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Opinions please


607rst

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Ok so I'm looking for opinions. I'm a 35 yr old mother of 2. I was with my ex husband since we were teenagers and about a month after separating from my marriage I met a now 43 year old man. We then continued to have a 3 year relationship, he has never been married and does not have any kids. Neither of us had any interest of marriage and he told me In the beginning of our relationship that he did not feel that he was interested in kids. I accepted this and built a relationship with him which excluded my children. My children's father plays a very active role in their lives and he has been very adamant to the point of threats that no one is allowed to be around his kids. I want to allow my children to have a happy childhood and do not want to involve courts which will only affect them so this was a perfectly fine deal for me. With that being said over the next 3 years I fell very in love w this man and with all the pressures of the norms in society I would push him from time to time to involve my kids in our lives and to move in together. This would inevitably always cause us to break up as it would make him feel bad about the person he was. We had a perfect relationship outside of these disagreements, we never fought, we loved spending time together and the sexual chemistry was out of this world. We broke up probably 6 times due to these feelings. We would always get back together and id promise to not say these things again, but a few months later I would say it again. In January my dr diagnosed me w major depressive disorder and put me on medication. Things were going great after that I was feeling so much better but I started to gain weight, I gained 15 pounds and started to panic, my ex husband was very critical of my weight and I am very self conscious about it. I was afraid my boyfriend would lose interest so I stopped my meds (he never expressed disinterest) it was a month later I started to spiral down hill, I started to bug him again and 5 months ago we split up for the final time. After we split I went crazy, I depended on him and didn't know what to do and how to be self reliant. I got drunk one night and broke into his house when he wasn't home and went to sleep in his bed, he came home to find me. I would go to his house 1 or 2 times a week and beg him to take me back and spend hours crying and refusing to leave, I'd text constantly I lost my mind. Then one day about a month after our split I had a realization that I was nuts. I stopped all communication with him and contacted a therapist. We didn't speak for a month. I got back on medication, I started running intensively, with the help of my therapist I looked deeply into myself. I have spent the last 5 months relying on myself and only myself, realizing that I took advantage of my ex in that he was just my boyfriend and I went nuts only because he was gone not because of how I felt. I have now realized the value I place on him in my life as someone I love deeper than I knew possible not as just he was my boyfriend. I have learned that I cherish my children and my time with them and I'm a very capable mother and you don't need a man in your home for it to be a complete home. I have a very happy and complete home with my kids, they are extremely happy and content kids. I have looked deeply inside myself to learn I love myself without anyone in my life. I have opened my life and my children's life to god. I feel I am I greatly improved person. About 4 months ago, my ex and I started talking again. I still get emotional when there are talks of relationship and I cry because I love him, this is a huge turn off for him I know and I believe the odds of us rekindling are probably 25% because of everything I've put him through. He says he would be crazy to go through it again after what I've done. I should also mention I never cheated on him and one time I left after a kid disagreement and dated a person twice but never even kissed him. My question to this forum is, he stated, he didn't feel that anyone else would give someone like me another chance after everything and 2. If the roles were reversed and I was a guy there would be no chance a girl would give a girl another chance. What are your opinions?

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I think you need to focus on your kids and being a strong role model.

 

I don't think he owes you not a 2nd chance...a 6th chance. Because this last episode was wayyyy over the top. In addition...he doesn't want your kids to be part of his life. Thereby limiting the growth of any.potential relationship because you will always be a mom.

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What mhowe said. Your kids should be the number 1 priority. Give them the love and attention they deserve. Please please please do this. Often kids are neglected and it can have a profound affect on them.

 

If you want to reconcile with your ex and it looks like it's in the cards, then tread lightly. Becareful and try not to send the kids mixed signals. Perhaps family counseling may help?

 

Good luck.

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You've only been without a man for 5 months, and that's not long enough to stabilize. You're latching your focus onto the only man who's in front of you at the moment, and he realizes this.

 

If things are going so great right now, why not invest in making this a more permanent and stable way of life rather than viewing it as a temporary place that you're willing to leap from as soon as you can hook onto a man?

 

Keep doing the work, there's plenty more to do.

 

Head high.

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