lovely78 Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 Hi everyone, looking for some advice. Recently i have started thinking about my relationship, loving wise and phyiscally its fine. But it feels like its a one way street. We have been together for 3 years, he moved into my house 2 years ago, he gives me just enough money to cover his half of food and bills. Whlist I pay the mortgage and shout holidays. I work fulltime, as does he but i make better money. So all things aside without writing too much, i cover the finance side mostly, but he has promised me he will start to save and plan to buy a house and share mortgage together, but its already 3 years and i havent seen advancements to make this happen?..... So that aside, the thing thats getting to me mostly is the lack of help with the household duties. I do all food shopping, cook dinner, make work lunches, all cleaning, washing up and clothes washing. I get no support, he just says, i love it and shouldn't have done so much at the start of relationship. I dont know if he really believes i love taking care of him, i do, but i its just become a drag now. I know i have brought this on myself and dont know what to do. He has helped with a few outside house tasks over the years- all one offs if i nag him enough to do it. But now i even pay for lawns to me mowed, due to the slackness. I would do them, but with everything else... i have no time for me. To add to it, I rarely see my friends anymore either, as he prefers me to just be with him.... I am childless as he doesnt want children, i did but decided i couldnt do everything, and i would have to. he has 2 children but hardly sees them and they have nothing to do with me.... Am i blinded by love or am i missing something big here? Link to comment
spandora Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 This is the BIGGEST reason I left my most recent ex. No help whatsoever, and wouldn't bother cleaning up after himself. And got beligerent when I 'nagged' him about it. And also, very irresponsible financially. I think you may be blinded--not sure it's love--I am not sure why I thought I could love someone who was so selfish as my ex. That's just lazy selfishness, esp when you've asked him to help you and he doesn't. Link to comment
Lambert Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 I also left a ltr for these reasons... I was doing everything and he was so lazy and selfish about everything. When I would call him on it he would say things like-- oh you are keeping score? He made it like anytime I complained, I was being petty. But the truth was, he had it made with me. And now his sorry butt is doing whatever he does and I am much happier. I think, like you, I started doing things in terms of "nesting" and I did it to myself, but he could have been more appreciative and helped out anyway. When we first met, we went out on more dates and he put in more effort. Those things faded, too. I always looked at it like-- he paid for a lot of things on dates, so it was a return of the treat to cook for him or pack him a lunch. I tried so hard to explain it all to him, but he just would not see it or change. He just kept telling our mutual friends that I needed space. And that made me so mad... Like what? Space? How about some support? Here I am about 5 years later. I only really know how long it's been bcuz it was the same year my mom was diagnosed with Breast cancer. And she is a. 5 yr survivor!! Yeah!! But anyway... It was a hard break up. It took about a year for us to really break. We weren't married but I feel like I went thru a bad divorce.... But I am glad I did. In the beginning he was great and I don't regret our time together but I do wish I would have walked away sooner. I am much happier now. I have had some relationships and many many dates... I am single now. And I would never go back to that. Good luck Link to comment
lovely78 Posted June 30, 2014 Author Share Posted June 30, 2014 Thanks for you replies, im sure their are lots of people in the situation, i feel trapped. im glad you got out and are happier for it Can i ask what age you are? Thats why i think im also scared to end it, my age and being single again, fighting over custody of dogs etc.... Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 Ditto. It got to where I needed him only to show up as my date and give me sex, and as neither of those tbings were going to happen, therr was no reason to keep him. I cleaned the garage, the old trees, painted, etc myself. Ending my marriage was the best thing I ever did for my self-respect. His gf now takes care of their young child while he lives out of state and she has two jobs. Link to comment
spandora Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 fyi, I'm 47 My ex was 39. I didn't let my age stop me. I had to leave 3 cats I really loved. I still miss them so much. I was just being SO disrespected and was so stressed out, I had to leave. Thanks for you replies, im sure their are lots of people in the situation, i feel trapped. im glad you got out and are happier for it Can i ask what age you are? Thats why i think im also scared to end it, my age and being single again, fighting over custody of dogs etc.... Link to comment
SpottiOtti Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 I think you need to start believing in yourself and in your self-worth before you can do anything to fix this situation. I could tell you to give him an ultimatum, but you seem so unsure of yourself that I don't think you'd mean it, and your boyfriend would pick up on that. I could say, "You deserve better" but I can tell you wouldn't believe it. What's it gonna take for you to believe you are worth enough to put your foot down and tell your boyfriend to shape up or ship out? And for the record, it is my firm belief that 36 is NOT OLD AT ALL!!! Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.