Mixed signals - do I let him go?

[Rainna7]

We've been dating for a few months. He's introduced me to his friends, and gets along with mine. He tells me and our mutual friends that I'm a great person, beautiful, and that he finds me attractive. We haven't had sex but we've kissed, cuddled, and made out. One night, under the influence, I blurted out that I was crazy about him and asked him why he was distant, (he was acting strange that day). He said his heart wasn't in it and that he wouldn't be a good boyfriend. He assured me he wasn't seeing anyone else and it's just that he wants to work on himself. I got emotional and left. He still texts me several times a day and flirts with me. We have the most amazing time together and then he sends me texts after we go out to tell me how much fun he had. He's always the one to ask me out because I dont want to force anything. The other night he told me that he would fall for me and he'd be the one to get hurt. I care about him a lot and love spending time with him but I'm so confused. My friends think he might be scared that I'm "out of his league" and doesn't want to get hurt. I feel like he's very special and really want to have a relationship with him. I've been upfront with my feelings for him but it doesn't seem to be enough. Why won't he give us a shot? Should I just let him go?

[mhowe]

He likes you as a friend but cannot see a long term romantic relationship.

If you are looking for a life partner...pass on this one. He won't change.

[itsallgrand]

This is your cue that he can't see himself being a real relationship with you. It doesn't matter so much why exactly. Simply that he has told you a few times now "No" to what you want, and so....if I were you, this would be when I let him go, yes.

 

One of the things I've observed a lot of is people trying to figure out the 'why' and then trying to fix it. My advice is: don't.

[ExcitedtoSleep]

He could really like you but be afraid to trust you.

 

He could just not be that into you. Probably the case, since he said it himself while you were drunk.

But then again, there are some guys who will see you differently while you are drunk.

 

Also, he could be looking for the kind of person who initiates as much as he does. That's the problem with not wanting to "force" anything.

 

In the end, you two probably aren't really that into each other. It wouldn't make sense for him to try to have feelings for you

[nutbrownhare]

There could be 101 reasons why he doesn't want a full relationship with you, none of which are anything to do with you. Carry on being friends by all means, but don't hold out any hope for anything more. I've had this kind of relationship with a few guys over the years, and they can be great fun as long as you accept where the boundaries are - if you can do that without getting hurt. It could be that he's scared of getting hurt, it could be that he's unsure of his sexuality... who knows?

 

You've been up front and honest. He can't give you what you want, so you need to stop asking for it. Waiting and hoping the other person will change is no basis for a relationship; so find someone who's looking for the same kind of relationship that you are.

[ParisPaulette]

There are a million and one reasons why he won't "give you a shot," but the long and the short of it is he isn't. You've been upfront about your feelings and he has too. And those feelings don't match--you want more, he doesn't. You are Ms. Fine for Now to him when what you need and want to be is Ms. I am Committed to this Girl. When someone tells you in one way or another that they are not going to commit then their actions don't matter, because they already have one foot out the door. And as soon as someone else comes along to replace you he will be gone. He knows this already and has been honest with you about it. Continue to hang with and date him at your own peril, but don't be surprised or hurt when he tells you can't see you anymore, because he's met somebody else. And you have no leg to stand on, because you ignored what he was telling you all along. He isn't going to commit to you. He doesn't want to be your boyfriend, just to have a good time.

 

If you want more than that then yes it's time to cut him loose for good and move on.

[dobbin]

You should send this guy on his way.

 

Clearly you two want different things. You told him you want a relationship and he told you he doesn't want you as his girlfriend. It is irrelevant what his reasons are for not wanting to be your boyfriend, the end result is he doesn't want to be your boyfriend. For the time being he continues to spend time with you because you are not putting pressure on him to define your relationship, hence he will be casually seeing you until he finds someone he wants to be in a relationship with then he will leave you or until you force him to be your boyfriend in which case he will leave because he's already stated he doesn't want to be your boyfriend.

 

Protect your heart, let this one go.