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Caught my husband with Crystal Meth.


DarkShadowGirl
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So I got quite a shock this morning. My Husband, who we've been living together for 10 years and married a year ago, and I was cuddling an playing on the bed. He had his jeans on and as we were goofing around I noticed something sticking out of his pocket. I pulled it and and found a used meth pipe. My jaw dropped to the ground.

 

For background, we don't have a major history of drug use in our relationship. Maybe some pot here and there, and I know he's done coke a long time ago when he was hanging out with some bad friends, which he no longer sees. We don't have drug using friends, we don't hang out in any drug scenes.

 

The funny thing us Meth has ALWAYs been the disgusting drug. We've had full on conversation talking about meth, and how disgusting it is, and how people are who use meth are foul, and he had never done meth in his life.

 

But he works in a warehouse with truckers that come by everyday to drop off cargo, and the usual warehouse employees, and there are people who use meth at his work.

 

He said he's 'only' been doing it for 2.5 weeks because work was getting so hard and busy he couldn't keep up so he asked one of his co-workers for it. He said he's been doing everyday since.

 

And I KNEW something was wrong!!! He's been acting weird and doing strange and erratic things and I kept asking him 'are you high?' and he's been acting like a tweeker!

 

Like last Sunday, on his day off, he got up at the break of dawn, took my car, and LOADED it with 2 tons of trash bricks covered in mortar he found on craigslist and started dumping it in our yard. I freaked out and was like ' are you doing!!???' and we had a HUGE fight.

 

Well find out today, that yes, he was high on meth when he did that. So he excuse of using it because of work falls through right there.

 

He has a very very addictive personality. He was a heavy drinker basically the whole time I've known him and only recently has he stopped. His dad passed away last March and every since then he's been struggling and going down hill.

 

I never expected him to do meth, and when I married him, I didn't sign up to be married to a meth head. I don't know what to do. He said he would stop, but how do I trust him? He's been hiding it from me for 2 weeks. And even the 2 weeks thing I don't know if I believe him on that.

 

He's been acting funny ever since his dad died. And I even found a broken pipe in his coat pocket months ago, on a trip we had, and he said he found it on the ground and was going to show me but forgot. Like what!!?? I told him you might as well tell the whole truth and admit to how long it's been going on, but he will NOT admit to doing it longer then 2 weeks.

 

I don't know what to do. I am completely floored and pissed. This is not the life I want to lead. I don't want to be married to a meth head. He can't seem to get a grip on himself and deal with his grief. I don't know how I am going to trust him.

 

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tl;dr: Found a meth pipe in husbands pocket, have no major drug history, but husband has a very addictive personality and was hiding this from me. Don't know what to do.

 

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Just search what meth can do to a person within a year..it will destroy you quickly and is awful...i dont think someone could stop without some kind of outside help and support...its bad...if its true and he hasnt been on it more than 2 weeks..he needs help asap..he needs help regardless but the longer he is hooked the harder things will get

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Give him an ultimatum: either he goes out on medical leave to detox (ideally, inpatient treatment followed by out patient, and many insurance can cover this) or he's out of the house. If he contests that he doesn't need it, tell him no, he needs to make a choice. "quitting on his own" is not an option. It's not a freaking cigarette!

 

I'm so sorry you're going through this. No way I'd tolerate this nonsense either.

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I am so sorry that you got dragged into this mess. I have to say that you sound like you are making exuses for him. He has been using meth for more than 2 weeks. You know this and I know this. Of all drugs for him to get involved with, he managed to get tied up with one that has a very, very low sucess rate for recovery. Meth is just so addictive. Most people who try it once are hooked instantly. I think the best course of action for you to take is to separate from him immediately. He needs to feel the impact of what he has done. I would insist that he get himself into a treatment center immediately. However, be aware that relaspse is to be expected. It may take several relaspses before he stops using meth. Sadly, it is more likely that he will not cease....ever. You are in for a long a bumpy ride if you hang around long enough to see the outcome of this. Knowing what I know, and I am certified in substance abuse, I would not anticipate a happy ourcome. You will need a support group to help you deal with all this, so please join an Alanon group. It will help you tremendously. Very, very sad..... chi

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>>This is not the life I want to lead.

 

That is your bottom line and don't stray from that. Whether he makes the choice to clean up or not, you KNOW you don't want to live with a meth head, so if he is going to use, then he cannot live with you.

 

Meth really destroys lives, and very quickly. And it does permanent physical damage and brain damage when used over time. The first thing i suggest you do is do some googling, including 'effects of meth' and 'meth mouth' and print out a bunch of information on how it destroys people's body's and lives. And sit him down and confront him and how him the info and pictures.

 

Then you tell him your bottom line. That you do not intend to be married to someone who uses meth or live with them while they do. And that he has two choices, stopping immediately and preferably going into at least a month of rehab, and if you can't afford that or don't have insurance, then he needs to immediately start attending Narc-Anon and instantly give up the drug.

 

You also may need to have him get another job to get away from his dealers and people who do the drug. The way you have to look at things, you are trying to save his life here, and it is that serious whether he knows it or not, so extreme measures are required when you learn someone is on meth.

 

and i understand you have sympathy for his loss with his father dying. But that and meth use are two different things, and you need NO sympathy for the meth use. There is no excuse good enough for using meth.

 

So you need to immediately get him into some kind of a program to kick the habit. And you need to have a ZERO TOLERANCE policy and let him know it. As in, if he uses it again, he is out and you are proceeding with divorce. And you need to follow thru. If he refuses to save himself, then you need to make sure he doesn't take you down the drain with him. Meth is a horrible horrible drug, and he needs to detox and get clean, or you need to get divorced rather than watch that downward spiral and have him impact and ruin your lie from it.

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btw, you need to confront him with his very addictive personality. As in, he needs to acknowledge that he cannot drink at all or use any kind of recreational drug and must stay totally clean of all substances if he wants to stay married to you. Lay it all out, that it is now or never for him to get his act together.

 

And if he can't, then it is time to move on. Please don't bring any children into this if you can help it because you don't want them to have an addict for a father and all the disappointment and trouble that brings. He would need to show he has been clean for many years before you consider that. What if you'd had a child who discovered his meth stash rather than you, and OD'ed on it? this addiction is extremely serious, and you need to help him understand what danger he is putting himself in, and understand very clearly that you will leave if he doesn't knock it off.

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I'd just like to weigh in and say that in my opinion, leaving him right off the bat might push him farther into the meth addiction rather than being a wake up call or something like that. He might think "Oh, well she just abandoned me, so what the hell, might as well just do more meth." Meth is a sneaky mistress who will use any number of rationalizations to call a person back to her. I am so sorry this is happening to you. I think the suggestions about going on leave and seeking treatment NOW are good ones. Also, he needs to find a different job, because going right back to a place where meth use is the norm among coworkers will negate any impact that treatment might have. I wish you both the best and I really hope this works out.

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I'm so sorry you are going through this, all I can offer are my condolences. As my partner suffers from depression, it's a great fear of mine that he'll turn to harder drugs as a form of escape like yours seems to have done. I've noticed that when he (and others) are hiding something from me, the thing they hide comes up in conversation a lot. How they're so against it, how it's disgusting, how they 'know someone' that's tried it and they have a low opinion of 'that person' now.

 

I agree with SpottiOtti here that leaving him or forcing an ultimatum might push him in the opposite direction. He needs to accept that he has a problem, whether new or old. His erratic behaviour may put you in danger one of these days and he needs to know that it's not just himself he is dragging down in the process.

 

If he tells you he wants to change, he needs to prove it, too. And that includes getting a new job. Absolutely under no circumstances should someone with such an addictive personality be around people that use drugs.

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Sounds like drugs have always been how he copes with stress, but ofcourse some drugs are worse than others. Sounds like very much this is the guy you signed up for so I wouldn't turn this into a trust issue. Ultimatums are pretty useless not very effective, if you want to leave him, then leave him without going through all that drama. You didn't mention anything about kids if that is the case that is great news. Sorry to hear you are going through this, but it doesn't sound like you are going through anything really that new.

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  • 3 years later...

He has a choice - go into treatment or you call the police and report him. Or say nothing and make sure you see that its in his car, and go to the authorities. They will arrest him and he may finally get help. If he is using and not dealing, its possible that he could be sent to rehab. It has to be on some sort of report that you have opposed it so that if he is caught on his own, it doesn't come back on you being complicit to it, and he can't accuse you of helping him get it.

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