What moves you to continue posting here even when you don't need help?

[panther]

I am pretty new here. Less than a week.

I suppose many start here the way I did, by posting their story to search for anonymous opinions and advice, but then somehow continue reading others posts and helping them out in the way we can.

 

Or maybe you started here in a totally different way.

 

For me, I had some pretty good advice and critiques on my stuff right on the day I started here. And now am trying to work on that and work things out for myself. So right now, I don't need anyones help, besides my own.

But still, I find myself liking to read others stories and trying to help when I think I have something useful to say. But I am still a rookie here.

 

What about you? Do you do this on pure altruism?

Do you find yourself learning something yourself by helping others out?

Maybe something else?

 

I am curious.

[metrogirl]

Well for me, because I have been here for so long if I left it would be like leaving my family.

[IAmFCA]

I think about this question too, in a different way.

 

I think the feedback, the immediacy of hearing that someone found a comment useful, It's almost addictive.

 

Sometimes I log on simply to send a PM or check a thread, because I genuinely wonder how someone is managing. Other times, I think I am seeking immediacy to contrast my work, which is more long term.

 

Maybe it's a source of affirmation as well. Not sure.

 

Certainly, I have learned so much by being here. A valuable site for me.

[Moontiger]

Agree with metro girl! Also, for me, I love helping people so when I'm able to give advice to someone it feels good.

 

Also, ENA is such a part of my day to day life now, I don't know what I would do without it!

 

 

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[jjkk]

I enjoy hearing other people's stories and I especially like when they give updates. I like to help others and feel like this is one way I can do that. It also gives me ideas and insight to reflect on myself and my own relationships and how I interact with people. I've learned a lot about people and myself being active on this forum and that's something I love. I find people fascinating in general.

 

A recent example for me is I broke up w/ a man almost 2 years ago and it was really rough for him. A few weeks of pleading and begging from him and he must have gone NC. I haven't tried to contact him since the break up. For some reason the past month or so I've kind of wondered how he's doing, what's going on in his life. I have no intention of rekindling anything w/ him, it's just curiosity since we shared 2 years together and he helped me through my withdrawals from opiate addiction. Anyway, hearing on this site how hearing from exes out of the blue can throw them for such a loop I've decided against contacting him. I'll just let the curiosity be. I don't want to stir anything up for him.

 

It also feels good to let others know people out in the world empathize w/ their situation and really do care, even if we're "strangers" behind a computer. It's a way for me to feel connected to the bigger world.

[Seraphim]

I feel like I have been here forever. I like the support I get when I need it and I love giving it back.

[quirky]

I am inquisitive about other's people's stories/problems/issues/fun stuff and I like to help when I can. It's a way of connecting and I love connecting.

 

I have also learnt a lot from here, like A LOT. It helps getting perspectives when I have a problem myself.

 

I have been here a while now, it's like checking facebook or email to be honest lol

[Fudgie]

I do occasionally need help or like getting people's opinions. I've been here for years, lol. Now I've come to know people and I like people here so I find myself staying.

 

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[IAmFCA]

When I felt like I had nobody, I had ENA. Naturally, I keep that connection now. ENA is my safety net.

 

In fact, when I haven't posted a new thread, I force myself to start one, as a way of journaling and exploring what might be going on with me that I would otherwise ignore.

 

I check ENA, FB, and GMAIL on most days.

 

It has become part of my community, and it reminds me how diverse we are and how connected we are, regardless of age, background, geography, orientation, privileges and struggles. I love having my horizons stretched and my sense of connection grow at the same time.

 

Finally, I have learned better how to be empathetic. Still a long way to go, but ENA has helped me break a few bad patterns and learn some good ones. How could I not stay active even after my crisis passed?

[ParisPaulette]

I've always been involved in some form of helping people. I even tried for a counseling license at one point, but discovered that I get too emotionally involved to be a really effective in-person therapist or counselor. When I lived in a big city I had a ton of options and causes that I was involved in to help people, even making a profession of it at one point although not as a therapist or counselor. Then I moved to a very rural area where I work from home and have a lot of alone time on my hands. Posting on this forum, being able to offer advice and feedback to people who want it is the best way I know of to still continue helping others.

 

Plus I really just like the people on this forum and the way the forum itself is run. It's a safe place to give and get advice and it's free. How cool is that?

[Fudgie]

I am a better person since coming on ENA. Part of that was just from experiencing life more and finally going out on my own, but I credit ENA too. I never, ever thought I'd become a "regular" here and would be here so often but here I am. You guys have told me things that I needed to hear but didn't want to hear...when it came to issues with my relationships, including my family too....you were all there for me. I was forced to think outside of the box which has allowed me to develop into a better person. I still have a ways to go but I'm so thankful for this site and for all of you. IThinkIcan, I think I have become more empathetic by being here too. We truly have a wonderful group of people here. I'll still be coming here for a long time to come, I know that. Even if I fall in love and have a long term partner in the future, I'll still be here.

[poetryandlyrics]

I came to ENA, probably 3 years ago. Mostly a lurker, and reading those posts, even though I don't post much (still don't as much) helped me to realize more of my gut feeling that my relationship wasn't that as healthy and it was best to let it go. Eventually, I built up the courage to break up, simply because I read others' stories and saw similarities. I guess for me, reading this is a way to "wake up! stop denying." and seeing the logic truth in how the world works overall. I liked reading other posts, even when I can't relate. It only teaches me to be prepared of things for similar events/situations. I'm always a highly self-aware person, as I've been told as well. I can be just a bit... Naive, although. I think ENA made me a bit more... Braver. Not that it was a singular cause because my ex and other life experiences did make me braver in a good way, but this did help. I'm the critical thinker sort, is all. I learn by observing (unless it's for manual tasks, I gotta do it). I like the community. It's not really typical of other forums, where it would usually derail itself into some trolling or something.

 

I like posting because it's two-fold for me. To think more fully of those certain things, and that helps shape myself into an idea. Perhaps that's the "doing" part I'm learning by doing, lol. Also, I just like to be a part of a community that it feels its purpose is for a good idea -- of helping people. I like to help, I guess. Maybe that's why people tend to tell me their secrets or whatever. I'm just non-judgmental because I understand the human complex. I like to listen to all sorts of people from all walks of life.

[sonicfan287]

I've been on ENA since the summer of 2010 when my girlfriend broke up with me. I can remember the desperate mess I was in and how I felt compelled to post my sappy relationship story from the beginning, complete with emotional outbursts and exaggerated descriptions, not just on here but on other boards and sites around the web. I don't know what I was expecting or why I thought a lot of random people would read or even respond to my posts on any of the sites but ENA was one that became a valuable resource.

 

What started as a "panic move", just me looking for someone to talk to, turned into so much more and I'm very grateful for that. While my time on ENA in 2010 didn't directly help me overcome my break up (because unfortunately, I was too immature at the time to seriously ponder and consider the advice given to me. I would usually make some bold headed decision that would only send me back to ENA crying with more questions than answers) , I did make a couple new friends who were going through equally painful breakup and those bonds have stood the test of time.

 

It wasn't until 2012 that ENA became more than that for. I would periodically post on different forums within this site for a couple years but in 2012, when this same girlfriend broke up with me again (after reuniting a couple of times), I hit complete rock bottom and confessed things on here that I'd have difficulty even telling my parents and closest friends. It was more than a "pity party" for me though. I laid out steps to improve and tried to help others in the same spot. I became incredibly involved in the "healing after break up or divorce forum" following close to a dozen individual stories of heartbreak and how they had been doing. I saw some of them making the same mistakes I had made and pressed them to do better (not in a harsh way) and saw others I admired for their tenacity and ability to overcome their emotional hardships. I learned from both groups and saw each and every one of them eventually get back on their feet. There was not a single story that didn't somehow end at least somewhat happily, even if it took months or a year or two. I myself journaled my breakup, including many long nights that I can safely say are behind me.

 

I made a couple, even closer friends for whom I am very grateful for and we continue to communicate both on and off ENA.

 

Why do I still post? Because I'm not naive enough to think I "figured everything out" just because I overcame a breakup from 2 years ago (and it took me about a year or so to do this). I am just as susceptible to make the same mistakes again or fall into old patterns of apathy if I allow myself to, so I stay as steadfast as possible, maintain my relationships both on and off the internet and hope for the best because if that's one thing I learned from this site, sometimes thats all you can do. And when you feel you're at your emotional worst, sometimes all you can do is let that happen. Its so tempting and so easy to look for answers and scream out for help but sometimes that IS the answer.

 

Sometimes, the pain leads to something new and when it doesn't, then it's time to stop feeling the pain and press onward. ENA helped me to do that and I remain confident it will help many others do the same, and to not be a part of that would be foolish on my part as I strive to become a better person each day

[happpybear]

I guess I just like to help people, that's why I post. I don't want to be a "taker". I have posted threads seeking help over the years and people helped me. They used their valuable time to read and respond to my posts and I am grateful for that, and so I like to repay that by helping others.

 

I have learned a lot on this sight, there are some very wise and compassionate members on here that have a lot to share. I think it really has helped me to introspect in a deeper way, understand myself better. Also I think it has helped me to become less judgy and more understanding and open. This sight has helped me to better accept myself, and also helped me with regard to building better boundaries, respecting/honoring and staying true to myself and understanding others. I find I tend to see things from my own perspective only, I am pretty guilty of that, I always think "well this is what I would do/say/think so this is what others would do too", so it helps to get different perspectives to help understand peoples motives for their actions.

 

I find I do need to take breaks here and there, it comes in waves. Right now I am taking a bit of a break. I haven't been posting as much and have disabled my PM's. I will soon disappear completely for an unknown amount of time. I'm not disappearing because I no longer find value in the site, but because I just feel a bit tapped-out with the advice right now--I have to focus on my own life more right now, and it's not just this site either, I just rarely come online at all other than to quickly check my email--so an internet break in general really--it's something I need to do from time to time. But I will be back regularly once again, at some point in the future