BigKK and his overthinking, here we go...

[BigKK]

So I don't want to be starting threads but the last two weeks I have been having strange up and down anxiety, I think I know the root of the cause, but figured I'd just write my ramblings here. Hopefully someone will chime in.

 

Quick background about me, broke up over a year ago from a 3 year+ relationship. I was a little bit blinded sided even though far from the perfect boyfriend. She monkey branched to a close mutual friend and that was that.

 

About 4 months ago I took a girl out on a date from tinder, it was literally my last attempt at dating and I was going to take a break. Dates went surprisingly well, and our courting and romance process was awesome. Date 2 , salsa dancing. Date 3, dinner and arcades, and I got a kiss and steamy car makeout. Date 4, fire on the beach and picnic, actually had sex for the first time...etc so on and so far, it was awesome.

 

About a month in, she invited me to a party, but her best friend we'll call "Z" is in an LDR. After the whole day of talking about how great it'll be for me to join her, I finally ask for the address to be uninvited since more of her female friend's boyfriends showed up and she doesn't want to make Z a 7th wheel. I was upset since she didn't even ask her, but just made the judgement call. She then apologized, said Z is fine with me there, and begged me to come... I swallowed my pride and did.

 

After that things have been great. I think on paper I am a very good boyfriend...I spent the night and she was sleeping in, so I took her car in the morning, got it washed, did groceries, and then made crepes for breakfast. Later she noticed the car and was just stunned. Let's just say I am always thinking of little things to do for her and I just do them...I love to see her smile.

 

She is not a morning person, but will set a "cuddle alarm" so she can wake up and "climb into my arm nook" I find it absolutely adorable. She cooks for me when I have exams so I can just focus on studying.

 

I feel like I can ramble about the last 4 months but I will just jump into what's bothering me. I don't know if I am oversensitive, but it seems as though she's taking the baton of initiating sex. The last 3 weeks most of my attempts were declined with one excuse or another. She's hungry, tired, back hurts, the newest one was "actually your walls are thin" The last one was going to be the last straw, since the last time she was at my place, she was almost screaming during her orgasm. I was upset but didn't show it...later that night she told me about her grandparents (who helped raised her) and how they are going to be separated and put into separate homes (grandma has alzheimers) I felt terrible since I have a really close connection to my grandparents as well, she began crying and I just held her in my arms and let her weep. I wanted to talk about this initiating sex thing but OBVIOUSLY can't bring it up after that, there is no way I could. So in the morning, I initiate sex, and we have sex...it felt a little bit like she was doing it for my benefit. I was going to make her orgasm and she says "I can't orgasm this morning" which granted sometimes she's "in her head" and says that, but also she's said things like "I can never orgasm twice" and I'm the first person she's ever orgasmed multiple times with. BUT this was at like 6:50am, and we literally had to be out of bed by 7:05, so a quicky. I think it was kind of forced.

 

I can't completely complain because we're still having sex! She will say "not right now I'm too hungry" we'll go eat, do other stuff, and then she'll initiate sex.

 

 

I also once was a little rough with her, tweaked her back, but we still finished. It happened to be that the next day I had her in my arms and told her I love her, we kissed, but her back was hurt. She said let's try tomorrow my back should be better. I come over the next day, initiate again, and I'm repeatedly declined subtly. Then I make the mistake that I am not happy about. I Got upset! She asked me what's wrong, and I told her the way she is declining sex just upset me and I'm sorry. We talked about it, and she said her back still hurts. So she says well I'll see you in 2 days, and that should be enough for my back, and I correct her "3 days" and she gets upset that I am counting days.

 

As I am writing this out, hell maybe I'm a jerk, but I still need to hear it!

 

 

 

 

Last thing, the last time she came over. I invited her to cook. The plan was to bulk cook our meals for the week. I went and did all the shopping, and while shopping she chimed in with a few extra things she wanted, I bought them. She has been having stressful days at work again, just getting hammered. Well she came over, and we were being silly...but it was the first time I've seen her just get "y" with me. I bought heavy cream instead of half and half, and she got very upset that it will ruin the frittatas we were going to make. I said I'll drive 4 blocks and get the half and half, and she goes Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh its fine. All kinds of other events... like I made meatballs, but the balls were "too big" she came an hour and a half after I started so I made them myself. I was getting kind of hurt since I am making this effort and getting crap for such petty things. NORMALLY I'd check her, I'd check anyone, and say HEY It's not a big deal, relax, but nope, I kept my mouth shut. And just made everything.

 

Later that night, she was in my arms in bed, and apologized she was so cranky and y, and while I'm so amazing to go buy all this and do this for us she was acting like that. I was going to tell her it upset me but since she basically said it I just play it off like no big deal! UGHHHH!!! I said, No it's no big deal, don't worry about it. And she kept saying sorry, and I said "well I guess if you want to make it better, you can give me kisses" And she responds with "so you are agreeing that my behavior wasn't stellar" and I shrug. This is the same evening the I Just previously described with the sex initiation and the morning sex.

 

 

I don't know if I am nit picking, I don't know if I retroactively bring any of this up. My last issue is that I really have fallen for her but I think we spend too much time together. We are going to Vegas on Saturday, Parted ways Wednesday morning, and its Thursday morning and I already want to plan stuff with her for Friday but I'm trying to stop myself! I'm like out of control, I should probably study for my differential equations exam tonight and possibly Friday night.

 

We discussed trying to find balance, her roommate/best friend gets upset that we hang out so much. I don't like t hat when I ask her about Friday plans she says she doesn't know yet since her friends didn't committ to anything. So then I told her I feel like an option since she needs to wait for approval from friends, and her response is we hang out a lot, and I always ask first so if she will always say yes she'll never see her friends. She has a point, but blah, I'm a mess right now. I can't pass up friend meetings for her, but I have honestly done that and I think that is part of my demise...it's not good and I know it.

 

 

Can someone fix me and set me straight? I really do love this girl, but I think my emotions are getting the best of me and I'm not like this BigKK

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In other news, I have decided to pursue my second bachelors degree in engineering, so that will take up a lot of my time. It's an online degree, and it'll take me 2 years to complete, I will be working full time at the same time. I started an engineering degree in college, and got half way, then finished with Exercise Science instead. I have been flip flopping what I want to do with my life. It's nice carving out a path and knowing that I can finish it. I will write about this more later.

 

In my opening post it seems like I'm slamming my girlfriend. A lot of it is raw thoughts and emotions. I LOVE Miss K, I really do, I want it to work, and I almost don't want to bring this all up because I don't want to burden her or dump it all on her if I am just being a wack job. She is incredibly supportive of me doing this (a second degree) even though a lot of people have told me I'm crazy to attempt it at age 29. I have never been with someone so physically affectionate, she says she's never been this way and I bring it out of her. She is really intelligent and our conversations are awesome from the most serious topics to the goofiest, the banter and structure of inside jokes is amazing. I absolutely LOVE spending time with this girl which is way I am struggling with moderation.

 

 

To conclude this, as I am writing this, she texts me "Date night Friday Night?" My plan was to "be busy," but we haven't had a proper date in awhile and it'd be great before a big group party weekend.

 

Apologies for anyone who actually just read all of that, you may deserve some kind of award

[Realitynut]

Hey! I love getting rewards....what is it?? $$$???

 

Oh...well...about your post. Don't know what to tell ya, do i still get my reward?

 

I know a man is always ready for sex...and a woman...usually it has to be ready in her head. So if her 'head' isn't into it....her body isn't either. Sometimes i just went along with it...and pretty soon my head caught up! lol

 

But this NORMALLY I'd check her, I'd check anyone, and say HEY It's not a big deal, relax, but nope, I kept my mouth shut. And just made everything.

[/b] I think you should have spoken up. It is making you seem like a doormat, and if she gets away with it once...she'll get away with it twice....and pretty soon she is treating you disrespectfully more often than not.

 

I remember when my sis first met her husband. (granted they were 48 and 54!) and they were at her house and she was making cookies. He watched and said, "aren't you making them too big"? (he had told her he had a problem with control) She said, "NOPE, I've been making cookies since i was 12"

 

If she does something that is negative with you...call her on it.

 

On the sex thing...lay off a bit. Let her come to you. Let her miss you. Let it be MORE SPECIAL...when it's not almost daily or everytime you see each other! I know it's hard when you want to jump her bones every time...but hey....make her beg! lol

 

Now where's that reward....

[BigKK]

Thanks realitynut, I will just speak up next time! And I will lay off and relax about the sex. That was my plan, to kind of back off, and let her come back. She will I know, but yes it is hard...I'm a hornball

 

I don't know if this is enough, but I always liked stars, 1 star for realitynut?

 

5 bronze stars = a silver, and 5 silvers = a gold? It always made me want more in 1st grade!

 

image removed

 

 

If that's not enough....

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[DancingFool]

The sex thing....it would seem that she, just like a lot of people, loses her drive when stressed out. Also, the back thing is actually pretty insensitive of you. I mean you hurt her pretty bad and reading your post, it's like you don't really get it and don't care much, you just want what you want. Makes you seem pretty selfish.

 

As for the rest, you like her so much you are acting like a total doormat and she will lose respect for you if you continue. As already pointed out, if you would normally check a person for that kind of behavior, then do her and yourself a favor and check her too. You don't want to be in a relationship where she has a bad day and comes home and kicks you so to speak just because you let that happen. Your happy relationship will quickly become pretty miserable. In short, don't lose your spine.

 

As for the friends thing, she is absolutely correct and I'd pay attention to that. You are spending a lot of time together and you both have to, absolutely have to maintain friendships and a social life outside each other or else your relationship will become stale and suffocating. This is not about her putting you second, this is about her being sensible and drawing some healthy boundaries within your relationship. Necessary boundaries I might add.

 

Basically it's great that you like her so much that you want to give her the world and be with her all the time, but in the long run, some self restrain will serve you better than acting out on all the impulses you are feeling.

 

 

....oh and I want a cookie....a big one

[missmarple]

I think you're overthinking things and I agree that you should lay off a bit on the sex thing. Don't be the one always initiating. All the rest seems like typical couple stuff to me

[mhowe]

Agree with others....stop pushing sex agenda, at least on daily basis.

Call her on her crap...if she is the one then she needs to come off the pedestal.

 

Stop doing so many things....once in a while is a treat. Constant is a doormat.

 

And the cream vs half and half? Let her run the 4 blocks...not only for the item but for an attitude adjustment break...and tell her so.

 

Time with friends is important. So compromise and let every third Fri or Sat be NOT a couple night. Spend a bit less time together...it does heighten attraction!

 

So...there. Congrats on pushing for 2nd degree.

 

I want my car washed and cleaned too.

[BigKK]

Thank you everyone for the responses. I am going to get a backbone and speak up, I think I am fairly passive usually since childhood and sometimes forget to stand up for myself.

 

We are both working to balance more, and I will not make sure to firm up plans with friends and not let her take over them.

 

I will ease up with the sex as well, and just calm the eff down.

 

 

 

I not only took her car once, I took it twice mhowe, the last time she got it back with an oil change, full tank of gas, and complete detail inside and out, with 3 stage paint correction. I run an auto shop so that's one way I can take care of her. She later teared up at night and said no one has ever been so thoughtful and sweet to her.

 

I'll stop doing so many things as to not be taken for granted

 

 

Sounds like I owe money, cookies, and a car wash!

[mhowe]

A sweet gesture now and then is more appreciated than 20 a month. I posted in another thread...if you have 10,of something,..you will place less value on it because you know there is more where that came from. Also....if she isn't reciprocal in the sweet gestures or little surprises...then it becomes very unbalanced.

 

I was like you at the beginning of my relationship... And it took a while for me to realize that at some point...the gestures became expected. So I tapered off and in so doing my bf stepped up.

We now surprise each other all the time...little things and big things alike and it feels more balanced.

[Realitynut]

hehehe....I'll take any of those things....!

 

I don't know...my ex fiance changed my oil for me all the time...and i appreciated it.

 

Except for the time he was changing my oil, I was cooking him hamburgers, and he was talking to his 'new' gf..affair...or whatever the H*LL she was...on the phone at the same time!!!

 

AND I KNEW IT! *shakes head*

 

 

eh...i think i need a piece of chocolate fudge...

[BigKK]

A sweet gesture now and then is more appreciated than 20 a month. I posted in another thread...if you have 10,of something,..you will place less value on it because you know there is more where that came from. Also....if she isn't reciprocal in the sweet gestures or little surprises...then it becomes very unbalanced.

 

I was like you at the beginning of my relationship... And it took a while for me to realize that at some point...the gestures became expected. So I tapered off and in so doing my bf stepped up.

We now surprise each other all the time...little things and big things alike and it feels more balanced.

 

It's definitely way unbalanced and leaning in my favor, you're totally right...whether is 18-10-or 2 the effect is diminished. But I also just enjoy doing those things since I like to see her smile. I will back off and let her come up with something, she said I definitely set the bar and she's never had that before so she was caught off guard.

 

I feel like a pilot trying to bring the plane to cruising altitude and settle in, and it's that time to verbalize a few things, and back off on a few others.

 

I appreciate everyone's responses, I feel a lot more sane.

[mhowe]

You were never insane!

 

Always best to verbalize --- and to "check" your SO when warranted.

[BigKK]

Not insane I suppose. I am actually reading a few articles about relationships and balancing space. We had a talk about a week ago about how we are both so drawn to each other but don't want to lose each other in each other, and put all of our friends to the side. (Both admitted we have done this) so I am just trying to remind myself. As I am studying *cough* and taking a short ENA break, she is out with her friends to a play. I am also trying to back off on the texting...but I like having things to talk about , rather than giving her "my update" in a few short lines.

 

Lastly, like I mentioned before I realize this is an incredibly touchy subject. I know how to deal with it, as a trainer, but not 100% as a boyfriend. About 2 weeks after we went out, had junk food, a few sweet cocktails, she told me she wasn't happy about herself. She injured her back about 7 months ago, laid in bed for 2 months, and her only solace was food. She looks great, and I love her body and I often tell her that. But I told her I can be supportive since I understand in our own mind we have what is "baseline" and it often shifts the better or worse shape we get in. So rather than just letting her get moppy about it, I suggest an easy eating style that has worked for me, and told her I'd do it with her since I was slacking too. She has been following it, not exercising enough yet. I was asking her what her goal was, and she said getting back to where she was, well I saw her photo from 8 months ago, and wow. It was a big difference, and it made me "get it." I feel as though I give her advice here and there, but she obviously knows what she's doing...so I completely back off and not remind her at all? I honestly just want her to feel good about herself, I could careless if it's Pre-dating Miss K or Post, bodies are bodies, but I have been there, and I think it's a fine balancing act of...being motivational/inspirational vs. being a nag. I suppose my only recourse is just suggesting fun active dates and continuing doing so.

 

What would you want your boyfriend to do? I went with her to the gym, and gave her a routine to follow, but I feel like she's still settling in with her work schedule, new diet, and ME. I am actually realizing I'm an obstacle, there is often talks of morning workouts at night time. Very soft discussion like "I think I am going to workout tomorrow morning" and when 5:30 alarm hits, she snoozes, rolls over, and big spoons me. At that point I'm defenseless and selfish, it's just so lovely its hard for me to say "hey babe, didn't you say, you wanted to work" she's asked me a few times to "Kick her out" and I did. Maybe I have to just talk to her, like hey, I know you said you wanted to do morning workouts but when we spend the night with each other, it's hard to get up since it's borderline perfection lying in each other arms, but if you'd like I can make an effort to be "kicking you out" again. OR I had this idea of starting morning workouts on the beach (we live 4 blocks away from the beach) (I Live 8 blocks north of her, haha...exactly 8 blocks north of her...)

 

I had this idea of training again, but not in a 1on1 setting, just some subtle morning beach bootcamps, so perhaps I will use her as my "guinea pig" and then just start inviting more people, and let people know, hey this is free now, but it'll cost money more.

 

 

Anyway...thoughts? I am back to studying...differential equations, me and a water jug. The perfect Thursday night!

[mhowe]

Diffy Q's.....my college roommate was a Math major...ugh.

 

Yes. As torturous as it would be....get up and go to the beach and do the workout. Just image how much fun post workout showering will be.

 

My bf loves food --- and yet I force myself to eat 1/2 of what he fixes me, and train with trainer 2x week ---- and leave the comfort of Sun lounging around

to do a weight training session.....and lost 1/2% of body fat last month.

 

She will thank you....by about the 5th session.

[IAmFCA]

Morning small group sessions have been EXACTLY the right solution for me to both get me out of my head and into a workout. 1x1 is less effective at getting me out of my head; I think your idea is a good one.

 

Cheering you on with the language of math- I have friends who use their diffy q school knowledge in their work lives. I draft off their smarts when necessary. I placed out of math in college based on my high school work and test scores, and never took it again. Never have gone back to fill the gaps.

 

If I had a lifetime to study, I would not ever run out of subjects!

[sophie274]

Well, no, I wouldn't mention it at all again. If her alarm rings, don't be the one to prevent her from getting out of bed, but don't kick her out either, IMO. She's an adult, she can make her own decisions. I think she will start to resent you if you push her to workout or remind her to stick to her diet.

[mhowe]

OP is a trainer. I think he can make getting up fun!

[sophie274]

OP is a trainer. I think he can make getting up fun!

 

I'm sure he can, but he's not HER trainer, he's her boyfriend. And I personally don't want my boyfriend telling me to workout more and eat less. It's great to be supportive, to choose healthy foods and restaurants if she wants to eat healthy, to give her time during the day for her workout (not tell her to skip it to spend time with him) but I don't think it's his place to be her taskmaster, and I think most people do not enjoy that from their romantic partner. It's not fun and it's very easy to start to feel constantly criticized.

[Liraele]

Yep, relax. Agree with everyone on that.

 

Also, and I'm fairly certain we've had this conversation before, don't set a bar that you can't maintain. It's great that you're doing things for her, and working on being a good partner. Treats should be just that, though... a treat. If you do them constantly they become expected... and when you can't maintain that, you start to have issues because it will seem like you've changed. Just be you. If she's the right girl for you, you'll find your groove and go forward.

[DancingFool]

I'm sure he can, but he's not HER trainer, he's her boyfriend. And I personally don't want my boyfriend telling me to workout more and eat less. It's great to be supportive, to choose healthy foods and restaurants if she wants to eat healthy, to give her time during the day for her workout (not tell her to skip it to spend time with him) but I don't think it's his place to be her taskmaster, and I think most people do not enjoy that from their romantic partner. It's not fun and it's very easy to start to feel constantly criticized.

 

Kind of have to agree with that one. OP, I think that you are being a typical guy in that she complains and you want to jump up and fix it. The thing to understand is that she really doesn't need to be fixed. She is just talking. If she really wants to exercise or eat differently or whatever, she really will go and do it all on her own. If she is settling, as you put it, it's because she is not that motivated and that's not about you. That's her choice. Be supportive in the sense that don't actively get in her way for doing what she needs to do. Meaning that if she set the alarm to go work out, don't try and hold her back once the alarm goes off. However, don't become that guy who sets the alarm for her and counts every mouthful she eats.... That can be really destructive.

[BigKK]

Yeah, I know I've been a little bit over the top with the treats...I got excited. I am going to stop doing them so frequently.

 

As for the diet and exercise, I will defend myself. We started talking about it, and she really wanted to make a change with her eating habits but expressed difficulty with adherence with her last diet, even though it went well, I simply suggested something that works for me and we both started doing it. 2 days later, she told me she really liked that I listened to her concerns, and actually presented a viable solution for her. She'll come over, we'll bulk cook, and she'll take her portions home. The portions are set, I don't care if she follows it or not, nor do I check up on her.

 

I guess with the exercise, I'll just suggest active dates...although she is usually the one suggesting active dates...so I'll be supportive by obviously continuing doing those. I'll reconsider whether getting into more structured exercise with her...we used to go rock climbing and then lift weights together afterwards, and it was actually a lot of fun. But yes, I am trying to separate boyfriend from trainer in this case.

 

I know that guys want to "fix" things. I also know when complaints are just complaints...but it was a pretty deep heart to heart talk about hurting herself, gaining weight, and her self-esteem taking a hit. I'm gonna work on not "trainer"ing her, that'll get annoying I bet. I realize that if people really want something they'll do it, I just want to be supportive but perhaps TOO supportive!

 

 

Anyways, tonight is date night. I hammered away at Math for about 8 hours last night. I haven't taken a math class in 8 years, and it's amazing watching the process of the brain cells firing up again. At first I completely struggled, couldn't remember simple calculus, precalculus, hell I was getting lost in my algebra. Now I am keeping up with the class, 2 more exams, and I'm done August 2nd. On Monday, as the professor said, we're learning "3 weeks of material in a day."

 

We wake up Saturday morning and drive to Vegas for her friend's birthday... Pool party, and then going out clubbing. I am a little bit excited, I haven't had a drink in about a month or really partied, and I feel like I need it. This may be a foolish idea, but since she won't get to see me in a suit. (I just got a really nice fitted suit) I am going to wear what I was going to wear, minus the jacket, and just a vest. I sweat a lot, so I might have to change, but I want to look sharp at least for an hour or so before I decide to dance

 

Lastly, I am excited to see her tonight, it's been only 3 days and I can't wait. It's going to be a quiet evening of going to a painting place (paint pottery, cups, etc), and then star gaze on the beach afterwards. I know it may not sound like much for some, but the "space" is working haha...even though it's 3 days, I will be happy to see her. I probably won't see her at all next week.

[BigKK]

3 things.

 

1. The weekend was great...really fun, I can write a few more details later

2. I backed off the initiating sex, and she completely seduced me while I was half-asleep on Friday night...it was a big surprise and really nice.

3. Last thing, I am still working on this balancing thing. Driving back from Vegas she invites me to study at her place and would make me dinner and we'd have a quiet evening. I think to myself, probably not 100% best place to study, BUT better than my place (I don't have a desk yet and can only study in the common areas, and my roommates love to chat me up the whole time) So I agree... after I drove 9 hours, I get to her place, completely exhausted. She is showing her new hedgehog to her roommates and talking, and essentially makes plans with her roommate to hang out. She says awesome I don't have anything to do. When we go to bed, I tell her okay I'll just find somewhere else to study. She says no why, I said well you just made a date night with her roommate. I tell her I will just not come over. AT this time I am fine with it....we go to bed, I wake up, and this just eats away at me. Mind you she said sorry so many times, I am trying this balance thing. She says let's hang out TUesday night, since I probably won't see her till Monday, although she wants me to join her and her friend on Saturday to go snorkeling.

 

Part of me wants to just be unavailable, I was hurt and took this more symbolically rather than just what happened. She so quickly dumped our plans and "accidentally forgot" them. I can't "make a stand" since that's just dramatic. I almost just want to be unavailable the rest of the week, and I am confused on what to do. I know I want to hang out tomorrow, it's going to be exam day, and a long work day and hanging out 1on1 would be nice. But part of me wants to make other plans, say sorry can't make it, and just not see her the whole week and struggle working out this "balance" Space intimacy stuff.

 

Do I let this go? I Feel like a jerk wanting to "talk" about this even though I avoided it. I am starting to think was this an isolated event or am I dating someone who will be putting me in second place?

 

Lastly, to not make this BASH my girlfriend thread. I haven't drank in a month, and the alcohol hit me really fast. I bought her a drink and she handed it off to me (big mistake) it put me over the edge... I got a little out of control in the sense of just stumbling, at the club. We left the club early (1am) and the group of friends stayed till 4:30am, I drunkly tried to slide down a rail, flipped over...almost hit a girl, and severely banged up my knee. I am not sure if I actually tore my ACL, it hurts a lot but I'm going to play it by ear for a day or two. I am definitely limping. She was really angry at the time, since she said I was too big to control and didn't listen. I was in an excruciating amount of pain (even though I was very drunk) and I felt bad that I was basically an idiot. I told her sorry a number of times in the morning, and she said its okay, she was upset I was out of control but said there was no point of fighting since I was basically not myself. She jokingly said thanks for doing that, since I was getting tired of the club, and I don't like vegas that much anyway. She was so sweet to me, kissing my forehead in the morning, and making sure my knee is okay. I feel that for my drunken stupid antics I could of easily gotten the cold shoulder and anger all day. I thanked her for letting it go, and she said of course ,I told you I was upset and worried but I let it go right away.

 

12 hours later, I am home and just getting eaten away like the plague by this "change of plans" when in reality it's probably better. JUst putting this down on "paper" makes me feel better, and also I think I should just let it go. It wasn't hard plans, it wasn't like we were going to spend an amazing evening together, I am just hooked on spending time, and need to remind myself it's actually better. I don't know when I should hang out next, but I will play it by ear, she was really sorry and said I should just come sleep over after I'm done studying, or we could hang out Tuesday or Wednesday, and just trying to come up with solutions and I Think perhaps I am being too harsh (in my head.) Since I haven't really talked about it, and IN THE MOMENt I was telling her, no it's fine it's probably better, and then I "change my mind" It's unfair.

 

 

Last thing, and I wanted to thank the ladies for this. Morning of our trip, I'm in the kitchen and making coffee and eggs. She gets a little snappy since I didn't add water in the coffee (automatic k-cup machine, didn't check if there was water), I immediately respond with well it's tough when I'm doing 3 things at once, and it's just water. how about you add some. Later in the car, I bring it up, and tell her I don't like that she feels okay to just get angry with stupid petty things. We have about a 30 minute talk about that, and it turns out to be a really good thing. She says sorry, and I told her I'll continue to call her on it, and she says you won't have to...thanks for telling me. As soon as I told her, I got over it, and didn't care. She can go quick to anger but she is actively working on it, I think putting my foot down right away changed it.

 

That is why I am now confused if this whole change of evening plans is a similar situation. Where I tell her, it's a little disrespectful that you just "forget" me, and in turn show my discontent by not spending anytime all week.

 

I'm thinking of letting go the change of plans and not being a jerk that holds things over her head (exactly how she treated me with stupid drunken antics...she let it go right away, and even changed the story for the group of friends so I saved face...made it just sound like I slipped)based on principle. BUT I don't want this to be a habit where she knows she can just change her plans with me whenever since it's no big deal. Help me! I think I have a good one, but almost want to get mean about this and possibly make a big deal out of nothing

[sophie274]

Sorry, can you clarify? She said she would spend a quiet evening at the house with you studying, and then when she got there got wrapped up in hanging out with roomie? Or did she go out with her roommate? How did the evening go, you were studying and she was hanging with her roommate, or you were all hanging out and you didn't get to study? I'm confused.

[BigKK]

sorry to clarify, the plan was for tonight. Tomorrow is my exam, so the plan was tonight I study at her place and she makes dinner.

 

When we arrived last night she asked her roommate if she has soccer and she said no I have a bye, and she said oh you wanna hang out with me tomorrow, and she agreed.

 

So later I told her I'll just study elsewhere, and she's like what do you mean, and I said well you just made plans with your roommate, and she's like Oh my, it does sound like I did I am so sorry, etc etc

[mhowe]

I still don't understand --- she is going to hang out at her place with her roommate so you can't study there?

 

OR --- was she supposed to just watch you study?

 

OR --- going to the library in her town isn't the solution?

[BigKK]

I still don't understand --- she is going to hang out at her place with her roommate so you can't study there?

 

OR --- was she supposed to just watch you study?

 

OR --- going to the library in her town isn't the solution?

 

 

mhowe!! are you calling me ridiculous?

 

She wanted a quiet evening and read while I studied. I think I'm being ridiculous, haha, yes there is libraries.

 

Wait, I don't think...I am being ridiculous, I shouldn't of agreed to study at her place in the first place