Batya33 Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 Why would he say he didn't receive your message if it's not true? Link to comment
milly007 Posted December 30, 2014 Author Share Posted December 30, 2014 Why would he say he didn't receive your message if it's not true? I have no idea. I guess I'm just skeptical, but I want to believe him. He wants to meet for coffee and I think I'm going to go for it. Link to comment
janut1 Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 I think you should go for it. My daughter met her current boyfriend on line. She started chatting with him on line then disappeared for awhile because she had her tonsils removed, went on vacation, and then moved all in a months time. Once all this was over she went back on line and they reconnected, met each other in person and are now dating. So yea, you never know what the other person is dealing with. It won't hurt to meet for coffee. If it doesn't feel right, you can leave. Please keep us posted. Link to comment
milly007 Posted December 30, 2014 Author Share Posted December 30, 2014 I think you should go for it. My daughter met her current boyfriend on line. She started chatting with him on line then disappeared for awhile because she had her tonsils removed, went on vacation, and then moved all in a months time. Once all this was over she went back on line and they reconnected, met each other in person and are now dating. So yea, you never know what the other person is dealing with. It won't hurt to meet for coffee. If it doesn't feel right, you can leave. Please keep us posted. I think I will. Thanks, janut1! I'll keep you posted. I am a bit concerned, though, because I have a lot on my plate now and I'm concerned that various things that are happening in my life will impact my dating life. I'm extremely stressed for three reasons: 1.) I have a family member in the hospital now and they have been in and out of the hospital on numerous occasions over the last few months (he was taken to the emergency unit on Christmas morning again and on Boxing Day...and he's still there). The doctors don't know what's wrong and it causing stress for my family. 2.) My job is causing a lot of undue stress due to deadlines and a large file load. I can't keep up with it all 3.) I was in a car accident a couple of weeks ago. A lady slammed on the breaks in front of me and my car then collided with hers. This is all too much and I know it's beginning to affect my health. I just don't want it to affect my dating life too, but if it's affecting my health, how can it not affect my dating life. I know it will. At this point, I'm seriously afraid of having a heart attack. Ugh. Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 If the roles had been reversed, I know he would feel the same way. And I think most people would. Trust me, Sportster, I'd like to agree with you on this one and I hope I'm wrong. I'll be the first to admit if I am wrong and let you all know if he does get back to me (with a reason as to why there's been a delay). But at this point, I think he's flaked. I sometimes hope I'm wrong too. And often I am. I think you amassed some good advice on this one. Maybe not mine I'm O.K with that. Link to comment
milly007 Posted December 30, 2014 Author Share Posted December 30, 2014 I sometimes hope I'm wrong too. And often I am. I think you amassed some good advice on this one. Maybe not mine I'm O.K with that. Hi Sportster, I'm keeping with my word here and admitting that I was wrong...so wrong. I despise text messaging (and I just told him - the guy - this). He agrees and we're planning on meeting instead of all this ridiculous text messaging. Did I mention how much I enjoy online dating? Haha...omg. Link to comment
milly007 Posted December 30, 2014 Author Share Posted December 30, 2014 I honestly don't know how to deal with everything and I don't want to talk to my family about it because it will make them worry (and they have enough on their plate); especially my parents. Jeeez... My parents are already having to deal with my sick brother. The last thing they need are my worries. I could barely handle my brother being sick paired with my job. The car accident made things much worse for me. I thought it was a minor fender/bender, but now these people are claiming accident benefits, etc. through their insurance company. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 I have no idea. I guess I'm just skeptical, but I want to believe him. He wants to meet for coffee and I think I'm going to go for it. Yes, meet in person and coffee is perfect -short and hopefully sweet but if not sweet at least short. I hope your stress level goes way down soon. Sorry about all that is going on. Link to comment
milly007 Posted December 30, 2014 Author Share Posted December 30, 2014 Yes, meet in person and coffee is perfect -short and hopefully sweet but if not sweet at least short. I hope your stress level goes way down soon. Sorry about all that is going on. Thanks, Batya. I'm afraid that if I am interested in this guy (or any guy after this for that matter) that I'll scare him away with everything I have going on in my life. However, this guy now knows (as of today) about my brother. He was already aware of my crazy work schedule. And he seems to be understanding too - so far. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 Thanks, Batya. I'm afraid that if I am interested in this guy (or any guy after this for that matter) that I'll scare him away with everything I have going on in my life. However, this guy now knows (as of today) about my brother. He was already aware of my crazy work schedule. And he seems to be understanding too - so far. Then don't talk about those things when you meet him. If you have to do your homework and read up on interesting current events, current movies, music, theater, events, whatever. On one of my blind dates I read up on football because I knew he was a fan. He was so impressed! (we dated for several years). Link to comment
milly007 Posted December 30, 2014 Author Share Posted December 30, 2014 Then don't talk about those things when you meet him. If you have to do your homework and read up on interesting current events, current movies, music, theater, events, whatever. On one of my blind dates I read up on football because I knew he was a fan. He was so impressed! (we dated for several years). Ok, thanks. I know what I need to do, but I don't know if I can pull it off. I'll have to stop my brain from drifting to the stressful stuff (but mainly the accident) because the other things are more so in my control. I just don't want to scare anyone away (not that I would discuss it now, but even down the road). Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 Thanks, Batya. I'm afraid that if I am interested in this guy (or any guy after this for that matter) that I'll scare him away with everything I have going on in my life. However, this guy now knows (as of today) about my brother. He was already aware of my crazy work schedule. And he seems to be understanding too - so far. It's just coffee honey. It's a first meet, not even a date yet, to determine mutual interest. Don't make it more than it is. Link to comment
milly007 Posted December 30, 2014 Author Share Posted December 30, 2014 It's just coffee honey. It's a first meet, not even a date yet, to determine mutual interest. Don't make it more than it is. I know. I'm always hoping (despite trying to keep my expectations low) that the next guy is the one I'm hoping for (I know, I know...guilty). I guess I'm just hoping to hear from someone (other than myself) that if they are the right person for me, and if they are a good person, that they'll understand and take me along with all of the other craziness in my life. Whether it's this guy or someone else. Link to comment
mhowe Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 If they don't know about the problems...they can't run from them. Link to comment
milly007 Posted December 30, 2014 Author Share Posted December 30, 2014 If they don't know about the problems...they can't run from them. True. But in the future, if this accident bites me in the butt, and I'm with someone, I'll have to tell. For now I'll just have to play dumb, I guess (and more importantly, live in the moment, instead of dreading the future and unknown). Link to comment
mhowe Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 If you tell him about a pending suit and he somehow gets dragged into it... Link to comment
milly007 Posted December 30, 2014 Author Share Posted December 30, 2014 If you tell him about a pending suit and he somehow gets dragged into it... Sorry, mhowe...are you asking me to clarify? Link to comment
milly007 Posted December 30, 2014 Author Share Posted December 30, 2014 If you tell him about a pending suit and he somehow gets dragged into it... I just don't want anyone else to be or feel burdened by my life events (and I'm fearful of scaring them away). I just wish I could take things in stride a little more. I don't know if I'm blowing this all out of proportion or if I'm handling everything the way I should be. I'm wondering whether I'm over-reacting. Link to comment
mhowe Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 You are anticipating up to two years in the future with people you haven't met yet. You should not speak of the accident and lawsuit with him...at all. And your brother and work...share what you want but no one is going to be there for you if they don't know you. Unless they like fixer uppers...and that is a red flag in itself. Link to comment
milly007 Posted December 30, 2014 Author Share Posted December 30, 2014 You are anticipating up to two years in the future with people you haven't met yet. You should not speak of the accident and lawsuit with him...at all. And your brother and work...share what you want but no one is going to be there for you if they don't know you. Unless they like fixer uppers...and that is a red flag in itself. Thanks, mhowe. I'll keep it to myself. We're sometimes our own worst enemy and clearly I am with my own thoughts right now. So unhealthy. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 I just don't want anyone else to be or feel burdened by my life events (and I'm fearful of scaring them away). IF you feel this way, maybe you shouldn't take a break on dating. Handle your business first. Link to comment
milly007 Posted December 30, 2014 Author Share Posted December 30, 2014 Thanks, Ms. Darcy. I've actually taken my profile down from the dating site for now (as of tonight). But I'm still communicating with two guys from the site (including the guy who texted me tonight and who was the subject of my initial post in this thread). I'm taking it slow and they both have an idea of what I have on my plate work-wise and they both know about my brother. When I told them about my brother, it made them realize what I have on my plate right now (because they've acknowledged how crazy my workload is at the office). I'm trying to keep the lines of communication open too, to a certain extent, because I don't want them to think that I'm not interested in them. I'm also thinking that this craziness in my life is magnified because all I do is work (because I don't have time for anything else), so I'm hoping that by being open to a relationship, it may help relieve some of this chaos. I'm also reluctant to walk away from these guys because I know they're both looking for long term relationships, and that's what I'm hoping for, eventually. I really want a relationship, but I don't know if I'm in the right mindset right now. And yet both of these guys seem like a (potential) catch. I've spent such a long time on my own and focusing on my career, that I would love to meet someone and form a relationship. I can't help but think that I deserve to have a good guy in my life right now. But this accident threw me for a loop. As for my job, it will always be crazy and demanding. And as for my brother, he was doing okay today, but his health issues seem to come in waves (it can change in a split second); hence why they're keeping him in the hospital. I have to believe that he'll be okay. If I was younger than I am (I'm in my early 30's now) and felt like I had that time to focus only on myself and basically be a hermit until I figure all this out, I would. But I don't have that time to spare. I've worked so hard to get to where I am and have sacrificed so much, so I'd hate to have to go back to where I was in my early 20's, where I felt the need to take a step back and figure things out. I guess I feel like I have always put business first and that's why I'm single. And I can't help but think right now that I'll always have some sort of challenge on my plate. I kind of feel like I'm da*ned if I do, and da*ned if I don't. I don't know whether I should walk away from these guys right now, or not. I'm interested in these guys. I want a relationship. But I have so much on my plate. I've always felt like I have a lot on my plate, but I've never had this much on the go. Link to comment
milly007 Posted December 30, 2014 Author Share Posted December 30, 2014 I should note that the last time I met a really good guy (a couple of years ago), I found myself in a situation where I was preparing for some major things at work and again, a family member received some bad news regarding their health. Due to the stress, I became sick and just stopped contacting this person altogether. He knew I had a major presentation at work coming up at that time, but I didn't tell him about my family member being sick, or me being sick, and it ended up backfiring. I just shut down once all of these things began to happen and didn't contact him at all. I knew I screwed up by not communicating with him. But again, these things were a bit different than what I'm experiencing now. What I have on my plate now is (or at least seems) 100 times worse than what I experienced a couple years ago. I tend to always shut down when things get rough. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 It is really all about your attitude. No matter what's happening, if you don't think you can handle dating, then you probably won't be able to. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 You could always opt to view dating as a break from all else and an opportunity to shift your focus AWAY from self involvement. Then you can relax and extend some generosity and a willingness to learn about someone else. Try making this about him-not-you, and you may just enjoy yourself. Link to comment
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