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This is pretty mean, isn't it?


bfg9000

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what are some examples? Does he mean that you're not available to go out whenever he wants (because you might have to go to work)? But like LD points out, that would be the case too, even if you were a secretary or a dental hygienist.

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Both physical and emotional availability. He calls himself "emotionally needy." If he has a bad day, he really needs to be able to talk about it that night. Several times I've gotten off work and immediately fallen asleep, apologizing later and saying we'll talk the next day. This is hurtful to him.

 

He has a lot of "bad days," which is probably the problem. He is not happy with himself or his job. I find it draining to need to be a constant source of emotional support. Maybe someone else could be, but after 1.5 years, I'm realizing that what I would brush off as part of my day constitutes a "bad day" for him. I find it draining to be constantly sympathetic, especially when I don't feel like some of the things are really all that bad.

 

Not to say it makes him a bad person, but rather we are a bad match.

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Basically.

We just broke up a few minutes ago. He said I wasn't meeting his emotional needs. I agreed.

As my friend says, it's FTB (for the best).

I'm going to delete what I wrote in this thread soon, because it's too personal. Thank you to everyone for the advice.

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Is there a possibility that he said it in jest? He might not have been serious when he said it, and so he didn't expect you to take it that way.

 

I know I've jokingly said things to friends that could be taken as being nasty, but are just meant in harmless fun, and the other way around.

 

His comment hurt because it was too close to the truth. Which truth(s)? That he views career and parenting as mutually opposed choices; that he separates them from one another: not This will be US but This will be YO....

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I completely understand how you feel, my ex was the same, he doesn't handle stress well and his job is stressful, he didn't always want to talk about it like your bf (or ex-bf.. Just read your update, hugs!) but he was constantly in a foul mood and I tried to be understanding and sympathetic, but it just got old and as you say, draining, after a while, especially when I myself wouldn't have found some of the same stuff stressful.

 

Btw I don't know if you can delete a thread because you don't want people to see it?

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Yup, can't delete but that's ok. Thanks, everyone. There's actually a sense of a burden being lifted. I'm also somewhat angry over the fights we've had (now that I let myself feel anger), but hopefully that'll go away soon.

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This weekend was rough. Regardless of the obvious incompatibilities, I'm mourning for a lost future and feeling lonely. My friends and family have been great. Does anyone have any comforting words or advice? Just trying to figure out how to heal.

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