Leges39 Posted January 11, 2006 Author Share Posted January 11, 2006 I actuall feel or i am beginning to feel as if a load was taken off my shoulders recently with theNC request and i am no focused on my GF again without the "unknown" in the back of my head anymore. Link to comment
kate111 Posted January 11, 2006 Share Posted January 11, 2006 Thats great CP. You will have your ups and downs. You won't always feel positive about no contact (if you are anything like me) but you are moving forward now. Link to comment
Leges39 Posted January 11, 2006 Author Share Posted January 11, 2006 I think as long as i don't see her. and we all know when the day comes that i see her out with another man, there will be more emotions to deal with. i just have to except that there will be. Link to comment
Leges39 Posted January 12, 2006 Author Share Posted January 12, 2006 The GF came to my after IO Class to drink with me and my friends. Very nice of her. She even went out of her way to spend the night with me and we are once again having sexual relations We are going to spend Friday off of work and hang out. Hope the weather is nice. Link to comment
kate111 Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 Thats sounds ace. Keep up the good work. Link to comment
SuperDuper Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 Hey cpxsim, and kate111. You two seem like you know what you're talking about in the ex-gf department. It seems that my ex is coming back since about a month ago, she's going out of her way to speak to me, and hang out with me, talk to me at school, etc..a she made plans for us tonight, and we're going out for o, then to a hockey game together. Today she came up to me in the morning at school and we chatted for alittle bit. Here's the thing, at the end of the day, she didn't come over to me, instead I walked over to her and asked what time I should pick her up.. she said "umm around 5," then I think she said "ill call you". I said alright and looked away, it looked as if she was waiting for someone. When I looked back at her she was on her way to her bus, walking with her ex bf. Who recently broke up with his ex gf. She told me she thinks he's immature, and has sent me a "gross" picture of him, in her words. I dont know how to take this? advice? Link to comment
Leges39 Posted January 13, 2006 Author Share Posted January 13, 2006 to me, it seems as if he is making the moves on her maybe? Link to comment
kate111 Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 Superduper: You can't know what her motives are at this stage. They could be one or more of these: 1. She wants an ego boost and talks to you. 2. She wants to get back with you. 3. She feels guilty about you and is trying to be nice. 4. She wants to be your friend. If I was you I would act nice but don't wait around for her. If she wants to get back with you she will let you know. Link to comment
Mun Posted January 14, 2006 Share Posted January 14, 2006 I actuall feel or i am beginning to feel as if a load was taken off my shoulders recently ... This is a good thing. Wonder how much of that weight was your own self-loathing because the relationship did not work out. I'm so glad for you that you feel better now. Keep going... Hugs Link to comment
Leges39 Posted January 16, 2006 Author Share Posted January 16, 2006 Lot's of sef-loathing, i am sure. not only because it didn't work out, because i really liked her and now i am out a friend. who wants to lose a friend? returned her set of keys today in an evelope in her mailbox today on way to work. Link to comment
healinginnyc81 Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 Hey cpxsim, I have read through this entire post twice in the past month because it is so encouraging to know that what I'm thinking and feeling right now is very normal. It's been really insightful to see how you've progressed and to see the relapses that you've gone through and overcome. It sounds like you've taken a really big step now and I'm really happy for you. Whenever I feel like I have no hope, I'll check back and read this forum and see that you went through the same things I'm going through and you have come a long way since. PS. You and your new gf sound wonderful together. Link to comment
Leges39 Posted January 16, 2006 Author Share Posted January 16, 2006 Thanks BK. Your description of it as a series progressions and relapses is it on the nose. i am happy i was able to help through the recording of the experience - with the help of enotalone of course. Link to comment
darkblue Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 Good step on returning the keys. Has she contacted you in any way since sent her the letter? Link to comment
Leges39 Posted January 16, 2006 Author Share Posted January 16, 2006 Has she contacted you in any way since sent her the letter? no. don't want her to. and i have been spending time with other friends and friends of my girlfriend, so as to not run into her. Link to comment
kate111 Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 You are going very well Cp. Hopefully you will be able to get over her now. Link to comment
darkblue Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 That's great, Steve. Don't expect or want anything from her - and you will not be disappointed. Keeping your time occupied, remembering why you are doing this, finding support - you are doing everything right. Keep it up! Link to comment
Leges39 Posted January 16, 2006 Author Share Posted January 16, 2006 I feel that I am force feeding myself this stuff to help get through it. grrrrrrrrrrrrr! it is not easy. i was trying to get together with a couple that the ex and i were very close with, but it has not been easy. i start to worry that the female of the other couple is delaying it because of her friendship with the ex, but then the ex and her were on the outs according to the ex...so, not sure...the ex did stand up in her wedding and two weeks ago to the ex that she felt weird about going out to eat with me and my new girlfriend when that is what she used to do with the ex...but she told me and my gf that she was looking forward to eating out....so, i don't know what to do...besides to drop the idea and let it happen naturally... this is some of the shi....i am dealing with with some of the friends we are mutual with...read back on the ex's email to me on "questioning loyalty"......that is the same couple. i knew them both first, but she became friends with S of D and S....... so, i am trying to just have a drink with D and then maybe discuss it in passing....but we don't have matching schedules at the moment, so he is checking on a going away party to see if the host minds if i drop in....i have spent a lot of time with these people lately, so it shouldn't be a problem....(will the ex be there? and if so, is that why he is checking?)...just my brain buzzing. Link to comment
kate111 Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 These things will work themselves out in the end. The friends you have do not need to "take sides" as yours was an amiable split. Hopefully your friends will be sensitive enough to pick up the vibe that you need to avoid your ex for awhile for your own mental health. These friends you describe are probably unsure as to what they are expected to do in this situation. You could tell them in confidence that you wish to avoid her for awhile if you like, stressing that it isn't because you don't like her or have anything against her but because it isn't good for your mental health and your current relationship... or (and this is what I would do) tell them that you really don't mind if they are friends with both of you, and that it doesn't bother you at all and then if you see her at a party and can't deal with it leave the party quickly or say "hi" to her and keep walking. Link to comment
curlygirl47 Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 Hey --- I read most of this thread yesterday, and I wanted to join your conversation. I ended up posting my story to the thread by SuperDave that says "Things to Avoid Doing" --- if you get a chance, please read it and tell me what you think about my situation. Thanks so much to all of you for sharing. Link to comment
Leges39 Posted January 18, 2006 Author Share Posted January 18, 2006 A sad day for me. lot's of ex flashes. yuck! Link to comment
Leges39 Posted January 18, 2006 Author Share Posted January 18, 2006 It may or may not be there for you and K. But, and this is a big but, you can never give the relationship a chance with T around. False hopes. It's like holding on to an old car that just doesn't function right. You keep thinking that if you patch this and patch that, things will be different, but the end result is, it doesn't run like it should. The warranty is gone. Build on what you have with K. Give the women a chance. T should not be calling you if it's tugging on your heart strings still. Close the book and continue with what you have now. just a little sister advice i thougt i would share...T has not called since my letter to her, by the way. Link to comment
curlygirl47 Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 I went out last night and had a pretty good time because I sang a lot and because I got a good bit of male attention, but I wasn't interested in any of the men. Still I danced (and missed dancing with my ex, who is a fabulous dancer, and wondered if he misses dancing with me when he is dancing with someone else). Okay, let's not go there. I've made no contact since Monday morning, and I know it's the best thing. I am reading a book called "Forgiving the Unforgiveable" and it has something that I found comforting: Positive uses/outcomes of pain: We find new friends, rediscover cherished values, have new experiences, and develop new skills. "If you could sit outside your own suffering and look at it with complete objectivity, you would see the gains you are making out of your injury. Since this is not feasible, it is at least possible to admit that a new self will emerge from this suffering. You must say, "I want to be better, not bitter." Link to comment
Leges39 Posted January 18, 2006 Author Share Posted January 18, 2006 that was nice curly. Link to comment
kate111 Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 after I had my heart broken I emerged a better person. I'm sure of it. Everybody gets their heart broken at least once in their lives. It adds experience and character to a person IF they learn from the experience and turn it into something to learn from. Link to comment
texasman123 Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 I read almost this whole thread the other day and it was amazingly helpful. I am not used to being the dumpee, and i have had a hard time the past few weeks dealing with the feeling of losing the one person that I ad the most feeling for of anyone in my life. I posted the story in another thread just recently ("is there a chance for me"). everything said here has shown me that a prolonged level of friendship with an EX will only cause problems down the road. you have to just let things go, and only think of getting back if the person comes to you and says "I made a MISTAKE, and I realize this now, I want another shot" - otherwise the contact is moot. I am having a hrd time with this now, but I just wnated to say how great this thread has been... Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.