Is this weird?

[quirky]

To answer your original question, I once wrote a song about my future bf and thought how romantic it would be when I met him to tell him how I was anticipating our union from back then. Unlike you I am quite emotional and cry a lot. But I really relate to fearing loss of control, resisting to appear vulnerable, not being challenged by others, having obscure fascinations and hobbies and not going fully for the kind of guy I want. Main reason being I have no evidence he exists, just hope.

 

I never did anything towards the future though, but maybe I should. I like how you've done that essentially creating a potential future event and person to be in that event. I think what you've done is really cool.

 

I agree with that and I can't believe I will be nagative Nancy here but I would say focus on just the present for now because he might never come We don't know how the future will unfold and how you yourself Fudgie will change throughout the years, even some of the things in that letter will change. Make the changes you want now for yourself and if and when he appears in your life then great. I only say this because I was CERTAIN I would find this kindred spirit and all the personal development and journeys I have been on would make sense but it hasn't happened and I wonder nowadays if it's best to just not dream too much and be more grounded, which you kinda sound like you are anyway. But your letter inspired me and reminded me of a hope I had so thank you Fudgie.

[Fudgie]

I'm sorry you haven't found the right guy, quirky. I don't know how old you are but I don't think you should give up hope.

 

And you're right, he may never come. That is a very real but very sad possibility. I don't believe in "soul mates' though and I think that there are guys out there who would be great with me because they are on the same wavelength and I'm sure I'll meet a few in the future, somehow.

 

All I can really do though is have hope. I can't not have hope.

 

In truth, I do think I met someone in college who was on a similar wavelength. We are still friends. I never saw him as anything more than a platonic friend though because of the vibes I felt. I felt he was really nervous around me and people in general. We talked a lot through the years that I was in college, though I was in a relationship later, he'd eat with me in the hall when he saw me (I ate alone 90% of the time) and we'd talk a lot about literature, politics, current events, philosophy, languages, etc.

We talk occasionally to this day.

 

So I know that sort of connection exists. I would just like to find it with someone that I want to be with, and who wants to be with me.

[bluemoon]

I did this too, but instead of a future husband I wrote it for a friend I had not met. Fast forward a few months and I am now with that same person I had written about, but at the time didn't know I had been writing about them!

 

I think heart-felt letters like this are an affirmation to ourselves and what we value and they open us up potentially for the possibility of meeting such a person

[Batya33]

Maybe the college guy has friends who are on the same wavelength as him?

 

I think it's wonderful to put thoughts on paper. I wouldn't pressure myself to make sure that your future partner would be as enthusiastic about it as you are - I think the writing of it for yourself is perfect and if he loves it too, icing on the cake.

[Fudgie]

My friend is even more of a loner than I am and doesn't have many friends. We have a few mutual ones but that's it. Oh well.

 

I wouldn't know how my future partner would react to this letter until I actually gave it to him. I mean, I know he wouldn't a rude dillhole about it or anything like that because that would be a disrespectful response and I won't be with someone who reacts like that to things.

 

I don't know, we'll see. It's a ways off. I do know that he's out there, in some shape or form. I don't have any "requirements" in terms of mutual interests or looks, so it's anyone's guess really.

[Lorem Ipsum]

I did this too, but instead of a future husband I wrote it for a friend I had not met. Fast forward a few months and I am now with that same person I had written about, but at the time didn't know I had been writing about them!

 

I think heart-felt letters like this are an affirmation to ourselves and what we value and they open us up potentially for the possibility of meeting such a person Someone I knew at work did it, too. She met this guy (who I think she's still with now, we're not in touch, this was over 10 years ago) and found the letter she wrote with all the qualities she wanted in a partner some months after they got together. She had forgotten she'd written it and as she reread it, she was "yep, yep, yes!" to almost everything she had written.

 

So, yes, it is possible that you can write something out that will work as an affirmation. Or, it might just help you clarify to yourself what you're looking for so that you won't be sucked in by someone who's not right.

 

In your case Fudgie, it seems to me that this letter is almost more for you and what you're going through right now than a wish for a future partner. I mean, from what you've written about it, it seems to me to be more of a pep talk to yourself, when you're a different/happier person in a better place in the future and there's nothing wrong with that. One day you may meet this person and maybe they won't believe that you ever went through something like this but sharing this letter with them, if they didn't appreciate it, then they wouldn't be the right person for you.

[RelaxByWater84]

Its not weird at all. I've in the past written to my future husband in a journal. I need to get back on that. You are not the only one who has done that.

[Fudgie]

It definitely was for me when I first started to write it. Now I think I'll share it with someone. Hopefully he'll appreciate it. I definitely am not going to let myself end up with someone who isn't right for me. I am done with that. I only want to be with someone of a similar caliber, if that makes sense. I don't have any real criteria outside of that, so I am open.

 

As weird as it sounds, I don't want to forget what I've been going through. I think someday, this will be just a memory. I will probably always have some physical scars (literally) on me as a reminder of how morbidly obese I was and the surgery I went through to get it under control.

 

I think whoever I end up with will, like me, see that perhaps it was good that I have gone through this because it is making me a better person, even if I've had to suffer some. It is worth it.