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Blue Spiral's Adventures in Solitude


Blue Spiral

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Well, I meant to type out my list of women-related obstacles, but I just couldn't make myself do it. I thought it was my usual laziness...but, instead, it was a realization that I've wasted way too much of my life thinking about women (in a non-sexual way, anyway). I've had a really good week, and I didn't want to be reminded of all this crap. Honestly, I've had fun, I've done things that I enjoy...and then it was like, "Oh, right, I need to go to ENA and type up this list and oh god that sounds like a downer."

 

When it came to pursuing women, I never worked very hard. I didn't make much effort in that area. But I still regret most of the efforts I made, because they didn't get me enough. If someone from the future told me that my team wouldn't win the Super Bowl this year, I'd turn the TV off and wait for next year. If 35-year-old me could tell 19-year-old me that I'd get a lot of decently hot women, but not that many really hot women, I like to think that 19-year-old me would have just skipped the whole thing and avoided the hassle. I've never been someone that believes "the journey is more important than the destination" or "the experience is important". If I know that I can't/won't get what I want, I'm out, thanks.

 

Being celibate is my least-bad option, basically. When I was younger, and women my age were in the hottest years of their lives, it was a lot easier to rationalize giving it a shot. Now, though...yeah. Ironically, I'm getting more female attention than ever before. I think I'm just starting to hit my peak. Women ignored me when they were at their peak; I should probably return the favor.

 

Talking about myself is boring. Ugh.

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Are you really hot? I mean, that's a super subjective question, but I'd be interested in how you rate yourself on the "hotness" scale, considering your standards for women you sleep with.

 

I don't know if I'm objective enough to say. If height doesn't matter, I'm at least an 8, dammit. (In the past, when my self-esteem was worse, I rated myself as a 6 or a 6.5...but I get a lot of looks from women, and my FWBs and exes all say that I'm hot...)

 

If your implication is that I'm asking for a quality that I don't have myself...well, it's common for short women to want tall men, and for people of one race to want another race, and so on. My mental math is basically like this: I'm bringing the physical + other stuff to the table, and all I'm asking for is the physical, so it's a good deal.

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I don't know if I'm objective enough to say. If height doesn't matter, I'm at least an 8, dammit. (In the past, when my self-esteem was worse, I rated myself as a 6 or a 6.5...but I get a lot of looks from women, and my FWBs and exes all say that I'm hot...)

 

If your implication is that I'm asking for a quality that I don't have myself...well, it's common for short women to want tall men, and for people of one race to want another race, and so on. My mental math is basically like this: I'm bringing the physical + other stuff to the table, and all I'm asking for is the physical, so it's a good deal.

 

I guess my question is why the "other stuff" (or really anything other than looks) matters in a FWB situation. I mean, chances are that any woman you will be sleeping with has more to her than her looks, whether that be any combination of thoughtfulness, drive, intelligence, sense of humor, etc. I understand why that wouldn't matter to you in a FWB situation, of course. But I'm not sure why your other positive qualities would matter to her, you know?

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I guess my question is why the "other stuff" (or really anything other than looks) matters in a FWB situation. I mean, chances are that any woman you will be sleeping with has more to her than her looks, whether that be any combination of thoughtfulness, drive, intelligence, sense of humor, etc. I understand why that wouldn't matter to you in a FWB situation, of course. But I'm not sure why your other positive qualities would matter to her, you know?

 

They probably wouldn't. I don't put much thought into women outside of sex, so I didn't really think that through. My bad.

 

I just really really want to never speak to women ever again, right now. Agh. Last week was so awesome...and I avoided women the whole time. I should probably try that again. Being reminded of all this crap is driving me insane.

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They probably wouldn't. I don't put much thought into women outside of sex, so I didn't really think that through. My bad.

 

I just really really want to never speak to women ever again, right now. Agh. Last week was so awesome...and I avoided women the whole time. I should probably try that again. Being reminded of all this crap is driving me insane.

 

how do you deal with that in terms of work?? or going out, going to the grocery store, running errands, etc...?

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how do you deal with that in terms of work?? or going out, going to the grocery store, running errands, etc...?

 

I guess I should've said "...and I avoided women as much as I could." I did briefly talk to a woman while at the bank, and because of a work thing, as well. But it was less than five minutes each time, and they were both hot, so I feel like it's OK. There have been weeks where I've managed to avoid them entirely, though. Obviously, my dream would be to have an entire planet to myself, with no other human beings around...

 

(Wait: do cam models count?? I didn't talk to her, though! Sigh. I have a serious crush on her...)

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Good lord, my emotions are all over the place, today.

 

image removed

 

I'm stressed out, and I can feel my stress-related medical issue trying to come back. Also, I have to do a social thing at work, and as a result, my social anxiety is really acting up. I've put off this social thing for...six days, hoping it would resolve itself. That has not happened yet, so I'm going to have to force myself to do it. Maybe Thursday...

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I'm pleased to report that my stress level is down, and that I forced myself to do the work/social thing, as well. (I plan to reward myself for this tomorrow.) It didn't go super-well, but I did what I was supposed to do, and they're the ones that are in trouble.

 

In other news, I went on a YouTube binge, looking at tons of '80s TV stuff. Specifically, the intros for Knight Rider, Airwolf, Voltron, Streethawk (Tangerine Dream rules), Transformers, GI Joe, Thundercats, Silverhawks, Magnum, LA Law, Dynasty, Dallas, Knots Landing, and so on. But I kept finding increasingly-obscure stuff. As a result, I briefly had the Gummi Bears theme song stuck in my head, and it was...less than pleasant. Thank god the Avengers: Age of Ultron trailer snapped me out of it.

 

Of the three potential FWBs that contacted me this summer, the two more attractive ones have given up on me and moved onto other guys, and one is still sniffing around, sadly. She's getting older, and isn't getting attention like she used to. "Why do online guys keep making dates and then standing me up??" I suspect that they show up to the restaurant/coffeehouse/whatever, keep their distance, get a good irl look at her, and then vamoose. I need to figure out a polite way to brush her off (put the haterade down: I would have had to do the same to the other two, but circumstances took care of that for me). Unfortunately (for my celibacy), more women that I've contacted in the past have resurfaced, feeling me out. "Yeah, you messaged me and I never replied and hey do you have a girlfriend now?"

 

This week is going OK. Not as good as last week, but it's gotten better as the week has gone along. Hopefully that trend will continue.

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Well, I haven't had much life-stuff to talk about, lately. Thank god. I've been doing the things I enjoy and focusing on non-social things.

 

My one platonic-ish female friend texted me--we only talk every few months. I saw that she texted me, but I put off replying to her (I think I was about to have lunch), and then I forgot all about her. I'm not much of a friend. I did eventually respond, but I made up an excuse, because I didn't really feel like talking.

 

I had something similar happen with a senior citizen that I knew. I was sort of related to him for a while (long story), and I helped him with some things, as he didn't really have anyone else (in terms of younger people). I helped him move, helped him with his computer, did some stuff in his garage, etc. (And he helped me in certain areas, as well, for the record.) But we drifted apart over the years, and I kept meaning to re-establish contact with him...but I recently found out that he passed away. I really suck at maintaining any sort of human connection. I talk a lot about wanting women and such, but my actions make it clear that I'm happy being alone. That's one of the more selfless reasons for my gravitating towards the FWB concept: I'm pretty much worthless in any sort of one-on-one relationship, so it's best if I keep things casual. Or, better yet, just avoid people altogether, for my sake and theirs.

 

That all sounds very depressing, I'm sure...but I'm happier than I've been in months. Porn-assisted celibacy is working well, thus far. I have a serious crush on one of the cam-women.

 

I'm a broken record: I thought about typing up my list of obstacles, and I also thought about typing up more biographical stuff (about my first girlfriend in particular), but I couldn't make myself do it. Call it a combination of laziness and self-preservation. That stuff is negative, and I'd rather be positive, right now.

 

I've gotten some stuff done, this week, and I plan on rewarding myself by playing one of my favorite classic video games. The weekend will be football-heavy, but I may start it tomorrow night and continue it on Monday. Assuming things don't get in the way...

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One of my FWB candidates from the summer--the second-most-attractive one, who (I thought) moved onto another guy--has suddenly started texting me a lot. She also sent me pics of her in a sexy Halloween costume.

 

This is going to sound ridiculous, but, I've learned to be leery of women that are extremely interested in me. I'm all for women being the pursuers...but, if a woman is after me, I get worried, because that usually isn't a good sign. Any remotely hot woman should be able to do better! If they're after me, there are usually red flags that I lack the social skills to see. (Yeah, I'm reasonably good-looking, but women should be able to find someone that has looks and ticks all the normal boxes, which I don't.) Also, I learned something about her that sort of put me off. Maybe that's just the tip of the iceberg? She says she's looking for something casual, but, I get the impression that she's looking to settle down.

 

The selfless part of me says "Leave her alone and let her find a relationship-type guy" and the selfish part of me says "Not quite hot enough + may be something fishy here = run away!"

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There are times when I feel like I'm just now coming out of a fog--one that I've been in for the last decade and a half, maybe. It sounds weird, but, I feel like I'm finally waking up.

 

In my early years as an adult, the want/need for sex drove me to step out of my comfort zone (and I have a pretty narrow comfort zone). I went out into the world, I was social, I talked with women, etc. I tried. I genuinely tried for a long time. (I tried a little as a teenager, too, but I was way too screwed up to make anything work, back then.) Granted, as time passed, I tried less and less hard, because I became frustrated by the whole process. Then, seven years ago, I somehow lucked out and found a near-perfect woman--even more perfect than my first girlfriend--but I once again ran into the same problems.

 

Hindsight is 20/20, but, I should have given up on the whole thing after either my first or second girlfriend. Instead, I've been very slowly extricating myself from this whole relationship/sexually-driven social interaction thing. I've gone from serious relationships to casual relationships to FWBs to celibacy. I've finally reached the end of it, I think. I feel like I'm back where I'm started, back to being myself, with all the baggage stripped away. It's weird to sit down and remember, "Oh, right, this is what's important to me, and all that social stuff was just a dumb idea I tried for a while." I wish I'd done it sooner, but, I'm human, and I was weak/stupid, at times. When it comes to women, I've been getting diminishing returns for years, now...I should have seen the signs sooner, but I kept rationalizing my involvement with them. "Just keep trying a little longer!"

 

When I was in my twenties, I had some casual flings with women in their thirties...and it was fun, because the fact that they were hooking up with a younger guy obviously indicated a certain mindset. I remember thinking that women in their thirties were awesome! But then I started being "same-aged guy" instead of "younger guy" and got stuck with a different, less-fun crowd of thirtysomething women. I just can't relate to women my age, anymore. OK, I admit, I struggle to relate to anyone, period. But, when I was in my twenties, I had a decent amount in common with similarly-aged women. But now, it's like...ugh. Wow, yes, tell me more about your adventures in raising kids and dealing with your married siblings and getting your car repaired! And the funniest part is that, from what I can tell, most thirtysomething women are actively running away from their twentysomething selves, in the sense that they're out to prove that they "aren't like that anymore". "Look at how mature and sophisticated I am! I've got it all together, now!" I'm sorry, but, I liked you better back then...

 

The positive side-effect? That personality change (and, okay, the physical change, too) makes it easier for me to give all this up.

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Any chance that gay might be an option for you? You obviously don't like women, and maybe you might meet someone you are most compatible with in a same -sex relationship/fling/whatever.

 

 

 

I'm not bi or gay. My extreme physical attraction to women is something of a problem for me, actually.

 

Please don't think that I dislike all women. In addition to wanting women, I also like many of them...but they're usually the type of women that I can't get.

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Any chance that gay might be an option for you? You obviously don't like women, and maybe you might meet someone you are most compatible with in a same -sex relationship/fling/whatever.

 

I mean, this has got to be a tongue-in-cheek suggestion, right?

 

"Going gay" so as not to deal with women while dating is about as silly as the "political lesbian" movement a few decades ago.

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Not to mention most gays (or bi) aren't mysogynist at all. They may not be attracted to women but the few I know have a large number of girls friends.

 

Hey now, I'm more misanthropic than anything. But, obviously, I tend to focus on women: as a heterosexual male, women have been much more relevant to my life than men. I have the luxury of ignoring my own gender. If I woke up tomorrow and discovered that my sex drive was completely gone, I'd never have another negative thing to say about women, because it wouldn't be my problem, anymore. I have nothing to do with men outside of unavoidable situations (work, shopping, whatever), and if my sex drive magically vanished, I think it'd be the same with women.

 

are there women you like in terms of friends? Or women you may admire on an intellectual level (whether it's a boss, a former teacher, or a female CEO)?

 

In regards to your first question: it's hard to say. I've been attracted to all of my female friends, which would seemingly imply that their attractiveness was (at least part of) why I was friends with them in the first place. I've never been friends with a woman that I wasn't attracted to. I have one female friend that I didn't sleep with; I talk to her a few times a year, I guess. I mentioned her a few posts back.

 

In regards to your second question: you know, I don't really "admire" people in general. If someone does something impressive, I'm impressed, regardless of gender--but I don't think about it all that much. I've never been the type to have mentors or idols or anything like that.

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BS, I don't think what you describe - liking women you are physically attracted to is the same as what I generally consider as actually "LIKING" a person for who they are which has to do with a lot more than looks. Even the women you referred to earlier in the thread as ideals, the models, seem to me to present themselves as objects - like Barbie dolls, not real people. Just my opinion.

 

Firiel, I wouldn't get I to that debate with you - it's BS's thread, but would like to point out that there have been many people who gave convincingly argued that heterosexuality as a norm has been socially constructed for political purposes. I myself choose to remain open-minded on such matters.

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BS, I don't think what you describe - liking women you are physically attracted to is the same as what I generally consider as actually "LIKING" a person for who they are which has to do with a lot more than looks. Even the women you referred to earlier in the thread as ideals, the models, seem to me to present themselves as objects - like Barbie dolls, not real people. Just my opinion.

 

You're absolutely right...but I'm not sure how it's relevant to what we're discussing.

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You're absolutely right...but I'm not sure how it's relevant to what we're discussing.

 

I'm trying to see if you can respect women as human beings, not as sex objects. By admiring a woman, I don't mean for her looks, but for her personality or accomplishments, whether that's a woman you know in real life, or a public figure.

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I'm trying to see if you can respect women as human beings, not as sex objects. By admiring a woman, I don't mean for her looks, but for her personality or accomplishments, whether that's a woman you know in real life, or a public figure.

 

I got that, thanks. I just don't think that it's all that relevant to my thread. I'm not here to prove anything or win anyone's approval.

 

This is a phase that women eventually get to, with me--where they try to puzzle out my existence and figure out how I really feel about things. "Wow, people like you really exist! What's your life like? It must be weird..." I stop being a relationship candidate and become a sort of scientific curiosity. I'd say that it's a little awkward or embarrassing--women looking at me like I'm a freakshow--but, you know, I'm just happy that someone is paying attention to me, period. It isn't something I usually want or need, but it's nice every once in a while. Women on ENA always claim that men would hate it if we were swamped with similar attention, because we wouldn't like all of the women that were hitting on us...and yet, I'm happy to talk to all the women that hit on me online! Even the Russian mail-order brides and the probably-automated "women" that are trying to get me to click on a porn link. Effort is effort, and I appreciate someone making the effort to talk to me.

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Those Russian brides/porn women aren't making an effort to talk to you because it's you but because you're a business prospect. Big difference. (and I don't mean that to offend you -that is how they would approach any person).

 

I agree with Annie -it's important to figure out whether you like women as people.

 

As far as the women who puzzle over their interactions with you -sure, if both of you enjoy that type of interaction to some extent there's nothing wrong with it.

 

I don't know of any women who would like attention from strangers on line that was focused on sex (or from men in general). I'm sure some do as some women also enjoy analyzing you and you enjoy it sometimes - but in general, nope.

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