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same mistakes/what am i doing wrong


liverpoolboy

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Hi all . I find my self in the same situation over and over what happens is when I meet someone new everything thing goes great for the first month or so and then it's like they loose interest and I find myself being the one who is chasing. I don't know what it is I think it comes down to people wanting what they can't have . For example the last girl I was seeing things were goin great and she showed interest in me but then it just slowly flickered away . I let this girl know that I liked her and I'm thinkin now maybe I should hold back on them things.

 

I find my self being the one who has to chase and ask women out and I'd love for things to be more balanced I don't know where I'm goin wrong and I could do with some advice. I've been single for 2 years now I'm not particularly looking for a relationship with just anybody but when I find someone I like and that I could potentially have a relationship with it seems to dwindle away any advise on this I would love some outside opinions.

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From what little I know the whole "chasing" thing can make people lose interest in you. By appearing needy you typically make yourself seem less attractive in their eyes. I admit that it can sometimes be challenging to find the balance between showing interest towards your dates and not coming accross as needy.

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If the same thing has happened many times and always after the first month or so, then, it's safe to assume that you're doing something wrong. I'm not sure what you mean by 'chasing'. Could it be that you come on too strong and bombard the girl with text/phonecalls?

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Hi guys I appreciate the replys. You see I try to play thing cool and not give too much away I wouldn't bombard a girl with texts or phone calls I would wait for them to reply to me and if they didn't I'd maybe drop them a text a couple of days later. It's just I find there is an initial spark and then it just slowly ends up goin no where. Also if I meet a girl who I feel is slightly out of my league or really attractive I tend to act different ly then I normally would and maybe come on a bit strong. I understand the information may be a little vague but I'm just tryin to determine where I'm goin wrong because I'm getting stressed when it goes no where.

 

I find it hard to see what the other person's position is I.e do they want a relationship ? Is it just a fling ? Etc. It's affecting my confidence as well if things are goin well with a girl then it's just ends mainly on their part I feel as a loss of interest I then start to doubt myself and feel like I've done something wrong

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There's an episode of Seinfeld where George starts doing the opposite of what he normally does. It works wonders. We, you may never figure out what you are doing wrong. So, just start mixing it up a bit. Dating takes two things to succeed. Some trial and error, and getting out of your comfort zone.

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Me Darcy yes I do have friends and family but I'm looking for advise from a collective group of people. So If I wasin the early stages of seeing someone I would probably ask them out maybe once a week is that too much ? And what generally tends to happen is that we go out a couple of time as is good and I then ask them out again and they either give me a vague I'm busy answer or don't reply . At this point I would just forget about that person and move on because they are showing a lack of interest.

 

In the current times hits generally the man who asks the women out and plans a date but how do you do this without coming on strong and letting the person know that your in to them.

 

If I was seeing a girl I wouldn't really talk to other women and I feel the girl I'm seeing might see this a been too secure like I'm not goin to run off with anyone else and there for there's no challenge for them.

 

I just don't know how to approach things when I meet someone and just let it happenen rather than trying to make something happen

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So If I was in the early stages of seeing someone I would probably ask them out maybe once a week is that too much ? And what generally tends to happen is that we go out a couple of time as is good and I then ask them out again and they either give me a vague I'm busy answer or don't reply . At this point I would just forget about that person and move on because they are showing a lack of interest.

 

In the current times hits generally the man who asks the women out and plans a date but how do you do this without coming on strong and letting the person know that your in to them.

 

First of all, once or twice a week is fine.

Second, when you've already been on a couple of dates and the next time you ask, the girl says she's busy and doesn't ask to reschedule, move on.

Yes, men usually ask and plan a date but ASKING someone is enough to show them you're interested. If you feel you have to chase...something is wrong.

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Yeah your right thanks for the advice . I think I'm just goin to concentrate on my own self improvement at the minute and also not have high expectations when I meet someone just let things happen thanks for all the advice I will take this on board. I think my problem is being too nice and maybe trying to hard but I'll work on it

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Sounds like you aren't doing anything wrong, once a week is a good balance. The nice, decent women don't want a guy to play hard to get, if you do that you will probably just attract women that like games. I'd say it is just a case of you having not found the right person yet, i agree & think you should just concentrate on yourself & not look too hard for someone.

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Yeah that exactly how I feel that it's a game of power with some women and it makes it hard to be myself. I think maybe the women I have been seen might be a bit immature I'm a tong guy and the last couple if women I have dated have been a couple of years younger than me. That's what I'm goin to do focus on myself and let things fall into place

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Where do you meet these women? Is it online? I think online dating is getting harder now as people have so much choice these days! don't take it personally. The same happens to me, except they usually last between 3-5 months and then are gone, I'd prefer it to last a few dates than a few months as you start to emotionally invest by that point, at least these women are ending it after a few dates so you know it isn't your problem but theirs, because they haven't even got to know you by then so it isn't personal to you.

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The majority of the women I've seen over the last couple of years I've met on nights out in a club but then we would chat online also. Yeah I no what you mean there so many options online and attractive women tend to get slot of attention online. How do you deal with this situation ? You can't help if you like someone it's like you have to go into it being guarded and expecting the worst

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