Glass Half Full. Always.

[intolerable]

Hey, guys! Wow, I haven't been here for quite a while. The first time I joined eNotAlone, I was still a college sophomore who recently got dumped by her boyfriend of one and a half something years. Or two. I honestly cannot remember. Anyways, this website and its members helped me a lot (especially you, DN! Thank you!) and I told myself that if it ever got better for me, I would come back here to spread some positivity and hope to all those who are confused and hurting. So here I am.

 

When my ex-boyfriend broke up with me, I was a wreck. He was my first everything and I never ever thought I'd get over him. But I did. It took me more than a year, but the first morning I woke and realised that I could live my life without him was the most empowering feeling I felt that time. And it didn't just happen. I made the decision to move on consciously. It was a choice. And this, I think, is a vital piece of the puzzle when you're trying to move on from someone; something a lot of us miss because we feel too helpless about our current situation. There will be ups and downs, it's not a straight path, but just keep going up.

 

Fast forward five years and now there's older (and hopefully wiser) me. Been working as a young professional for three years and I just recently got into a committed relationship with a man I dated for three months. Gasp! What took me so long to enter into another relationship? Will that happen to you too? Oh no, intolerable, I don't want to stay single for that long! That, my friends, is entirely up to you. What I can tell you is that I never regretted staying single for that long. I dated different people during that time but I knew I wasn't ready. I needed time. Time to trust in people, and more importantly, time to trust myself again. How did I know I was finally ready to be in a relationship? When I felt like a relationship, even if doesn't work out, will not be the end of me. It's going to hurt but it won't destroy me. And that made me stop being afraid getting into a another relationship, because I know whether it works out or not, I'll survive.

 

Don't stop working on yourself, guys. Be the person your five-year-old self would be proud of. As for me? Wish me luck on this one. I'm quite smitten. Heh.

[Man with Dog]

I'm really glad to hear that things are OK for you now. There is life after a break-up but you are right that it can be a long time coming. Even nearly 3 decades later, I can still remember the hurt I went through and the downright lies I swallowed. In some ways I still bear the scars and, although my (now) 2nd wife has her faults, I would rather be with her than anyone and literally would rather be single for the 20-ish years I have left than go back to my ex wife.

 

Although I wasn't over it after a year, it was around that time that I had reached a stage where I was no longer suicidal and was able to drink alcohol normally. I did enter a serious relationship about 2 years after the split. I would have dated soon after the split but didn't have any takers, mostly as I was a train wreck and didn't actually know any unattached girls at the time. I think it's OK to date straight after a break-up but it depends a lot on the circumstances.

 

Good luck but it sounds like you don't need it.

[deejay74]

I really like posts like this. Thanks for coming back and sharing your "come back" story.

 

I came here originally way back in 2006 after my first terrible break up. I came back in Sept of last year for the second, and worst, heart wrenching break up that I am still trying to get over. I am a lot better, but not out of the woods yet.

 

The original time I came here was for a 6 month relationship. That took me a year to get over.

 

This last one was a 10 month relationship with a woman that I never loved so much. We were even planning on getting married. Today, ironically, is exactly 9 months since the BU.

 

At any rate, I know you can't put a time frame on healing, but I hope that after next month I will be almost completely over everything. The only problem is, July 26th is my birthday, 10 months since the BU, and our relationship lasted 10 months.

 

But, intolerable, I believe you are right when it's a choice that we have to make to move on. I just wish the emotions would follow along better. lol.

 

I finally realized not too long ago that I really need to focus more on myself as far as bettering myself psychologically instead of trying to get into another relationship just because I am lonely. This is one of the toughest parts for me, especially because I still miss my ex and think about her.

 

Good luck with your current relationship and thanks for sharing your story!

[surfjon]

Deejay.....

 

yer one of the "old-timers" here too!!

 

I stumbled in here after the demise of 20 years of marriage, and 24 years total with her...

This place saved my life, and with the sage advice of many who are still here on ena, I slowly healed, got over the loss and moved on.

 

In about 2009, I just lurked now and then as I had met a girl, and fell in love with her.....something I never thought I'd do again......I was deeply scarred by my ex-wife leaving.......

 

She dumped me January of 2013, and I staggered back in here again......

I had to re-learn what I'd learned to get over my ex-wife, to now get over the loss of the girl I'd now invested 5 years with.....

 

I won't lie, it was hard, and she made it worse by asking me to take her back in June of 2013.....which I did (WHAT A MISTAKE!!!).....

 

I finally had to dump her ambivalent self for my sanity, and I never looked back.....

Yeah, I miss her sometimes, but it's all in the past and I learned painful and hard life-lessons from her crap in the end time.....

 

Never will allow a trouncing like she gave me, and will never....ever....take back a girl that dumps me.

 

Dump me once? Done.......

"You Need some time?? " I'm Out!!

"Not sure what you want???" Later!!

 

Peace all......

[John John]

Never will allow a trouncing like she gave me, and will never....ever....take back a girl that dumps me.

 

Dump me once? Done.......

"You Need some time?? " I'm Out!!

"Not sure what you want???" Later!!

 

Peace all......

 

 

This x100000000!!!!!!

 

I will enforce a zero tolerance policy moving forward. If I sense any flakiness, I am done.

[deejay74]

Yep, been here on and off for a long time!

 

My ex and I tried to reconcile in March through early May. I didn't know why I thought it would work again. I mostly blame the influence her friends and family had over her for most of the reasons why it didn't work out again. She suddenly stopped communicating and answering my correspondence in May and I don't know why. Perhaps it's a good thing but also I guess the "reset" button was pushed again from that moment with regards to moving on.

 

 

 

I agree with this too. I just hope that IF I come accross this again, I have the strength to not come back. As many of you know, my ex dumped me 5 times! And I kept coming back. I should've never came back after the first time.

[intolerable]

I'm glad all of you guys are walking away from relationships that aren't good for you! We don't need that drama!

 

deejay74, you can do it! Besides, if ever you need some pep talk you know we're here.

[surfjon]

Deejay.....Don't feel too bad.....

 

I took mine back a total of three times!!!

 

That's three times too freakin many !!

[deejay74]

deejay74, you can do it! Besides, if ever you need some pep talk you know we're here.

 

 

Thanks!

 

You know, this place has been very helpful many times. I received a lot of advice, most of which I didn't take because I didn't have the strength to do, and had a lot of great support from nice people on here. This place can be a source of comfort.

 

But, I think it can also be a hindrance if you're here all the time. I think coming here in moderation is key.

 

I'd like to thank you again, intolerable, for coming and sharing your success story.

[intolerable]

Thanks!

 

You know, this place has been very helpful many times. I received a lot of advice, most of which I didn't take because I didn't have the strength to do, and had a lot of great support from nice people on here. This place can be a source of comfort.

 

But, I think it can also be a hindrance if you're here all the time. I think coming here in moderation is key.

 

I'd like to thank you again, intolerable, for coming and sharing your success story.

 

I understand what you mean and I agree, moderation is key. You're very welcome, deejay74! I hope this post helps a lot of people.

[deejay74]

Deejay.....Don't feel too bad.....

 

I took mine back a total of three times!!!

 

That's three times too freakin many !!

 

Oops, I missed this.

 

So you took your ex back, mine took me back.

 

I don't want to hijack this thread but I do want to say, when we were trying to reconcile, I owned up and admitted to the mistakes I made and said that I would do my best not to make them again. I asked my ex if she felt she made any mistakes and she said "yeah, taking you back all those times". OUCH!!!

 

Like I said, I should've stayed away after the first break up. But I was so in love/infatuated/whatever with her that I kept coming back.