Everything I want is on the other side of fear.

[hodgeheg]

I am a worrier. And an over thinker. This feels like a confessional, or AA.

 

Hi, my name is Hodge and I have been a worrier for as long as I can remember!

 

I've recently started a relationship with, in all honesty, one of the best men I have ever met. I have also fairly recently graduated and spent my first year as a proper grown up. Being a grown up has brought its own worries, job stresses and a major reduction in social life. The new relationship has brought a whole host of feelings and worries to the surface that I didn't know I had.

 

I want to get these worries out but I don't necessarily want to share all of them with either my partner, my family or my friends. Cos to be perfectly honest, half of the things I worry about are pretty darn stupid. I also don't want to post a thread here for every worry I have, I'd spend a lot of time inside if that were the case!

 

So here's a journal for my worries. I've posted it openly, in case anyone would like to comment and I'm open to suggestions on how to quell my worries. But really, a lot of them will probably be pretty small things that only I can solve in my own head.

 

Don't worry about a thing. Cos every little thing, is gonna be alright.

[hodgeheg]

Okay, so after all that, I do think this is a biggy. And it is a worry I've voiced to a friend. It felt good to get it out and was really the "inspiration" (for lack of a better word) for this journal.

 

My boyfriend and I are becoming a proper couple. Our lives are beginning to mesh together and there is now an existence of an "us" and a "we". This scares me because I've been in a relationship before, he cheated, we broke up (some months afterwards) and I hurt one heck of a lot for at least a year afterwards.

 

I've spent nearly 3 years single and become very good at being the strong, independent woman who doesn't need a man to complete her. I'm struggling to fit that identity with a woman who does have a man, and who wants him, but doesn't necessarily need him. (I think needing someone is unhealthy).

 

I worry how my life will return to normal without him (if he or I decide to end the relationship) and how I will cope with that pain again.

 

I think I'm falling in love again. That frightens me.

 

The key is this: Meet today's problems with today's strength. Don't start tackling tomorrow's problems until tomorrow. You do not have tomorrow's strength yet You just have enough for today.

[panther]

I don't think this is a biggy either.

 

You are a strong woman as you said. If you don't care about someone, they pretty much can't do or say anything to hurt you emotionally. But when you love someone you naturally become vulnerable to being hurt. They have the power to hurt you by not loving you (enough). Once you start caring about someone you are always taking that risk, and you won't stay alone forever just because of that fear.

Just as your boyfriend could have the power to hurt you now, you also have that power towards him because he cares about you.

I guess it is an universal fear for anyone who cares about anyone. It is good as long as it doesn't become exaggerated or it doesn't take control of your life.

[hodgeheg]

I guess it is an universal fear for anyone who cares about anyone. It is good as long as it doesn't become exaggerated or it doesn't take control of your life.

 

Thank you, I was leaning towards this being quite a common worry (after some googling anyway!)

[hodgeheg]

I have a lump on the side of my boob. Had it for a month or so but I'm kind of flippant about it given my age (early twenties). I also worry about having to go for tests and things on my own so I'm kind of put off solving this worry because of that!

 

This is probably a worry to do something about so I'll call the docs tomorrow.

 

Worrying is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but gets you nowhere.