnant), is much more widespread, and somewhat socially relativistic (and in fact is [hypocritically] insidiously encouraged in our society in advertising, fashion, and pop images). Nude beaches are in no way a perversion (as I mentioned before), whereas incest most definitely is more than a social taboo, it's something nature doesn't favor because it causes more defects and mutations in offspring (in addition to the abuse factor), so there's a reason it's naturally unacceptable almost universally.

 

It's also probably true that if you plumbed the depths of every one of us on this thread, you'd find some dark and shocking material that's crossed our minds (or is even unconsciously there), even if we don't act on it or pursue it in any way, shape or form. And who knows with certain upbringing traumas how these might manifest.

 

I'm not here to categorize what he's doing, just giving my input as to how I think it may be important for Bella to be able to separate these issues so that she can see more clearly what is and isn't going on with him, health-wise, and then how she feels about these things without the usual overlays. It may turn out that the excess becomes more of an issue than the content, or that both are equally objectionable, or that it really comes down to not being ever able to see him as a grown man and provider to lean on anymore. And any one of those emerging conclusions could be viable, if/when she decides to leave the marriage.

 

I think the one thing that is obvious here is that this man has strong addictive tendencies and behaviors. He's clearly displaying the behavior of an addict, and his vice is porn. (Before porn, it was opiates, and he may substitute the porn for something else in the future -- which is typical for addictive personalities). His inner world has encroached on his life and relationships to the point that he's not functioning anymore, which means he's totally out of control. That much we know. The rest is a little more complex.

Edited by tiredofvampires
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Of course he's a porn addict but you can't just chalk it up to porn addiction. He is sexually attracted to underage/near underage women. This is why people are "zeroing in" on this, because for most sane/logical people, someone being attracted to children sexually is way, way, way worse than a simple porn addiction.

 

Porn addiction is treatable, pedophilia is not. He can get help and choose not to act on it (ie look at this sort of porn) and get to that point where he's stable but the urges won't go away. there is always, always the risk of him going back to that. Pedphiles always have the urges. I hope Bella's husband gets help but it goes without saying that he will be struggling with these urges for life. It's up to her to decide if that's something that she wants to live with or not.

 

Please keep us updated, Bella.

 

Also, if I may say, I think if he is serious about getting help/treatment, he ought to hold himself accountable. Has he offered you 100% transparency? He can't possibly think that he can control himself at this point not to look and give in to these urges..?

 

Do you still have access to his online activity and can you verify that he is, indeed, staying away from the sites now that he has promised change?

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Interestingly, no one has zeroed in on the incest and rape aspect, only the "underage" aspect (which the OP said it appears as if the models are 18 ). So there's lots of conclusion-jumping here regarding pedophilia.

 

 

Hmm. Maybe that is a fair point. Rape and incest fantasies are not at all uncommon by ppl who outside of the fantasy woukd never desire to engage in those acts and in reality would find them repugnant.

 

Could the same same be said about his underage girl fantasies? Maybe. And if so.. Maybe it is better characterised as a porn problem.

 

Maybe the point is that he needs to do a lot of work with a good psych to understand what is really going on before any more can be said or done.

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Porn is not the issue, that is just the vehicle he uses. He needs to see a second therapist to find out how he can change his thinKing and views on what turns him on. He may or may not act as a pedo, but if he is not trying to engage in conversation with underage girls than highly unlikely.

 

That does not mean Bella doesn't have the right to not agree, and if he trusted his wife, he should have said something. The secrecy is the most damaging imo

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The thing that's most important to me here, really, isn't the porn. It's the pictures that have been taken that aren't porn that he's still using as porn.

 

Just regular kids doing regular kid things that are being passed around to be masturbated and fantasised over.

 

How would you feel if you found out an image of your child was being used like that.

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Years ago a very famous quote came out of the Supreme Court when trying to define what was obscene vs. not. And it was 'I know it when i see it.' the court ultimately came up with the definition of three standards that must all apply for something to be declared obscene:

 

The average person, applying local community standards, looking at the work in its entirety, must find that it appeals to the prurient interest.

The work must describe or depict, in an obviously offensive way, sexual conduct, or excretory functions.

The work as a whole must lack "serious literary, artistic, political, or scientific values".

 

I think if you apply this standard to porn and what is acceptable or not, the argument that the girls are beginning to mature and any fantasy is an OK fantasy absolutely doesn't apply. These are 12 year old girls, and there's a bunch of grown men taking their photos off the girl's personal FB accounts that they innocently share with family and friends, and exchanging those photos of them anonymously and enjoying sharing sick comments with each other about these children (and they ARE children until their late teens). So i think most of us 'know it when we see it' and Bella does too. And her husband is clearly well into it and tremendously addicted to it since he engages in it every time she leaves the room. This is not normal/acceptable behavior in the context of the behavior it encourages, and it is not about normal adult sexual activity but about a bunch of grown men slobbering over children and forming a secret/closed society of men who choose to exploit pictures of these children for their own prurient interests and self stimulation. These men are not 'average' because the majority of society would be horrified at the thought that anonymous men are trading photos of their young daughters and sharing comments in a verbal gang bang of these young girls.

 

So i think what is relevant is Bella must ultimately decide whether this is something that he can get treated professionally, and that he can and will own up to the behavior and stop it permanently. And she needs to investigate the depth of his issues professionally to be sure that she can ensure that her own son will be safe from any obscene and inappropriate inclinations he may have. Then she has to decide whether this is something she can live with, and whether she wants to be with someone who has these issues and inclinations. she also will have to decide whether she can return to a normal sex life with him given that she knows what she knows and what her husband is really attracted to (which she is not and never will be again).

 

She may be able to return to a semblance of a good co-parenting relationship with him if he is shown to have no interest in young boys, BUT ultimately whether their marriage will survive will depend on whether she can live with knowing his attraction is to children and not adult women such as herself and whether she can live with the fact that he has seriously dabbled and dipped his wick into a verbal gang banging community of like minded men. It is a similar dilemma to women having to decide whether they can live with a husband who has cheated on them, but with transgressions of a far, far more serious and unsavory nature.

 

She has also discovered that he is fully capable of and comfortable with lying to her and disguising his secret life and former drug use. so her trust in him overall would have to be rebuilt, which frequently is impossible in a scenario such as this. So it is not just a question of convincing herself of 'well, these girls are starting to have breasts so his interest in them must be OK and everyone has fantasies so it must OK.' Far deeper issues here than that must be addressed and acknowledged and dealt with.

 

Bella can and should take her time as long as her son is safe. But she has no requirement to 'nurture' her husband thru this or accept it when he has lied to her in a massive way and betrayed her by living this double life and is engaging in really egregious unacceptable behavior. She shouldn't have to 'support' or talk herself into accepting a husband who is a secret gambler, or thief, or drug addict, or rapist or any other seriously negative moral lapses she finds lurking under his surface that he has hidden from her for years, unless she determines for herself that she can live with the behavior, forget about it, forgive him, and trust him again (and also determines whether that is a wise choice or not based on the depth of his issues).

Edited by chickadeedee
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Speaking for myself, I don't see you as a fool at all. I see you as a strong intelligent woman. Who is going through something that is virtually incomprehensible for most of us.

 

Maybe this time while you are separated could be used for you to call in some extra supports in your life. You mentioned you only have a few family members to turn to, and this forum. What about a therapist for yourself? Your community - I am thinking of practical type support that could help take some of the burden of day to day things off your shoulders, feeling like you are the one who has to do it all? Even if it's a chance to go out for coffee with someone and not be at work and not be in the house.

 

I know without a doubt that there are many posters here that if we could, we would be there in that way.

 

I don't think either anyone expects nor is it reasonable to expect that you would decide everything all at once, and there, it's done. Much too complicated a situation for that.

 

My main concern for you is that your husbands needs may overshadow you receiving what it is you need at this time. It's good it is out and in the open now, and it's good too he is seeking help for himself.

 

I think you deserve all the love, compassion, and support in the world. And it is out there, so I hope you are not feeling too alone in all this.

 

hugs. And thinking of you.

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^^

I agree... Bella is nobody's fool, and she is just in the early stages of coming to grips with this. A shock of this magnitude takes a long time to process and is not a sign of weakness at all, just a normal progression of grief and acceptance. These kind of discoveries follow the same arcs as a huge blow/loss such as a death, where there is shock, denial, bargaining, anger, depression etc. And it is never a clean progression but a cycling among conflicting emotions for a while.

 

Bella is strong and smart enough to figure out the right course for herself and her son. I would also recommend personal counseling to help her weed thru all these emotions and provide support while making the decisions on what she needs to do about this.

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Hi everyone. I've read all of your responses since I last posted. There were lots of questions. Here are some of the answers:

 

Therapy I am not currently in any kind of therapy. I do have someone I can call if I need to, who I saw when I was dealing with postpartum depression. But right now I feel like I am aware of my thoughts and feelings and have clarity to be able to think things through. I do feel a depressed mood setting in, but I always deal with this during the cold months (I'm to prone to SAD) and also because I've been cooped up inside for a month recovering from the surgery. I'm almost completely physically better though and expect to feel much better once I go back to work and I'm not home marinating in this all day. If I feel like I am in despair I am not opposed to contacting my former therapist.

 

Safety I am safe. My son is safe. I don't feel as if my husband causes any kind of threat or danger. He has been extremely passive throughout and is not pressuring me or anything. He is walking on eggshells. When I told him I wanted to leave he offered financial support and said I could keep the house and he would do anything he needed to in order to help me. He is not playing any games or being low in that regard. Should he have behaved differently, or acted volatile, I would have left immediately.

 

Has he been on any sites? I continue to monitor his behavior online. While I disclosed to him some of the ways I knew all about his behavior, I did not disclose all of them and will not. They way I am able to find out what he is doing is much, much more technologically sophisticated than he would ever imagine. It's legal but it's not something he'd ever suspect and it's not something he can cover tracks for. That's all I'll say in relation to that. He has not been on any sites since the day I told him I knew. Since I told him, he has wanted to sit down with me and delete his accounts on the sites (e.g. such as "jailbait forums"). He said he wanted to do it sitting next to me so that I would be the one to go on it and delete it and not him. He says he's "done forever" with any kind of porn, even the kinds I told him I do not find offensive. He said to me that he is thankful that I found out and encouraged him to get help, as he has been "very depressed" for a while and has a lot of things that he needs to deal with and wants to be healthy.

 

His explanation for the jailbait, rape themes, incest themes, nudism sites, bestiality According to him, he claims that his problem started out from an addiction to "regular" porn which developed in 2012 after his mother died. He said at first he was seeking out porn to masturbate, but then began getting drawn to dark themes and clicking categories and advertisements for sites that led him deeper and deeper into seeking out content about power and degradation. He said his quest became to find the most "extreme" things. He said this was not only limited to porn, but also to other graphic things like videos of beheadings that got leaked online and other awful things. He said these things made him cringe and he did not enjoy watching them but that he found himself seeking it out nonetheless.

 

I do believe him when he says the quest for those things was not sexual, as I witnessed him go on a site right AFTER we just had sex and he climaxed. That was the Christmas morning incident. ugh

 

I did find regular porn sites on his computer with adult women in addition to the awful things I had found. Most were women with dark hair and large breasts with garter belts and stockings. I know those are things that he is attracted to so I was not shocked about him masturbating to something like that. I can't fathom him masturbating to a woman and a horse though. His attraction to such content, as he described it, seemed to be for the "shock value" and not because he finds it sexually appealing. Still, regardless of his motivation to view it, I am still thoroughly DISGUSTED.

 

I explained my deep, deep, deep opposition to jailbait sites and why. He agreed with me and called himself stupid. I told him he is probably on an FBI watch list and he really skated the line of legality with that stuff. All it would take would be just one member of that "forum" to post even one image that contained nudity and the whole site could be "swept" and every member investigated. He claims he is not attracted to the photos, but I simply don't believe him and I think he needs to deal with this in therapy.

 

From what I can conclude, there is A LOT of pent up anger, mostly stemming from his mother, who was a drug addict. When she died in 2012 it worsened. Some things he has disclosed to me about past trauma:

 

*When he was small his mother handed him over a fence to his biological father and said "Take your F---ing son!"

*His mother sold him drugs when he was addicted to opiates. He is angry at her for doing so, saying he can't believe she never tried to stop him, even though he was the one buying it.

*As a child his mother had a dysfunctional aunt live with them, and she would bring home all kinds of men and have sex with them with the door open and the children could see everything that happened. his mother was too high to notice. He denies ever being sexually abused

*His mother abandoned him and his siblings for several days when she went on a drug rampage. The oldest child was 10 and the youngest was 2 at the time (husband was 7 or 8 at the time). He said they ate cereal for days but ran out, and were alone in the house until a neighbor eventually noticed.

 

He has a lot of anger he needs to deal with.

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Bella,

 

You are one incredibly strong woman. I commend you on the way you are handling all this.

 

It is a relief to hear you are and your son and husband are safe. Yes even your husband. Times like this can push people to hurt themselves and that would be tragic.

 

I know there is nothing we can do but I will ask anyways. Is there anything WE can do to help you? Anything at all?

 

I am hopeful your husbands therapy sessions are fruitful and that he can finally overcome the demons from his past so he can be at the very least a great father.

 

Once again the innocence of a child is stolen and replaced be anger and sickness by selfishness... It is sad to see it happen to someone I kind of know.

 

You are in our thoughts

Lost

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Bella, i suggest at a minimum you need marriage counseling. I get that he had a rough childhood, but honestly the 'my mommy was a bad mommy so i needed to look a pre-pubescent girls and make raunchy comments about them' really doesn't quite track. It is not your job to be his therapist or even listen to all these stories as a potential excuse for what he's been doing. i see this addiction of his to extreme stimulation is actually more like inheriting his own mother's tendency to unhealthy addictions (just a different source) than an explanation/excuse for his behavior. it would argue that he has an addictive personality, and needs serious treatment for that, and that you need to be careful not to be victimized by it.

 

The reality is most addiction is about seeking personal PLEASURE and stimulation regardless of the devastation on self and others, and has nothing to do with anger. I might buy that this predilection for young girls was related to anger if what he was seeking out was old ladies (maternal figures) being humiliated, but not young girls. That is more about what he finds appealing.

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      Have you ever felt like you're a fraud who doesn't belong? According to a recent article published in the International Journal of Behavioral Science, seven in every ten people have or will experience impostor syndrome at some point in their lives. We couldn't see our tribe suffering from this anymore, so we brought in the person who'll help you ditch this feeling for good. In this video, peak performance expert Shadé Zahrai joins Vishen to discuss how to supercharge your life and improve your self-esteem by constructing your own reality, leveraging your self-awareness, and regaining control over your inner critic

       
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    • 5 Things People Who’ve Been Mentally Abused Do
      Do you know how common mental abuse is? According to The National Center for Biotechnology Information, 80 percent of the population has experienced some form of abusive relationship and behavior. However, despite how frequent it is, emotional abuse is still hard to spot. Unlike physical abuse, mental abuse doesn’t leave any visible scars; instead, it affects someone’s behavior, mindset, and mentality. This means some people deny they’ve been mentally abused, and others may not even recognize the toxic behavior. So, whether you’re reading this to be able to recognize emotional abuse in others or recognize it in yourself, these a few things people who’ve been mentally abused do are sure to help you be more empathetic and kinder.

       
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    • 5 Polarity Secrets to Attracting Love that Makes you Magnetic AF
      In this video, I'm going to show you the 5 most powerful ways to create polarity in order to attract love. Think of it like a magnet. If you have a magnet, it is going to attract, but also repel based on its polarity. If you have a positive and a positive and you put them together, guess what's gonna happen? They're going to repel each other. Same with a negative and negative. But when you have a positive and a negative, they clink right like this. The key to attracting love is embodying your own sense of polarity, which really is the authenticity of who you really are, letting go of what you are not so that you can attract love easier than ever. These are things that completely transformed my own life.

       
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    • 10 Signs You Are Fake Happy
      Are you happy, or are you putting on a fake smile? Fake happiness can be hard to detect, but if you know the signs you can spot it.

       
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    • Do You Gaslight Yourself?
      Do You Gaslight Yourself?
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