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Living a Nightmare. In so much pain. Need to Divorce


BellaDonna
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  • 1 month later...
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  • 2 months later...

Bella,

 

I had a question about something this morning and the first person that popped into my head was you, then I realized you are not here. You are missed by all of us and not forgotten one little bit.

 

This place seems different without your level hand here.

 

I/We miss you and hope the turmoil in your life is subsiding and the answers to those very difficult questions you were asking yourself have started to show themselves.

 

It would be nice to know that you are okay even if that is selfish of us to want to know but we do care about you and your family.

 

Best wishes always

Lost

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Yes Bella, I thought of you just the other day, but got busy before I could remember to hunt down this thread to ask about you.

 

I hope you're okay. Please think of popping back to update us. It's selfish, but we want to know how you're doing.

 

Take care of yourself. xxx

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  • 1 month later...

Hi all. I am so sorry to have you worrying about me. I am OK. Things are not much different. I'm still in the same place trying to decide what to do with my life. I have been feeling pretty down this month with the holidays and all. It's triggering some feelings of wanting to leave the marriage. Right around this time last year is when it had all started.

 

I can't say I am happy by any stretch of the word, but I do find joy in my child and in my career and I have family support, friendships, interests which help keep me sane.

 

I still don't know what my future will bring. I am sorry I did not update you all sooner. It warms my heart that people care about me and I appreciate all of the PMs too.

 

 

Bella

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Hi Bella,

 

I don't usually say this, but leaving your marriage might make you a lot happier. You will still have your child and your career and you will have the freedom in your love life to find someone with more matching values/interests. Anyway, I hope you are ok. We are all thinking of you!! hugs

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Wow, has it really been about a year now. You deserve to be happy, Bella. If that means leaving, then that's what it takes. I'm glad you have a strong support system regardless but my hope for you is to be at peace and feel happy someday, not just sane and existing. You deserve that. I hope the holidays are good for you. We are always here for you.

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A big Holiday ((HUG)) for you Bella.

 

I am so happy to at least hear that things have not gotten worse but not changing is not much better is it?

 

We will keep coming back here to post that you are in our thoughts. You may not even grasp how many lives you have touched here, lives that are so much better for knowing you.

 

Lost

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Bella, you've been on my mind quite often and I've been wondering how things have been evolving for you, hoping that no news has meant good news -- that whatever you've chosen to do, you're feeling strong and hopeful. I remembered how it was just around this time of year that your world turned upside down, right around the holidays...and returned to this thread, and look at how many other people feel as I do. That you're in our hearts. I miss you around here, too! It's not the same.

 

The year mark of course is always so hard when there has been a loss of any kind. Especially when it's at a time, the holidays, that everyone is looking forward to fun and family and festivities. Please keep your head up during this time and realize that you've done a lot over this year to heal, that you aren't back there and never will be. You've been steadily carving out your life and defining the unanswered parts more clearly all the time.

 

Only you will know what will be the ultimately right answer for you and this marriage. Clearly, you have reasons to stay right now -- and being the clear-sighted person you are, they must be compelling reasons. I don't know what kind of changes or progress or amends your husband has made, but I'm guessing that's factoring in to you calculus, as it should. There is no timetable for this decision -- so I think you're doing the right thing to take however long it takes you, to know you're not making a decision one way or the other you'd regret. I'm a huge believer of patience, especially with ourselves, and not rushing to decision when there are a lot of complexities. I don't see this as "indecision."

 

The right path will emerge for you. That was true then, and it's still true now.

 

Lots of ((hugs)) for your holiday season, for your taking joy in the many things you do have.

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Hi all. I am so sorry to have you worrying about me. I am OK. Things are not much different. I'm still in the same place trying to decide what to do with my life. I have been feeling pretty down this month with the holidays and all. It's triggering some feelings of wanting to leave the marriage. Right around this time last year is when it had all started.

 

I can't say I am happy by any stretch of the word, but I do find joy in my child and in my career and I have family support, friendships, interests which help keep me sane.

 

I still don't know what my future will bring. I am sorry I did not update you all sooner. It warms my heart that people care about me and I appreciate all of the PMs too.

 

 

Bella

 

Sending you massive hugs! Always here if you need to talk. xo

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  • 2 months later...
  • 2 weeks later...

This is a really sh*tty thing to discover about your husband. I feel bad for you and your son, but especially your son since he's in the middle of all this. As a father myself, i would do anything to protect my son. I think you'd be doing the right thing by leaving him. I wonder if getting the police involved would make sense? Does your husband have a history of abuse/violence? You're right though not to trust him. Someone in his position that's caught in an embarrassing act could do something foolish.

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  • 1 year later...

Because I was a child of divorce and hated it.

 

Because I know my son needs his 2 parents in his life and home together.

 

Because when I became a mother this life was no longer about me.

 

Because I'm a afraid to throw 23 years of my life away. It's scary and feels like death.

 

Because I can't face my family. Especially my grandparents in their 90's, who have been through so much pain and loss in their life and who love him. They have no idea what occurred. I'd never tell them. They need and deserve peace in their last days.

 

Because when I became a wife I made a sacrifice. Our lives inter-twined.

 

Because I know without me he will not live well. He will fall into alcoholism and addiction.

 

Because until you've been there you never can know the deep conflict inside. All roads point to leaving but you cry silent tears and you sacrifice. You give up opportunities for love with others. I was so close to leaving once but it always feels like "grass is greener" syndrome.

 

There are no green pastures for a walk-away wife.

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Bella,

 

I was just thinking about you 2 days ago wondering how you are doing. It is good to see you post BUT...

 

You do not need to justify your choices to us or anyone else. You are a smart thoughtful woman that has been thrust into a situation that could not be more difficult and tormenting.

 

As I read your words above I see you thinking of everyone but yourself. You are so much more than a wife, a mother, a daughter or grandchild. You are extremely special and your words on this forum all these years are a testament to that.

 

I have probably more experience than most as far as walk away wives go so believe me when I say that IF you ever chose to leave you would not be a walk away in any shape or form and you would not be doing it for greener pastures. If you live in a rat infested disgusting apartment and want to leave for some place that isn't filled with disease and sorrow that isn't a form of escape, it is our nature to survive and move away from harmful surroundings and people.

 

If you ever chose to leave or in this case to kick him out I am very confident it would be for peace of mind and to lesson the torment on your soul, not for a chance at happiness with someone else.

 

You are worried about everyone else except yourself and we are worried about you. How are you doing? (be honest Bella) Are you or both of you seeing a therapist? Is there happiness in your life, in your soul?

 

Please keep in touch and do not worry one little bit about being judged for your choices as there is no one that is standing in your shoes but you.

 

We miss you

 

Lost

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big hugs bella. FWIW, being single is not that bad. You get to do what you want (within reason and within your child's schedule, of course). But I think you would be happier than you are right now. Your happiness is important, as it is is seeing a happy mom for your son.

 

Neither sets of my grandparents had a particularly happy marriage. My paternal grandmother seemed a lot happier once her husband passed away, to be honest. I never heard her talk about him or say she missed him after he died, but I heard her talk about other people who passed away. Anyway, I hope you find some peace in your life.

 

HUGS

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