Just a journal, by justagirl.

[Fudgie]

Don't get me wrong, I like to talk about research and new findings, I think that's really interesting. But you can't talk about it all the time. Or any one thing at one time. Everyone needs a variety or else you're going to get bored or run out of things to say.

 

My father sounds a bit like your ex. He's in healthcare and that's usually what he talks about. I work to steer him towards new topics when I talk to him, sometimes bluntly "OK enough about the damn hospital, let's talk about THIS..."

[justagirl2]

My boyfriend and I talk A LOT about his current problems at work. We also talk a lot about movies, our future, our new apartment, etc... He is def. not a gossiper, even though he does listen when I try to explain one of his friends are taking advantage of him. I guess we talk a bit about everything? A lot of times he's not in the mood to talk and we just sit and watch a movie and read together - which I also love. I guess just stuff in general? He's def. not the best listener to my problems but honestly, I also don't really like to talk about my problems. I've always been this way. If I do tell him I NEED him to listen, he will and will give advice and help me.

 

I agree about the platonic thing. I think Z and I won't ever be able to hangout too much because there were feelings involved and we kissed and went on romantic dates. But, I do think it's ok to catch up once every few months. I think his invite to hangout had second intentions though - even if he was not aggressive at all, I feel like if I had said I was single or my relationship wasn't going great, he might have acted differently. Or maybe not, who really knows. Right?

[justagirl2]

I HATE but admire the fact that M just can't gossip. On Easter lunch, me, his brother, his father and his brother's fiancé wanted to resolve a situation about a friend of the boys who has kind of leached on to them. We were trying to resolve the situation since he has now been leeching on to the boys' fathers. M kept interrupting and saying: "Guys, we are better than this. This is not us at our best. I don't like talking about someone when he's not here". I mean, it's cute but at the same times, sometimes these topics need to be addressed.

 

We kind of talk about everything. Puppies. Economics at times. Movies. Documentaries. Just normal stuff. He just doesn't care about gossip at all.

[justagirl2]

I miss M so much. Have the day off tomorrow (work from home) and can't sleep. Just miss him. He gets back tomorrow at 10pm and will sleepover! I also like the solitude of 4:30am when I don't need to wake-up early on the next day.

 

I'm feeling SO much less anxious. I have to think you girls who are the people I mostly vent to.

 

My therapist FINALLY arrives tomorrow and I have an appointment next week. I'll finally get my Ambien back (but it was good to see I survived weeks without it). I survived it. On my own and with the help of you guys! I'm proud of that

 

I got my period on Sunday and my birthday is in 10 days so I think this all played a role on the high anxiety I felt last week. I always feel high anxiety the 2 weeks before my Bday even though I'm not even thinking of it much at all.

 

I'm excited about moving in with M. I think for someone like me, moving in without marriage is actually ideal. Getting engaged, planning a wedding AND moving in together would be just too much for my anxiety to handle. So I feel like moving in for 1 year, then getting engaged for 1 year, then getting married all ease my anxiety a bit. All my friends who didn't move in before marriage tell me the first 1 year was HELL and they almost got divorced. My friends who moved in before marriage seemed to find the transition easier. For someone with high anxiety, I think doing it step by step makes it easier for me. Changes are tough and I can't imagine moving in, getting engaged and planning a wedding all in the same couple of months/year. I need to ease up into transitions.

 

As for the VISA issues, it will sort itself out one way or the other. It's outside of my control and I know there IS a way to make it work.

[notalady]

Sounds like M has got a full plate and can't really divert much attention to your problems (if you have any)? Anyway as long as you're comfortable with that, that's all that matters. Just make sure you don't let his problems consume or worry you and take care of your own emotional needs.

 

For me, I realised post break up how exhausted I was from my ex being so negative all the time and needed so much emotional support all the time and didn't really have the capacity to provide me with emotional support if I needed it (not that I needed it often, I was pretty happy with my life). I didn't feel like he was someone I can talk to about my problems, which was obviously a red flag lol.. I do feel like I can do that with Z and he always gives me good advice or just say things to try and make me feel better (like when my grandpa passed away a month ago), which is great.

 

I get that he doesn't like discussing about people without them present. But I don't think it's gossip to talk about someone that you all have a problem with, when you were discussing how you are going to deal with it. That stuff needs to be discussed and resolved. Does he tend to avoid dealing with interpersonal relationship issues? Ie with friends, family etc?

[justagirl2]

I know that if I needed M, I could talk to him about my problems. I know that if I needed my sister, I could talk to her about my problems. I know that if I needed my father, I could talk to him about my problems. But, I honestly don't like to open up much about it and prefer to resolve it with my therapist and by writing on my journal. It's really not M's fault - it's just how I am and how I've always been.

 

Again, M isn't negative all the time. He has had 3 bad days where he was a lot to handle in 9 months (very down about his job and with a negative energy) - which I think is fine. He got over it and went back to fighting the next day. I talked to my best friend today on the phone for 1 hour and she is having similar issues with her fiancé. She's actually worried he doesn't want to have sex sometimes because he's SO consumed with his stress about work but then realized he just can't think about anyone else. I just think guys have a very hard time with figuring their career stuff out in their 30's. This is my second friend who seems to have a boyfriend in his early 30's going through similar issues.

 

Yes, M is very non-confrontentional. I am too, but I am more political. M simply prefers to talk directly to his friend about the problems than to be talking about him in a table with other people - even if we were not being malicious. It takes him a long time to get to the point where he realized he needs to confront the person/friend. He did talk to his friend and gave him advice AFTER we all talked about it. He ended with an "I love you bud, just telling you this for your own good". This is a guy he genuinely cares about but has been feeling TOO comfy with the family lately. Funny that in the office, he's totally confrontational. He just doesn't like to talk bad or criticize the people he cares about even when sometimes, it is not malicious.

[Batya33]

I think it's great not to gossip. In my marriage we talk about others because we trust each other not to reveal but other than joking around it's not to be gossipy but to get advice on how to deal with friendships/work situations, etc. Outside my marriage I do not gossip but I will share a story about someone I know with no names or identifying details with a friend who will never meet that person so to me that is not "gossip" in the traditional sense.

 

I am right now in an awkward situation where a married friend of mine is potentially at the playing with fire stage with a man from her past and given the details I decided not to tell my husband who it is and asked him not to guess - this is my friend but I'd rather that no one knows about it (even without names) other than him. It's hard for me but I want to respect her. She didn't ask me not to tell anyone but it seems like the right thing to do. That is where I trust my husband more than I would trust anyone else (except maybe my sibling).

 

Men and women can be friends. And if there was an attraction in the past I think a friendship is fine as long as both are over it and preferably both are in relationships/supportive of the others' relationships. I have a platonic friend for 21 years now and my best guess is he doesn't remember asking me out shortly after we met (I said no). There were times over the years when I was single that I contemplated reaching out in that way but never did and neither did he.

 

As far as living together -yes, if you plan on having a wedding reception -and especially a large one - then that priority likely will add extra stress to your life. It's not difficult at all to have an amazing wedding without a large reception if your goal is to get married sooner rather than later without that level of stress. I planned my wedding in 6 weeks. My husband planned the honeymoon. I know for sure that living together before would not have smoothed the transition in the least -apples and oranges. Other than becoming parents right away (a huge "other than!") I didn't see where there was any real transition or surprises. We already spent tons of time together.

 

I was crazy to do so many things at once: engaged/married/leaving job and being unemployed for the first time since teenage-hood/becoming a mom/relocating for the first time in my life - all in one year or less- but I hate change too and it was actually better to get it all over with! I guess I expected it to be crazy/stressful and if we had done the baby steps thing I might have expected it to be smoother and then been "disappointed".

 

One great surprise - when you relocate that quickly and move twice within 6 months of your child being born that means tons of empty boxes that everyone forgets to throw away and as soon as baby starts crawling -boxes make the most awesome and most inexpensive toys!

[notalady]

Batya, I didn't know kids are like cats - they love boxes and of course like running around in the house.

[Batya33]

Batya, I didn't know kids are like cats - they love boxes and of course like running around in the house.

 

Yes -I love cats (cannot wait to get one again!) and I never liked comparing babies/kids to cats/dogs even though I am sure when we get a cat I won't be able to help thinking of him as "my baby" at certain times!

 

So to add to "what we talk about" - it depends - we do talk about current events - typically not local as much as national/international, we talk some about our son but try not to inordinately focus on that topic, we talk about tv/movies/actors (especially from the past), our friends'/familys' lives, books we are reading and sometimes about work (or in my case job searching). We have a lot of inside jokes, some from almost 20 years ago! Some of them are so old that I forget that whatever it is didn't really happen.

 

I try to email the mundane stuff -things we have to get done, etc. I also like the comfortable silences a lot. I try to avoid reading out loud to him parts of the book I'm reading that seem interesting because I can see where out of context it just isn't the same but I think I'd do more of that if I didn't restrain myself. I love sharing books.

[justagirl2]

I'm feeling better from anxious weeks and my therapist is finally back. Everyone from my Bschool is freaking out about their visa so I'm not alone in the boat.

 

Someone from the school forum posted:

 

feeling nervous

April 13 at 11:53pm · Fremont, CA

So, international peeps: Who else is looking for potential job opportunities outside the US!?!

link removed

 

USCIS Completes the H-1B Cap Random Selection Process for FY 2016 | USCIS

U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) announced on April 7, 2015 that it has received enough H-1B petitions to reach the statutory cap of 65,000 visas...

link removed

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Comment from XYZ: At 233,000, there has been a 35% increase in H-1B filings this year!!!

 

It's going to be one heck of a lottery this year.

 

I already applied to a computer programming course in case I need to stay on the F1 (I've always been interested in that, and funny enough, those are the only peeps exempt from the cap right now, figure it will come in handy).

 

I've done both things I can control, so now all I can do is wait. I KNOW I'm staying in NYC regardless (with either visa) so there's not much to worry about. Imagine the people who DON'T have that choice and need to get up and leave? I'm lucky I do and that's what I have to be thankful for.

 

I'm going to Miami for my 28th this weekend! Woo. My boyfriend is coming and 3 of my girl friends. We are all staying in my apt. I feel bad that M will be the only guy but oh well... it's my birthday, the girls wanted to come celebrate with me, and I do a lot of these things for him too. Will try to have alone time specially at night since the girls will probably go out partying at night. I will see my sister too. So 4 girls and M. LOL. Oh well.

[annie24]

You have an apartment in Miami?? Why haven't I gotten an invite, lol?? Have fun!!!

 

PS - good idea on the computer science course.

[justagirl2]

Annie - Let's do it! OMG Miami is amazing. I don't go nearly enough and it was SO much fun.

 

I think it was a birthday where age-wise, I had very little concerns. I just turned 28 and feel like I'm on the right track in life with the man I want to marry, great friends and family and a career that I KNOW will be fine even it this Visa stuff is iffy right now.

 

My family were so great this weekend. My sister is in college in Miami so was with us for a big part of the weekend. She was a sweetheart. My father showed his love by being a little absent and letting us enjoy it. He made sure our Miami home was impeccably prepared for my arrival but didn't call me too many times to check-up and control everything. He WAS the first person to call me at 12:00am on my birthday, but that was super sweet and just like he does it every year. My mom was having a great weekend so she was also very positive and loving on her calls to me. My stepmom sent me the most beautiful message. M was AMAZING. What a great boyfriend. He was in my house with 4 Latin women (including me) + my 20 year old sister and he was a star. He gets along super well with my sister and he just handled the overdose of women so well. He's such a gentlemen. He felt a little sick on Sunday but we spent time together on the pool and it was super nice. I alternated staying with M a lot, going out with M and the girls and then sometimes just going out with the girls while M worked/read/chilled at home. It worked really well even though I stressed about it a little. I love him so much he is such a caring guy. Everybody loves him. I got so many calls/messages from friends, more than the usual - but then I guess that happened because my birthday was on a Sunday and people had more time - I def. felt very loved/cared about and sometimes felt a little awkward on how to reply to so much positive vibes coming my way.

 

Today our flight back to NYC was a disaster due to bad weather so M and I got a little stressed with each other since we spent over 12 hours on the airport (as did so many people). It's normal that we got impatient a bit due to so many delays and us both being exhausted from the weekend and behind on work for Tuesday. It's normal for couples to be a little cranky with each other right? M and I so very rarely get cranky/annoying that when it happens it's a little strange. Lol. But, part of it all.

 

I'm still having very high anxiety but am proud of how I've been managing it. I don't like big dates, traveling and having to entertain a lot of people. This weekend included ALL of these and even though my birthday was AMAZING and I had SO much fun with all of them, the juggling did cause me a bit of stress. My heart starts RACING about midday and at night I feel on the verge of a panic attack. I normally take half o xanax when I'm feeling to anxious. But, I think the most notable is just that I've been able to deal with my anxiety and not let it bring me to a full blown panic. I remember on my birthday dinner, I was so anxious with everyone giving me attention, calling me, having to deal with M who was starting to feel sick... I felt like I was going to for sure have a panic attack but then I thought, you know what, whatever. I know how to deal with panic attacks so if they come, so be it. I'm not scared of them. Needless to say, they never came. Everything worked out great.

 

I still hope this moment of high anxiety will diminish soon, but I think it's correlated to my Visa and not knowing where I will live next summer (it will be in NYC but not sure which building). These things will slowly straighten themselves out I just need to be patient.

 

I worked from the Miami HQ of my office on Friday and half day today. I loved everyone there and they all seem to really like me and believe in me. It was really nice to meet the CEO and talk to him and hear his thoughts about the future of the company going forward.

 

So yes, tomorrow need to wake-up and GO to work. And resolve some of the documents for my potential Columbia masters in case my work visa doesn't get approved for this year. As a legal F1 student, I can work at the company I'm at now in NY but only get paid in my country's currency - without breaching any of the American law. It's not that bad. I think everything will workout fine in the end really.

 

I'm 28!!! Things aren't the easiest right now, feeling a little anxious in general, but I got to say I'm mostly SO thankful for my family, friends, boyfriend and life. Thank you G-d for 1 more blessed year! Anxiety, anxiety go away, come again another day!!!

[Batya33]

Glad things are going well! Happy Birthday!

 

Not sure if I missed something but since it was your birthday why did you choose to spend it an environment that causes you stress/anxiety?

 

(subtext -I hope when it comes time to take your wedding vows that you ignore the "my family would kill me if I didn't have a big wedding reception" and have your day exactly the way you and M want it and as low-stress/complicated as possible).

[justagirl2]

Glad things are going well! Happy Birthday!

 

Not sure if I missed something but since it was your birthday why did you choose to spend it an environment that causes you stress/anxiety?

 

(subtext -I hope when it comes time to take your wedding vows that you ignore the "my family would kill me if I didn't have a big wedding reception" and have your day exactly the way you and M want it and as low-stress/complicated as possible).

 

Batya - OMG. You know me so well. I'm my father's oldest daughter, I'm sure he wants to invite our whole hometown to our wedding. It's a tradition in my country that the father of the bride pays for the wedding. The thought of a big wedding SCARES me so much. I hate that idea. Heck, I had a lil dinner with 5 people in Miami and that stressed me out imagine a wedding for 500 people. I wouldn't make it out alive. I'm NOT having a big wedding. M likes parties, but at the max, I will have something simple with about 50 close friends? Honestly I prefer to skip this wedding thing all together and just invest in a house or something, but M likes a party so I will have to compromise. NO WAY I'm having my family's dream wedding.

 

Which puts me to the next comment: Miami wasn't really supposed to be in such a stressful environment. I'm just very stressed at the moment. I mean, now looking back, it was super laid-back and chill, I didn't even have a party or anything. We hangout, went to the beach, went to dinner. I had my close friends, my sister and my boyfriend with me and they were super chill, didn't judge what I wanted to do. I don't think Miami was a super stressful/anxious environment. My anxiety is at a high level right now so everything is becoming a source of stress. Of course the juggling was a little annoying, but honestly, that's life and I really had a great time.

 

The wedding subtext - THAT is going to be a serious problem. I'm not going to be able to do a big wedding and my family is very influential in our hometown so can you imagine what they want to do for the first daughter? I don't even think I'm going to get married in my hometown to avoid all this. I really would like to get married in my home state - but maybe I could go to an isolated beach and invite only my close friends. Even talking about this creates me anxiety. It's just sad I can't get married in my beloved hometown because I have to avoid inviting the whole town when I don't even know that many people there anymore. I really want to get married (if I ever do) in my hometown, but I think I will have to do a beach a few hours away from it so I can avoid being forced to invite everyone. If I do it in a small beach, where people had to get a plane or drive hours to get there, my dad won't feel like he has the obligation to avoid 500+ people.

[annie24]

You can always hire a wedding planner and just have them deal with everything. Or if you go with a hotel/resort, they may have some packages already pre-assembled, so just pick a package and then you can do the fun things (and let the wedding coordinator deal with the rest).

[justagirl2]

Well, I don't really think wedding planners means the stress goes away. People are still stupor stressed. But yes, I would probably do a hotel type thing (more boutique-y, less resort-y) but who knows. I'm not getting married any time soon guys! LOL. If I do marry M, which I hope I do, it will only be in about 2 years time. A LOT can change... I have this crazy ideal that I would like to get married before 30 so I can start having child but that's my only real "hurry". That would mean getting married in about Jan-March of 2017. Almost 100% sure the wedding (big party) won't happen anytime before that (almost 2 years).

[annie24]

I think it can help cut down on stress though - have someone else look after some details. I see people going crazy with DIY stuff, and I don't think it's worth it sometimes - as an example, I had a friend (who is not a seamstress) try to make bridesmaid dresses for her bridesmaids (who all lived out of town). When they came to town 2 days before the wedding, none of the dresses came even close to fitting. Good thing that she had them all bring backup dresses, just in case, in the same color. But seriously - all that time cutting and sewing and doing this and that..... and then it's all a waste.

[justagirl2]

I talked to my doctor about my high anxiety this past month and she upped my Sertraline dose from 50 to 100mg. She wanted 75mg but with 75, I have to take 3 pills (they only make 25, 50, 100) and that creates a lot of anxiety for me. So, we decided to take 1 100mg pill. I'm scared it's too much I've always been fine with 25-50mg. I've taken it since I was 16 (25mg) so I'm just anxious of taking a high dose. At the same time, I know anxiety has been crippling lately and I need more longterm help (the SSRIs) and not just the dangerous benzo pills. I have a lot on my place on the next 3-4 months and I know I can lower the dose again when I feel more stable.

[justagirl2]

M's crazy younger brother strikes again. Please help me understand where I was wrong here or if I was wrong.

 

My boyfriend had a wedding on a boat today of one of his college friends. I didn't even know his brother and fiancee were going. I've been having bad anxiety/panic attacks this week and am starting to feel better slowly with the medication. M told me that the wedding would be a 5 1/2 affair on a boat - that I would be stranded on the boat. I said for my anxiety, that didn't seem ideal so he said: "Baby, it's totally fine if you don't want to come. We are going to have so many of these affairs and sometimes you'll be able to, sometimes I won't, It's not big deal.

 

So ok, my boyfriend is super cute texting pics of the wedding.

 

Then, I get a text from his brother that says: "You should have been there. You have no legitimate excuse not to be here."

 

At first I thought he might be joking. So, I went to meet them all at the house once the wedding was over. There, I explained that I had a very tough week, my H1B visa was not called on the lottery and I've been working hard to get the visa for next year which is creating a bit stress for me. Still, he said: "I can't believe you left my brother there alone. The only excuse you had to not go was if either your parents were dead or you had broken a leg". WHAT? Is this a joke? I tried not to take it as a big deal as I was hanging out with his fiancee who was in my side and with my boyfriend who really didn't seem mad. Then, when I was leaving, I said: "Matty, let's hug it out, I'm sorry I couldn't be there, I hope you understand, we on good terms?". He replied saying: "Yes, but I think you are entitled. Just because you come from money you think it's ok to not go to people's weddings".

 

WHAT? First of all, my dad has money, I don't have money. And what does anything has to do with anything? I'm just baffled with the way he talked to me. This was the first wedding/event I didn't attend with Mike and that's because I'm having a very hard week and it was locked on a boat. My boyfriend was fully supportive of it.

 

Now I'm scared Mike is going be hurt with me because of all the poison that his brother put on his ears about this. I know his brother was just being protective of him, they love each other, but the way he talked to me was totally disrespectful.

 

I mean look at what he said:

 

"You are entitled, just because you have money you think you can not go to other people's weddings". does that even mean or have to do with anything? I go to EVERY damn wedding. Everyone of them. Also, my dad has money I'm just starting my life. Why was he so aggressive towards me?

 

I know deep down he loves and cares about me or he wouldn't even mind to say these things, but Matt (the brother) needs to learn he can spew hateful things towards others. He's lucky I'm very chill and would never make a scene. But imagine if he said this to someone who has a shorter temper?

 

I wonder if Mike is mad at me. He's asleep now as he has a work retreat at 5am. I don't think he is but this whole drama stressed me a little. Everything is GREAT between my boyfriend and I. Why did his brother feel the need to meddle?

[missmarple]

First of all, his brother was totally out of line. It was yours and Mike's decision if you would attend the wedding or not.

Second, what people say randomly (or seems to be random, at least) is, usually, what they really believe. The brother sounds jealous of your (or your dad's - in his eyes, it's the same) money and I'm sure he didn't just think of it at that moment. Personally, I wouldn't have left that comment without an answer but I'm one of those short-tempered people.

I don't think Mike is mad at you..why would he be? Was he present during that discussion?

[justagirl2]

M was not present during the discussion, he hung around for a bit and then went to bed because he had to wake-up early this morning for a work retreated. We all bantered a bit in a funny way how the brothers were raised to expect daily sex (the fiancee brought it up) and we were all just laughing and having a good time. She was clearly upset that Matt demands sex from her all the time and wanted me to be upset too. I'm not though. That's the thing. My relationship with M is really good. We understand each other and we get what the other needs. The couple seemed to be projecting their problems into us. Matt would NOT accept had Michelle not be there for him at that wedding - I think that was the projection.

 

Mike and I have our own relationship. We actually have a very good relationship where we understand each other very well. The brother did not need to meddle since I 100% KNOW Mike was fine with me not attending.

 

Then the money comment just came out of left field. Honestly, if M's fathers hadn't been so lavish with his money (always needs to move to bigger houses, best cars) he might have the same amount my dad has today. My dad lives like a peasant with none of the Prada jackets M's dad wear. My dad works hard, lives in an nice but ok home, and has driven the same car for the past 10 years. Our money really wouldn't be that much different had my father not been a smart investor who saves everything he can because his money is not for show - he loves to travel and he wants to give a comfortable life to his family. Ed (the dad) could have been the same way. Instead, he jumps from women to women going on lavish vacations, moving to even bigger homes ( one time they lived in the biggest house in the state of NY). So I mean, don't even get me started on my money because my money is my father's only and if he has more than Ed today, it's because he saved most of what he made.

 

But yes, what does Matt want talking about my family's money? He honestly doesn't even KNOW anything about it. It was an extremely disrespectful comment and one of very poor taste. But, this is Matt, my boyfriends' almost twin brother (13 months apart). I will have to deal with him forever so can't get too caught up in what he thinks/feels. I know that in his twisted way, he just felt like was protecting his brother and that I shouldn't have left him alone tonight.

[Batya33]

I really have no clue what having money has to do with declining an invite to a wedding. He means people with money are rude? But it's not rude to decline as long as you're not putting out the couple (i.e. you rsvp, they pay for you and you back out last minute for no reason) . I would feel anxious too on a boat or 5.5. hours.

 

Interestingly, some years ago I skipped a boat ride because of anxiety and because of the type of event I was very stressed about whether I made the right decision. Everyone involved was supportive or neutral except one person who I had just met that day but had to be involved with in the future. That person turned out to be a very unhappy, angry person in general. No surprise. That text has a lot more to do with M's brother's issues than any issue you might have had with going to the wedding. The best thing that can happen - M stays neutral (it is his brother) but please don't talk about it with M because then he might feel like he has to take sides.

[justagirl2]

I talked to M this morning and he was being so cute with me saying he loves me so much and calling me by our cute pet name. Lol. So yeah, we are good and no need to bring the wedding drama again.

 

But Batya - you have to agree the boy's comment was out of line, wasn't it? Mike did RSVP and he had a right to bring a date with no RSVP for the date so I don't even understand the big deal. Mike was the one who decided that since I was feeling unwell it might not be a good idea to be stuck on the boat for 5 and a half hours. He said that. He said he would LOVE to have me there but that he understood and thought I should choose what made me happy. You guys are proof here that I've been having a hard time this week, it's been one of the hardest weeks for me in a long while, how can the brother infer "I had no legitimate reason not to be there. I think the brother was projecting because he is trying to go into politics and he complains his very busy fiancee is not there to support him all the times. I'm starting to really adore Michelle (Matt's fiancee). At first, she seemed like this ice queen from the fashion world but the more I get to know more, the more she seems like just another compassionate women. Yes, she's fiery and harsh - but you have to be to make it in her business - but she's very kind to. She puts up with A LOT from Matt. He expects SO much from her.

 

So yeah, I think in the end, what stressed Matt was that everyone kept asking Mike if we were ok since I wasn't attending the event. It speaks of our society. Do we really need to be by our SO's side 24/7 without creating a gossipy scene?

 

Baffling.

 

And the money comment still left a bitter taste in my mind. I mean what did that have to do with anyone? I go everywhere for Mike and his family.

[missmarple]

I disagree that Mike shouldn't say anything. Yes, it's his brother but, at the same time, she's his gf and his brother was 100% in the wrong..it wasn't some misunderstanding.

I'm an only child but I have many cousins I'm close to and I would definitely talk to them if they said something rude to my bf. I had done it with my own mother once, back when I was engaged and she had told my fiance something really rude.

[Batya33]

I think Mike should say something if his brother is disrespectful in person to her -otherwise it means that she tattled on the brother and that puts Mike in an awkward position. He can say something but I see it as more on the line since this happened by text. I can see both sides. I completely agreed this comment was out of line as I wrote -and it has everything to do with his own issues. I think it was thoughtful of Mike to tell the OP not to attend if she wasn't feeling up to it.

 

I don't agree that the gossipy thing has anything to do with society -just the particular individuals who made gossipy comments. I might "think" what they said but not in any focused way and I certainly would not pry or comment.