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Would you call this person a friend? A backstabber? How do I shake this?


sadchick83

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I don't want to make this too long, but I have what I would consider a close friend for the last year or so. We are both in graduate school and looking to get jobs late next year. We had what I would consider a falling out this week. Please help me analyze this situation.

 

I am a mature student. I have worked very hard for about 15 years, sold my house at a moderate profit and moved away to live with my boyfriend who is both successful and generous. I am fortunate to be able to afford things and go back to school without student debt and live well while doing so. I didnt rob banks, I just saved and have help from my partner.

 

I have noticed that this so-called friend has been avoiding me for the last few months. She is the kind of woman who is transparent in that she lets you know she dislikes almost everyone, including her in-laws and anyone who we have to do group work with etc. She even yelled at a Professor then burst into tears outside his classroom because she got something incorrect on an exam, and he would not adjust her mark. However, up until a few months ago, she was what I would consider a friend, despite her having issues with almost everyone.

 

Anyway, while we usually do things together, including select classes together, occasionally attend events together, I noticed she started going to employer's seminars without me. English is not her first language, and while she does well, she hasn't done as well as I have in the grades department. She tries, but I am studying in English, my first language. GPA is always requested with prospective candidates. Whatever, we all have our strengths and weaknesses.

 

I wasn't planning on applying for any jobs until next year, but decided to try for a few. When she found out I was applying she actually raised her voice and said "YOU? WORK? YOU ARENT ACTUALLY PLANNING ON WORKING, WERE YOU" She was implying that I am just getting a degree for the fun of it and was super angry I was going to take "a spot" at one of the companies. It was shocking to say the least and I cannot believe a "friend" would speak to me like that.

 

Anyway, it turns out she got like a trial, work for no pay deal with the company we both applied for. I didnt get anything even though my marks are higher and I have more experience. But whatever, the fit wasn't there for me and I congratulated her (I am genuinely happy for her)

 

Actually, now that I think of it, I was offered a position with a professor and she said it was only because he was hitting on me.

 

I am having trouble shaking this whole event. Her true feelings came out and I feel really bad that I wasted a year + being friendly and nice to someone who seems to be jealous person. She basically yelled at me for applying for a job. I also have a feeling she has been bad mouthing me around school.

 

What should I do here? She has outbursts on occasion, but I really don't appreciate that she implied I don't need to work. Very rude, and not her business. I am having nightmares she even tried to sabotage me because I was told I did extremely well in the first round of interviews. Her true colors came out and Im not sure how to proceed with this woman. I welcome any suggestions.

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Ignore her, be an ethical, open person, rely on your own skills and interactions to get ahead.

 

She doesn't control the world.

 

Stop signaling anything of what you are doing to her or any other potential rivals.

 

Be more savvy about competition and employment.

 

Avoid that toxic person.

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Ignore her, be an ethical, open person, rely on your own skills and interactions to get ahead.

 

She doesn't control the world.

 

Stop signaling anything of what you are doing to her or any other potential rivals.

 

Be more savvy about competition and employment.

 

Avoid that toxic person.

 

Thank you, jim, you are totally right. I just did what I could to block any further posts on Facebook without making it obvious. I didnt think I had to block going on vacation, or doing anything nice in life, but I guess I do. You are right, I am not savvy and way too trusting. She very well could have told the recruiter I was crazy.

 

I don't have much time for making friends given my situation and just mad at myself for wasting time on a "frenemy" of the worst kind.

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If she's been avoiding you, then you don't really have a problem. Let her fade away, and be civil to her whenever you cross paths.

 

No drama necessary.

 

She sits with me in a few classes, so I cannot avoid her. We have group work coming up and Im sure when we get into difficult classes next term, she will want to compare answers and be calling me. I have carried her through many courses. I hear you though. Maybe I should just be cordial in class. I just feel so burned.

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Polite and detached unless she makes some effort to repair the friendship.

 

I have a thought, which is, maybe she struggles with money, and feels resentment that you, her friend that does not, are going to be her competition for work. Not cool to act how she did but, working in a really competitive industry myself, I can relate to that. I don't think you should take that outburst too personally. You'll be totally within your rights to fast fade her for now though.

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Polite and detached unless she makes some effort to repair the friendship.

 

I have a thought, which is, maybe she struggles with money, and feels resentment that you, her friend that does not, are going to be her competition for work. Not cool to act how she did but, working in a really competitive industry myself, I can relate to that. I don't think you should take that outburst too personally. You'll be totally within your rights to fast fade her for now though.

 

Thanks lala...Her husband makes quite a bit of money, so she is not really struggling. She hasn't worked in 7 or 8 years since she came to the USA, and seems to be doing fine. But yes, I am going to fade her out. Yea, maybe you are right. Maybe in her culture it is ok to be animated and yell, I'm just not used to it.

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I hear you though. Maybe I should just be cordial in class. I just feel so burned.

 

No need to feel burned, consider it a lesson learned to Pay Attention to how potential friends behave toward others. When you see them behaving badly toward anyone else, then you'll recognize the potential to turn against you at any given time.

 

Advice from Grandma: "The problem is not that snakes will cross your path, they will. The problem comes when you're lonely or bored enough to pick up the snake to play with it."

 

Head high, this was time well spent.

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