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This new girl sounds like she has it all. I wonder, why is the ex better? Maybe because you still love her?

 

I guess the bottom line is that no matter how you feel about her, She doesn't want a relationship with you right now. Keep that in mind when you are comparing her with the new girl, just so you don't lose your perspective on things.

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Muneca,

 

Thank you for the post.

 

This new girl sounds like she has it all. I wonder, why is the ex better? Maybe because you still love her?

 

You asked why I think the ex it better. I feel like I should overwhelm you with reasons, but then I think it is a trick question. But ultimately, I do love her and feel, in a way, we cheated our selves when we made the decision to breakup. We should have just told each other we needed to take a break and re-look it in the near future. I feel as if this time away has allowed me to see how I took advantage of her and she feels the same way about how she took advantage of me….i see, after this my first long-term relationship, where I went wrong…after reading several relationship self help books on relationships like "men are from mars" and "love in the present tense" , I have gained an improved perspective on relationships. I "f" 'd up with my ex and I think I could have prevented what happened.

 

Bottom line, I love my ex and everything we had. I believe after this time, that it deserves a second chance, either now or when she is out of this nursing program….i understand she does not want a relationship right now, and I will give her the benefit of the doubt. Can I be her buddy right now? No, due to my strong love for her….I must also share that my sexual attraction to her is immense too. It never faltered in the three years we were together, and I still think about her.

 

So does this mean you are no longer trying to win your ex back? Since you have moved on yourself.

 

I do not see myself anytime in the near future not wanting my ex back, because I feel like there are special circumstances causing her not to be in a relationship with me or as she says, "anyone." If she had been in a normal 9 to 5 job with lots of time and new boyfriends, it would be different story and I would probably get a clue it was 100% with out a doubt over.. Until she is out of school in November, and tells me, "steve, I do not want to be with you anymore." I will not give up trying to win her back, however, I am dating because I do need to move on, incase I do find someone who sweeps me off my feet as my ex did. I need to move on in the mean time to recapture my own reality without her, to grow, and learn to live without her, which is what some say is essential to winning back an ex.

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True love? Or just obsession?

 

When we first started our relationship (my ex and I) she was infatuated with me and my life and all the cool things this Wisconsin girl had never been part of, from my hip friends, cool events, creativity, large family, and genuinely my potential as a future husband. I was crazy about her looks at first, and her genuine kindness. She had great potential and best of all, she really liked me too.

 

Then we hit a rough spot where we both started to pull away (admit tingly, I pulled first). We had opposite hours for a while and it got worse, we both got defensive, intimacy was lost. In the meantime, although I was unhappy, I was also unaware of what I was experiencing and confused to how I could be in such a bad place after being happy for so long….sure, we had our issues that bothered us (she hated my driving, and I was bothered by her anxiety), but they were not interfering with our happiness. Ultimately we started to talk breakup and with her telling me she was moving out, she got the jump on me. I, by that move, was dumped, even though we both broke up in October jointly. "I can't take a chance on our rocky relationship while I am in this nursing program because much to much was at risk, to include her future." "it would be devastating to me if I had to move out half way through the program."

 

You see how the move out and breakup is being partially blamed on the schooling and her need to focus on herself? So, will things change in the future when she is out? I can't bet on it and she will not say one way or the other, but for the longest time since we broke up in October, I wanted her back and basically became someone she did not recognize or simply not the guy she fell in love with….we tried to be friends, and I would want more, starting discussions she didn't want about us and it did not work, so here I am barley in her life getting a call every once in a while. This is how things progressed when she told me she wanted to move out:

 

1. I was in shock;

2. Roomer mill starts dark cloud over relationship;

3. we try counseling which is just overshadowed by the above cloud;

4. she decides to move out and I move in with my sister for a week;

5. we talk and I come back;

6. I help her with her new apt. search, but in meantime, I try to make quick changes;

7. she tells me she wants to rethink the move;

8. dark cloud, dark cloud, dark cloud;

9. she decides to move out for good; drama

10. I help her move, set up new place, we are still dating;

11. I notice she doesn't want me to go to her parents for holiday;

12. things get weird; we breakup

13. I plead and beg and turn basically into a schmuck;

14. we try to be friends with dinner, movies, etc., I want more, we argue; (repeat many times)

15. we try no contact (repeat many times);

16. we try just spending quality time studying, working out, less social things (and I get weird wanting more;

17. now we talk occasionally when she calls with no plans to spend quality time together anymore.

 

What is the next step 18? She stops calling for some reason? (new boy, stops caring, thinks I don't care, etc.)…or maybe I stop answering calls because I found someone?

 

Basically we are in a chopped up version of no contact.

 

Some benchmarks for the two of us as I see it:

 

1. She finishes her tough semester at the end of march and she says she has a tough third quarter too.

2. April is her 27th B-day.

3. July is when our best friends get married…will we go together or with others?

4. August is her next big break of two weeks.

5. November she graduates…….

 

I saw this written and found it interesting : "Couples that thrive together are ones where each partner has an active life, and where they then together share those lives and have fun things they do together as well. They *energize* each other."

 

In a way, by the time she is done with school, she will have everything she wanted since I met her….she will also have her own active life as will i. We will be better candidates as a couple.

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My 2 cents:

 

you ex is keeping you hanging on by using this "nursing school" excuse for why you two broke up.

 

She wants to keep in contact with you but she she doesn't want to commit to being your girlfriend, hence the nursing school reason. This excuse allows her to be single, and makes the break up appear to be for reasons which are not personal so that you don't hate her and so she doesn't totally lose control over you.

 

That way she can keep you close but not too close, exactly how she wants things.

 

No offence buddy, but you need to get through your head the fact that SHE DOES NOT WANT TO BE WITH YOU. If she wanted you she would be with you, it wouldn't matter about the nursing program.

 

Most girls are romantic enough, that if they think they have found "the one" they will make great sacrifices for them. Why couldn't she go out with you and you support her through nursing school? oh she is "too busy", the oldest excuse in the book. We all know what that means.

 

I do not see the nursing program excuse as a valid reason at all. Do you really believe it? Or are you just allowing yourself to live in denial?

 

One of these days she will go out with someone else. What about her nursing program then?

 

If you want to prolong the pain, go ahead, it is your life. But personally I think you are a codependent, or a masochist, or in denial, or just a really really slow learner.

 

Sorry, but life helps those who help themselves. I don't believe you are helping yourself.

 

If I was you and i wanted to change things for the better i would do no contact again. Maybe then you can learn to appreciate this chick you are sleeping with who sounds like she wants you and has alot to offer.

 

Sorry.

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thanks kate,

 

as you see it, it is highly unlikely that my ex will ever fall in love with me again or decide the timing is better for both of us at a later date to give it a second try. according to you, she isn't just focusing on herself right now due to the circumstances, but using nursing school as a reason to be single and do something she has never done in her life (live alone and be single).

 

I don't know kate. i will admit that if the romance was there, she would do anything for us. but, the romance is not there or strong enough for her to try and rescue our relationship while also trying to establish her life and career in nursing. she is being very selfish, but ultimately she is giving her self something she never had while in our relationship (a life of her own) and i even told her while we were together, "you have to stop depending so much on me T. and meet new friends, get a career you love, hobbies, etc."....she depended on me way too much and it was beginning to strain our relationship...she saw that...so, in a way, she has got what i told her to get, i just did not think it would happen without me....she is getting new friends, she will have her own money, career, and a life. she will bring something more to what ever relationship she has next....it won't be the same for her anymore....

 

i have moved on in a way leaving the door open if, when the time comes, if it does, we may be in the right place at the right time again. until then, i have dating, working out, going out socially, new hobbies, etc....but ultimately, i am not ready to give up this thread.....100% yet.

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of course, the move and all while in nursing school could be her way of wanting to keep her options open. will she meet a doctor? will she meet someone other then me that she would want to marry?

 

maybe she will start dating when the timing is right...while in school or after....should i give up? it happens, people return to the person they loved realizing it wasn't greener on the other side....realizing they had everything they wanted....kind of like me....when i broke up with her later, i figured, "fine, i will start dating all these girls who will give me what you don't, etc." .... but i learned it is more then that...

 

i don't know...it is tough either way you look at it.

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as long as you keep the door open for your ex, the door will be closed for anyone else to come through.

 

that is why you can't connect with this other lady.

 

if you wish to hang onto the hope that your ex will come back then that is your choice. But please realise that you are sacrificing your own life in the process.

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I asked if you had moved on because If you were then I would move this thread to " Healing after break up or divorce" but since you not ready to let her go. You staying here.

 

Hey there are plenty of people still hoping to get back with an ex, sometimes it happens, most times it doesn't. I have found that sometimes the ex comes back when you have truly let go. Strange isn't it?? (My ex just called after over a year of not seeing him and when I had finally let go) Ha! Amazing..

 

Yes you should be dating, by the way, does your ex know you are dating?

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Hi muneca.

 

Thank you for not moving the thread. I potentially see this attempt by me to win her love back going beyond November of this year if possible. I say if possible, if she has not found someone and visa versa, I guess.

 

By the way, she called me this morning to let me know her purse (id, cards, checks, a check, cash) was stolen from the bus. I don't know why, but it makes me feel good that she felt calling me was a good thing. I listened, answered some general questions about the thefts and tried to encourage her to get back to studying for the big test she had. She evidently is stranded at home with absolutely no cash to get to school for her test…she is going to the bank now, but with what happened, her account may have been frozen….i went ahead and told her to call me at work if she is in a major bind and may miss the test.

 

You asked: Does your ex know you are dating?

 

She probably knows I am seeing people. She knows I have kind of slept around since the breakup. I have never had a problem finding girls…twice when we went out after the breakup, I was hit on and she saw it happen…she got upset both times…that was back in November…I like the girl I am with now and it could get serious if I let it (but there is a problem) and I am meeting someone new Friday, but right now, no one serious…..the problem with the girl now is that I am still having trouble finishing the job. She is cute and all, but the attraction is not enough to put me over the edge if you know what I mean. But I really like her and what she is about and I find her really interesting…but, I just can't get off….she has got to be feeling bad about this….she gets off, but I don't. she thinks I got off once, but I didn't and I don't want to tell her that…I don't want to hurt her feelings. It's killing me and I am just hoping it is because I am not familiar with her….when with my ex, I never, ever had a problem, rubber or not…even when we first met.

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Yesterday she contacted me and told me a bit about her stolen purse situation. i said i had some information that would help her to prevent identity theft, which i was going to toss in the mail to her.

 

she asked what i was up to and that she was cooking pasta. i said, "the pasta and sausage you always make?" "yes" she said happily. "count me in, but i need to get dressed for improv and then i can stop by for a sec." "don't make fun of how messy my apartment is, because it is still a mess from me trying to find my purse." no proble i told her..."what are you doing tonight?" she asked. "well, i have improv tonight and i am meeting denice for drinks before hand, so i can't stay long." she laughed a kind of nervous laugh and said, "good, because i would have liked to hang out, but i have a paper to get too." (crazy, while i was getting my food, i felt like she was checking me out....kind of a look up and down toward the croutch area......do women do that as us men look at boobs?)...i played with the cats and she was happy to see me do so, and laughed...very happy to watch me with the cats...it seems, my relationship (they love me..) with the cats being the one thing keeping us connected besides what she and i may have...(our picture is still in living room by the way)...we talked a bit about the cat i am supposed to get and she wants me to stick with getting him eventhough it is taking longer then it was supposed to..."he is still a kitten.." she said...

 

i got there (her place looked good and not messy, maybe she cleaned quickly before i arrived) and she gave me food and asked if i wanted a glass of wine. i took it...i finished and told her how good it was and told her i had to run.......before i left, i told her she wasn't going to get a way without a hug....i gave her a big hug and kiss on the side of her head..then left saying good bye...."have fun!" she said....

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Needed to grocery shop and called the ex to see if she needed anything. she was greatful and paid by check...(she has no car and was basically going to be stuck home all week working on a paper and preparing for finals.....

 

in the meantime, i will be meeting someone new tonight. i am entertaining in my home. she is coming with my nephew and his wife (her friend)....she is 30 and has a 3 year old boy.....that does not bother me. right now, it is about our chemistry, and the child factor can come in play later. i look forward to it, and i am told she is very attractive.

 

we will start at my place and play lp's drink, talk and then get some light dinner locally, then hit a favorite bar....

 

saw my shrink yesterday night. she seemed concerned about the number of times i have been going out drinking during the week. First she was concerned about the number of women I had been sleeping with since October….i told her about my problems finishing the job (no ejaculation unless i make it happen) with anyone and that I did not have this problem at all with the ex. She said that I plain don't want anyone else and that I was still in love with her and that psychologically may be what is affecting me sexually…..more time she said…..she also seems to think based on what has been going on with the ex that the ex is still confused about her feelings for me. She pushes then pulls…..then pushes….

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the girl was not for me.....i will leave it at that....atleast i put myself out there.

 

did laundry with the ex saturday....gave her a back rub....

 

sunday i asked her about possibly hanging out for the oscars, but she may be consumed by studies.....we talked and i could sense her irritation on the phone...i told her "hey, i am not so good with small talk with you on the phone"...she replied, "well, i will let you go then." we started getting at it a little and i just said, "you need to get back to your studying" and she said, "okay" and then i hung up right at that point in the conversation without saying good bye..

 

i will not contact her now until sometime before i go to mexico a week from monday....she is going to keep an eye on the new kitten..(maybe)..I thought we might hang out for the oscars, but to me that is off and i will hang with the girl i know and have been dating...she returns from new york tonight. she can come to my place and we will watch the oscars...she wants to see the new kittly anyway.

 

the ex certainly feels me pushing, but she is busy and had told me this, so maybe i should have been more understanding and just told her, that is okay, i will make other plans tonight and taken the pressure off....maybe she felt pressured because it was a planned meeting and we hung out yesterday.

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I cringe when I read your posts because I see you so fixated on her and unable to let her go . I know how you feel, I've been there myself ..just remember yourself in all this. Keep living your own life and doing your own thing. She may or may not come back to you one day but you will kick yourself if you realize you stopped living and were only "existing" until you found out one way or the other.

 

Continue to use this as your personal place to vent. We all need an outlet for our feelings.

 

Hang in there buddy. Hugs

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i called her back.

 

i told her at first, "hey, i just hate it when we are talking and you seem irratated at me or something, like you no longer care. that is one of the reasons i wanted to break up when we did. I mean, if you are seeing someone and/or you want me out of the picture, or you are just plain bothered by me being in your life or wanting to spend time with you, just tell me and be straight with me and i will stop waisting my time."

 

she said, "there is no one else. i wish there was ("I don't", i through in), because that would mean i am not studying every hour of every day." she let me know that she really has no time for comments like, "we are no good with small talk" because when you think about it, i am just opening the door to something else that neither of us probably want to get into..

 

she said."i am just plain too busy and i can't plan my time out with you or anyone...keri does not call me, because she knows i will call her when i have a block of time...otherwise my free time is unknown half the time...i just can't make plans..." "tonight i am probably going to be watching the oscars as i do my homework, so having you over for a pizza would not work."

 

"do you still want me to come by next week and watch the cat?" "yes" i said..."i'm sorry for this T., i just get caught up in it all still.." "the new cat, the trip next week to where we went in mexico, it is all making me feel a little meloncholy for what we had...." "i do understand you are much too busy half the time, so call if you want to talk before i leave, or whenever..." then we ended the conversation on good terms.

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If you read my posts, you'll see that I am a wreck and have had a hard time just getting thru my days.

 

1 thing that I have been good at, is NC. Every time I/you call it sets us back in progress of getting over them and them coming back (if they come back, it will b by their own doing. right now you are just pushing her further away).

 

The more you contact her, the more you are going to get on her nerves, the more she will resent you and think you are needy and desperate. This will hurt your chances of her coming back. STOP NOW.

 

As heart-broken as I am, if my ex called me right now and wanted to be back togther, I would have to give it serious thought.

 

She has to miss you in order for her to want back. Right now, no offense, but she probably rolls her eyes every time the phone rings.

 

I don't mean to sound mean, but it took me a while to figure it out. She broke up with me. I have no real business calling her, despite the fact that she wants to remain friends. Despite the fact that she calls me every so often, I don't take it as an invite to call her the next day...or any other day.

 

I know it sucks, but NC. Get sombody else to take care of the cat.

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I agree with Muneca and Marko. You are becoming too attached. She is your EX.

 

You need to give her time and space to work out whether or not she wants you back. If she is confused then you do not want to be around her. If you want to increase the odds of her coming back, i suggest making yourself scarse so that she has time to miss you and pine for you. If she has any feelings for you at all, this will happen. Is she doesn't pine for you, well then you can get on with your life and know that she doesnt love you the way you love her and then you can work on getting over her.

 

You hang out with her and then ring her the next day. "DESPERATE. Get a life" is what she is probably thinking. As well as "how can i get rid of him?".

 

Even worse you patronise her by telling her to study and yet it is you who interrupts her study. Maybe she would have more time to have you as a boyfriend if you weren't so needy and didn't need to be with her all the time. Maybe the truth of the break up is not that she didn't have time for a boyfriend, as she told you, but didn't have time for YOU as a boyfriend because you are so demanding.

 

Do you have any self respect? Im beginning to think that you just CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT HER. If this is the case then I think you have serious psychological issues (codependency) and i suggest you visit your shrink more often.

 

I thought you weren't going to let her see your new kitten. What changed? You are giving in pretty easily aren't you?

 

What about this new girl you are sleeping with. Does she know of your feelings for the ex? Because i feel what you are doing with her is wrong if you are not at least trying to detach from the ex. You are using her.

 

If this girlfriend of yours is confused then it is probably because she thinks you are too needy and not enough of an independent man. I suggest you develop some backbone and do no contact for awhile. You owe it to the new girl you are sleeping with to try to detach from your ex anyway.

 

Sorry to be harsh but i really think you need to wake up to yourself at this point.

 

Goodluck

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MARKO

no offense, but she probably rolls her eyes every time the phone rings
ya, i think about this....painful really.

 

She broke up with me.
i actually asked for the breakup, but it is me that thinks it was a mistake.

 

KATE111

You are becoming too attached.
I KNOW, it is cyclical, until i break contact again.......she starts to push when i pull, then i push and she steps back.....the dance sucks, but it is mostly me leading.

 

You need to give her time and space to work out whether or not she wants you back. If she is confused then you do not want to be around her. If you want to increase the odds of her coming back, i suggest making yourself scarse so that she has time to miss you and pine for you. If she has any feelings for you at all, this will happen.
Yes, i know, but the time we have together, when it works out, it is special and we are both happy...i just start putting more demands on her time then she has and being as busy as she is, she gets irritated.

 

Maybe the truth of the break up is not that she didn't have time for a boyfriend, as she told you, but didn't have time for YOU as a boyfriend because you are so demanding.
funny you say this, she did say once, she cannot see us getting back together until she knows she has the time to invest in the relationship and that won't happen while she is in school.

 

thought you weren't going to let her see your new kitten. What changed? You are giving in pretty easily aren't you?
she kept calling about it.

 

 

 

What about this new girl you are sleeping with. Does she know of your feelings for the ex? Because i feel what you are doing with her is wrong if you are not at least trying to detach from the ex. You are using her.

the new girl is younger and i am not so sure she looks at me as something long term...not sure.....i am trying to detach from the ex by trying to become involved with someone new, but it just does not seem to be working yet....i know i will not be getting back with the ex until november at the earliest, so dating now seems okay, because if i fall in love with someone new, i will forget about the ex by then....besides, part of getting your stuff together is dating new people and putting your self out there....when it comes to getting into a deep relationship with the new girl, i will be taking that slow, but if she wants to sleep with me now, that is her choice....
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If you are not strong enough to do no contact, then you only have yourself to blame if she loses respect for you.

 

In regard to the other girl you are seeing, remember:

 

treat others as you would like them to treat you and also remember the law of Karma. ie what goes around comes around.

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Yes it's ok to be dating now and putting yourself out there. What is not ok is that you are using this girl as a filler to pass the time until November which is not fair to the girl. At the least let her know that you have not gotten over your ex girlfriend so that she knows what is going on... otherwise she will know she got played.

 

By the way, I doubt that you will fall in love with her or anyone else while you are still so hung up on your ex. You can pretty much discard that idea...it won't happen unless you let yourself and from what you say I don't think you are letting yourself.

 

I don't know if you are trying to convince us or yourself, by quoting the conversations you are having with her, that she is still "into you"

 

This is my opinion : the only way she will want to get back to you in a romantic relationship is if you can still turn her on emotionally and physically. While you are being so pushy with her you are not allowing any sort of longing (or sexual tension) to occur. She knows you are right there waiting and you are probably hanging on her every word. That is really sweet and "safe" but that usually does not create a sexual desire... usually.

 

He who is least dependent in a relationship holds the most power because he does not need the other person to make him happy. He makes himself happy and others are drawn to him naturally.

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He who is least dependent in a relationship holds the most power because he does not need the other person to make him happy. He makes himself happy and others are drawn to him naturally.

 

This is so true. it used to be me with all the power. total role reversal.

 

also, regarding the girl i am dating. she knows of my issues with my ex. she is also enjoying her time with me making it clear that she does not see her self staying in chicago long. the way she talks to me is that, "hey, i am having fun here and i like you, but it is temporary....don't get attached".....well, last night she got off and i didn't again. by the time she did, i just told her i was too warn out and did not want to become monkey boy.....Honestly, considering how many times we did it, sexually, she is using me more.....emotionally as friends, we are there for each other.

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My thoughts put on paper as I vent to all of you:

 

Boy oh boy. I have listened to so many of you and I truly seem to be screwing up. I screwed up in the relationship by being too confident and coc--y, now I am screwing up after the relationship by having a lack of confidence and being needy. What an incredible roller coaster ride it has been too. Since august of 2004!!!! For not just me, but my family, friends, and work associates. Let's not forget all of you..

 

Bottom line, my girlfriend of three years decided she did not want to live with me anymore. Who cares why or what her excuses were, she didn't want to live with me anymore and felt all that we had together was no longer worth holding onto. She does not want me in her life as her boyfriend.

 

She has her own life now and she seemingly wants me to find my own as well, which I have done really. I have always had my own life, which is why she liked me so much in the start….i have plenty going on…..plenty of friends, family, hobbies, fun. She doesn't want me to totally forget her, but who cares why this is. Ultimately she does not want me in her life now or in the foreseeable future as her boyfriend. And that is what I want.

 

So what does that leave me? I could wait until she finishes school in November and see whether or not being done with school will change anything? But what does this mean? That I continue to do what I have been doing, which is looking for every reason to be with her even though it is painful when she can't be with me, or it is only for a short period of time like doing laundry or grocery shopping since she has no car…or a once in a while workout? Do I continue to think about who she may meet in nursing school or a wedding for her cousin, etc.? do I continue to keep her close by being there for her?

 

Although I know in my heart that she does not want me to disappear from her life, I am not at all sure that she will fall in love with me again romantically, which is ultimately what I want. I want a second chance, a do over, an opportunity to make what we had even more special then it was the first time. But these are uncharted waters for me as the three year relationship was once I hit the ten month mark….If I truly did not love her, would I have given up long ago? Is this not a sign of my love that I have continued to carry the torch? She even told me once before she moved out, " it is your turn to start carrying the relationship and keeping it going."….she said this a week or less before she told me she was moving out….do I just let it go now since she is not being supportive? Do I give up and take a chance that she was just waiting for me to give up and would that show her I don't care anymore?

 

I know I can be happy without my ex in my life. I just know that in my heart it was not meant to end this way. Right now the relationship is in cardiac arrest and I have been performing cpr on it for what seems to be an eternity. At what point do I look up at all those who see me frantically trying and trying and just stop. When do I let my loved one go? Will they forgive me for stopping or resent me for not keeping the torch alive when it was handed off to me…

 

I tear up just thinking about losing my best friend for good and somehow failing her. But if she wanted it to happen, or if she wants it to happen at a more opportune time for her, then she will once again approach me as she did the day we met.

 

You told me T. on the very first day we met that you "really really" liked me, we spent every day talking and spending every day together. We moved in together, got pets together to grow old with, we named our future children, we grew together and with our families. We were one. Then, as is with every relationship, we hit a bump in the road…it was only a three month bump, but it seemed to make anything bad over the past great three years come into question. Was it really all that great? I say yes, it was.

 

Now you may want me to move on or start a life without you, I really am not sure, but if you plan on me carrying the torch you handed me back in august without any help from you until a time you may be ready again, I just don't know if I can do it. I tried. I was there for you all the way from the move out, new apartment, trouble in school and now giving you assistance when I can….but what happens when you meet that guy that does do it for you as I did once before? Will you forget about me and our torch? Will you tell me to stop calling or just stop calling me? Will you move and not share your new number? Will we finally part ways when you start your new life as a nurse in the prestigious rush hospital? Or will you remember all I did to help you along the way, from when we were together till the last day I did laundry with you?

 

It is so so difficult because although you may want me to move on, you have made it clear you don't want me out of your life. You are always willing to talk to me and you truly to care and love me, I feel it. But you can't include me in your life right now, because you are too busy with your own. Too busy trying to make a life of your own. Just think, how much better our life could be with you in a normal job, making money, with your own career…..isn't that what you and I were working towards since the day I convinced you to quit your dead-end job and that is when you discovered nursing may be for you. Okay, you had to go off and finish the job alone, but will you revisit us? Did we make the right decision to end our relationship? I say yes to that last question if it was what we needed to get out of the malaise we were in and to give us a chance to rethink our priorities as a couple.

 

Do I stay with it and carry the torch or keep the door open, or do I close this chapter in my life and leave it up to you now? I am told that later is what is should do more often then not…..i love you t., and I think you love me too. You just can't have me in your life and you don't think it is fare for me to wait or put my life on hold…is that your way of saying I really don't love you, move on? Or is it your way of saying you do love me and don't think it is fare me to wait, and selflessly telling me to move on….sure I am a romantic and I want the later. To be true.

 

I guess what I am thinking here everyone that reads this thread, that I am torn. Torn by what I see and don't see in this lost love. I know I must move on and stop calling, but she will call again if I do so and I will be right back into her…I need to go back to no contact and let her do all the work and just plain stay out of her life right now….

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Ok I can see now how you are torn.

 

You still hold the hope that maybe she will come back in November and as long as that possibility is there, you cannot let go.

 

But NOvember is a long time to live in limbo.

 

You need to find out whether she really is too busy for a boyfriend or whether the reason she broke up is more personal and there is no hope of reconciliation.

 

To tell you the truth, I doubt very much that she is too busy. But we will see.

 

I also doubt that you will get an honest answer to this question if you ask her. I can recall a boyfriend of mine who I broke up with because I wasn't sexually attracted to anymore, but I told him I "wanted to experience the world". I couldn't tell him the truth. How can you tell somebody that you aren't attracted to them anymore?

 

But you could certainy ask her the real reason and give it a try if you want.

 

I think no contact is a good start. That way she will stop pushing you away all the time. This is a good way to start. I recommend this.

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Hi there again,

I think it's time to stop looking for a pulse.

 

Honey, your girl hasn't gone anywhere. In fact she is still being friendly with you which is a big deal considering the way other relationships end. I have told you before.... she wants to concentrate on her studies. Let her do that, but while you are backing away don't forget yourself.

 

Maybe you started dating too soon, before you were healed, maybe you can't just break it off and go away--most people can't. What you just absolutely have to do is to stay true to what you want.

 

NC is about healing yourself and getting to a point where you are no longer begging and pleading your ex to get back together with you. Some people need it, others don't. It just depends on how you behave during the break up and how/why the break up happened. In your case I don't think strict NC is needed. You just need to put some space between you guys. Just so you don't overwhelm her and so you can deal with this break up.

 

We don't know what will happen in the future. Look at me getting imz from my last guy after not seeing him in over a year--and I think he wants to see me again. but I don't think this would have happened had I kept calling him wanting to make sure he didn't forget about me. Instead I let it go.

 

Let it go. Let time take over and in the meantime... Do the other things in your life that mean something to you-that don't include her- she may be back or not, but you owe it to yourself to keep on living YOUR life.

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