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He only wants to see me once a week


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My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 months now. The problem is, that we literally only see each other once a week. I think there have only been maybe 2 or 3 times where I saw him twice in the same week. At first, I understoof because we are both in grad school and had tons of reading to do after classes. It was impractical to see one another during the week.

 

However, it is now summer. We both have summer internships, and work 10-5pm. I live 25 miles away from him, so it is a bit of a drive. Still, my job is only 20 minutes away from where he lives. However, I continue to only see him once a week. He always plans something for the weekend, but even though I'm wiling to make the drive to see him, he's totally content. His parents were out of town for 2 weeks, and he didn't invite me over. We just went to his place for a little bit after our date on Saturday. The following Sunday, I ASKED HIM if I could go over for a little bit, and he said sure. This week, I went to a friend's home near his city. He said "oh well you should have stopped by my place after." I told him that if he wanted to see me, he could have asked me himself and didn't need to wait until I was in the city. He said that "due to work schedules we're both tired and that he doesnt want to burden me with the drive." I told him that it's a signifcantly shorter drive from work to his city than anything else, and asked him why he hasn't invited me over even once.

 

 

I'd been making excuses for him for a long time. Maybe he's too tired after work, maybe he just wants to rest. But I feel like in 2 weeks, there could have been ONE opportunity for him to just invite me over. We didn't even need to go anywhere.Even IF he genuinely is tired after work, what about Sundays? He works M-F and still has yet to ask to see me on a Sunday. It's always ONLY either Friday or Saturday. Am I being too demanding? Should I be worried? What is the right course of action? Now that I've told him, I feel like any attempt on his part to spend more time together won't be genuine and will be because he feels forced.

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If I had been seeing someone for 4 months & it was only 1 day a week I wouldn't be happy at all.

 

I have dated divorced Fathers with children they see regularly, and I still saw them more than once a week.

 

I don't think he is acting like a bf. I think I would find someone who wants to spend time with me.

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I wouldn't refer to him as a BF; he isn't acting like a BF.

 

He is probably looking to hook up casually; to maintain the casualness of the situation he is keeping his distance to prevent you from getting too attached.

If a guy truly likes you he will move mountains to be with you. No matter how busy or tired he is; he will find means to be next to you.

 

From my perspective he's just using you until he finds someone he likes; or he is using you for convenience while he keeps a busy schedule with other priorities. This is based on my personal observation from being the person who has to hear about everyone's personal life stories.

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When I started dating my boyfriend we were in a similar situation where we would see each other like once a week, but he explained to me that he was in a situation where due to his job, he didn't know if he would have to move away for good in a few months, or not. And therefore he didn't want us to get too attached. I agreed and so we continued this.

Some months later, he still had these job insecurities, but for me it was enough, seeing him once a week was no good for me anymore. I told him that I don't care if he would leave this city one day, but until then either we are a 100% couple or not at all. And do you know how things are today? We see each other a lot more, sleep together almost everytime we meet, we text a lot more, we are going on our first vacation together next month. Not only the quantity of time we spend together has improved, but also the quality.

 

So concluison: talk to him and say what you think. Say rather what you feel instead of accusing him of the things he doesn't do. In other words: use sentences like "I feel..."; "I wish...". Don't use sentences like "You never...": "You are..." because these will seem like accustions and pointing your finger at him and you will be likely to get less positive results.

 

Then see what happens. If you see he is making an effort, good for you. If not, well... time to re-think the possibility of stepping out of the relationship.

 

Don't worry too much that if you ask for more time togehter, that then it won't be a genuine wish from his part to be more time together, relationships are also about giving and taking. If he cares for you, he will be happy fulfill your wishes.

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4 months now.. does he show some real interest in you? I am thinking at least you do get to see him at least once a week, as it is normal to continue to want to have your own life still- friends, etc.

 

How about ask him once a month, can you have a 'weekend together'? or something.

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4 months now.. does he show some real interest in you? I am thinking at least you do get to see him at least once a week, as it is normal to continue to want to have your own life still- friends, etc.

 

How about ask him once a month, can you have a 'weekend together'? or something.

 

Well, we always see one another on either Friday or Saturday. But, I feel like 2x a week should be the bare minimum. I'm even willing to settle for 2x a week on occasion! I understanding having one's own life and time. However, he doesn't go out with his friends either. He sits at home, doing nothing. If he's with me on Friday, he'll see his friends on Saturday or vis-versa. But after work and on Sundays, he stays home. I feel like that's enough free time to fit me in at least 1 more time during the week.

 

It just doesn't feel like a "relationship."

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I wouldn't refer to him as a BF; he isn't acting like a BF.

 

He is probably looking to hook up casually; to maintain the casualness of the situation he is keeping his distance to prevent you from getting too attached.

If a guy truly likes you he will move mountains to be with you. No matter how busy or tired he is; he will find means to be next to you.

 

From my perspective he's just using you until he finds someone he likes; or he is using you for convenience while he keeps a busy schedule with other priorities. This is based on my personal observation from being the person who has to hear about everyone's personal life stories.

 

Well I'm not quite sure if he's trying to keep it as a casual hookup, as we aren't hooking up. I'm a virgin and have told him that while I'm not waiting for marriage, I am waiting for a quality person. He's agreed that he's ok with that and is willing to wait until I'm ready. So it's not like we meet up once a week for sex. Still, I feel like if he was really interested, he'd want to see me more often.

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We both live at home with our parents as we're still in grad school. However, his parents have been out of the country for 2 weeks now. I feel like he could have invited me over at least once to see him after work for a little bit. That wouldn't even require him to spend any money or do anything but have me over. But nope. He has asked me to stay over on Friday, but I feel like it was an easy opportunity to see each other during the week. When I mentioned it to him he said we're both "tired after work and we both go to bed early, so it's not convenient." I work the same hours he does, and I'd be willing to drive out and see him at leaast once from M-T. I guess he doesn't feel the same way.

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I feel like he could have invited me over at least once to see him after work for a little bit.

 

I work the same hours he does, and I'd be willing to drive out and see him at leaast once from M-T. I guess he doesn't feel the same way.

 

Don't expect anyone to guess what you think. Don't expect anyone to do things the same way as you would do them. People are different, people think in different ways.

 

If you want something, tell him. Tell him you are willing to give up on some "resting time" to see him more often. Tell him you wish that you would see each other more. tell him what you expect from the relationship. That is the only way to solve this.

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He isn't that interested and he really doesn't want to even be in a relationship.

Think about it. He would rather sit home alone than be with you.

 

Here's why I'm confused. Any time I mention that I'm in his neighborhood (which is mostly because I drove there to visit another friend), he'll immediately call and ask if I have time to go see him after I'm done with my friends. We'll either go get some dessert or coffee, something along those lines. BUT - he won't just ask me to go see him during the week unless it's because I'm already there for some other reason.

 

So it confuses me - if he really isn't interested in seeing me, then why be so eager to see me when he knows I'm in the city? Again, we're not having sex - so it's not that.

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Well I continue insisting that at least you should say something. Sometimes people just don't realize they are making someone unhappy and that they are not putting enough effort into the relationship. Could be that, or could be he is not interested. You will find out by talking to him and see what he has to say. I have the feeling you are avoiding confrontation because you are afraid that it might lead to a break up.

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Well I continue insisting that at least you should say something. Sometimes people just don't realize they are making someone unhappy and that they are not putting enough effort into the relationship. Could be that, or could be he is not interested. You will find out by talking to him and see what he has to say. I have the feeling you are avoiding confrontation because you are afraid that it might lead to a break up.

 

I'm going to talk to him tonight and see what he says. I won't be happy until I do.

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I'm a virgin and have told him that while I'm not waiting for marriage, I am waiting for a quality person. He's agreed that he's ok with that and is willing to wait until I'm ready.

 

Whoa. Did anyone notice this comment?

 

Personally, I don't think this is a relationship. And I can see why he really doesn't have any true feelings for you.

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Whoa. Did anyone notice this comment?

 

Personally, I don't think this is a relationship. And I can see why he really doesn't have any true feelings for you.

 

??? It's not like I'm asking him to wait for a year. I feel like I need to get to know him a little better before I make such a big decision. We both come from a really, really conversative culture. This is not something that comes as a shock to him. It's been 4 months and things have escalated, just not to sex. I'm now willing to go there, but it just hasn't happened yet. If someone is going to hold back "feelings" because I want a little time to get to know the person and to be comfortable before I have sex, then that person is not a quality person.

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Thats not a relationship, my fiance lives an hour away, right now its summer shes not in college but works 40 hours or more a week, i see her every day, only 2 nights she doesn't stay over, when shes in college i see her 2 or 3 times a week, sometimes i go there, but she is here much more.

 

Sounds like hes not very interested, you guys dont live very far from eachother.

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It really doesn't matter if others think that is a relationship or not. It only matters what YOU think. It doesn't sound like you are happy with the relationship and unless he is willing to make an effort to see you more than you will continue to be unhappy. It really is as simple as that.

 

I agree with this.

 

I guess my point would be that if a girl I meet is actually having to think about whether she trusts me or not, I am going to take it as her not being interested.

 

OP, is it possible that this guy you are talking to feels like you are unsure about him?

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I'd been making excuses for him for a long time. Maybe he's too tired after work, maybe he just wants to rest. But I feel like in 2 weeks, there could have been ONE opportunity for him to just invite me over.

 

Never make someone a priority, when they see you as an option.

 

Despite the title, he doesn't seem that interested in you. He's fine with your company in small does. But you got to wonder why doesn't want you around the other 6 days of the week..

 

Is he seeing another girl? Or is this just how "he is" in which case you can take eventual marriage and moving in together off the table. He's a "good time guy", not a possible partner to build a life with.

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Whoa. Did anyone notice this comment?

 

Personally, I don't think this is a relationship. And I can see why he really doesn't have any true feelings for you.

 

That's ridiculous. He is clearly not invested in her...why would she give him her virginity...let alone have sex with him?

 

Dating someone is not a guaranteed lay. Sex is risky. There are STI's and pregnancy....and emotional attachment. And if he's not making a bigger effort to connect with her...she shouldn't have sex with him. Sex will not make a crappy relationship better.

 

OP, I think it's time that you start dating other people. I would end things with this guy and find someone that wants to be with you...someone who makes time for you, someone who treats you special...because this guy...he's not going to change. Sorry

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That's ridiculous. He is clearly not invested in her...why would she give him her virginity...let alone have sex with him?

 

Dating someone is not a guaranteed lay. Sex is risky. There are STI's and pregnancy....and emotional attachment. And if he's not making a bigger effort to connect with her...she shouldn't have sex with him. Sex will not make a crappy relationship better.

 

OP, I think it's time that you start dating other people. I would end things with this guy and find someone that wants to be with you...someone who makes time for you, someone who treats you special...because this guy...he's not going to change. Sorry

 

I am just saying that the OP doesn't seem really invested in the relationship either. I'm not saying she should be.

 

But when you tell your partner that you are waiting to save your virginity for someone special, it doesn't send a good message to him or her.

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Never make someone a priority, when they see you as an option.

 

Despite the title, he doesn't seem that interested in you. He's fine with your company in small does. But you got to wonder why doesn't want you around the other 6 days of the week..

 

Is he seeing another girl? Or is this just how "he is" in which case you can take eventual marriage and moving in together off the table. He's a "good time guy", not a possible partner to build a life with.

 

I'm pretty confident he's not seeing anyone else. I could be wrong, but I don't think I am. But I do wonder why he wouldn't want to see me at least 2x a week.

 

It just confuses the life out of me because he just told me 2 days ago that he loves me. And yet, I'm stuck at 1x a week.

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