Beduldac Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 I was seeing this girl for almost a year starting March 2013. We broke up on 8th of March 2014. Our one year Anniversay was coming up. All of this happened in 2013. On our first date in April, we kissed when I picked her up, later that same day I fingered her in the mall's parking lot and she performed oral on me in the Cinema's parking lot. It was surprising but she was moving fast. She said that was all guys wanted so she did it on the first date. She told me had been hurt so many times, so I was easy on her. Two weeks later we had oral sex before going to an outdoor event. I thought so far so good. In May, I told her I had a female roommate; it seemed like she was ok with it. In June, she brought up my roommate again and tried to put me in the friend zone. Around August, she was out of sight for around six weeks until I talked her into meeting again. I thought things were going well again. In December, she injured her back so the physical so the physical side ended. I got her many gifts for Christmas. We spent New Years Eve together. In January, we were still seeing each other but she kept refusing my advances. I was out of town Valentines weekend, so we celebrated the following weekend of the 22nd. I gave her a lot of romantic gifts like a heart-shaped box of candy, love teddy bear and a heart shaped pillow. I got her parents gifts, too. All she gave me was ordinarly clearance candy. That was the last time I was in her residence. We were still "together." Exactly two weeks later on the 7th of March she had a random date with a guy at work. I meet her on the 8th at DQ, then she mentioned being just friends with the reasons: my female roommate, never seeing my apartment, and me playfully flirting with waitresses. Also, she wanted to enjoy being single and uncommitted. Around Wednesday of that week, he asked her to be girlfriend. She apparently accepted and backdated her Facebook status to 'In a Relationship' as of the 7th. He apparently speaks mostly Spanish. They introduced each other to their friends. He wants to meet her parents. His page as of the 16th mentioned being in love and planning the wedding! (I am not sure she knows that.) She looks so happy now and repeatedly said: She has not been this happy for a long time. When we were "together," she rarely introduced to me her friends and never mentioned me on Facebook. It is like we were never really together in her eyes. I have never been so hurt. I should have broken up with her in June before it got this far. I gave her a year of my life for nothing. It never mattered. I feel used. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Feast Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 I don't think you were necessary used, but this is not the right girl anyway. She jumps into a new relationship fast and gets physical way too fast. The fact she did what she did with you on first date would mean to me that this is not a girl I want a relationship with. She doesn't need to have actual feelings for a guy before getting physical, so this would scare me off big time. Another warning sign: she didnt show you off to family and friends. She didnt see you as a long term BF. let this one go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beduldac Posted March 28, 2014 Author Share Posted March 28, 2014 Thank you for the reply. You are right I should have been scared off after the first date. I guess I was enjoying it too much to think. The sexual activity on the first date should have been a huge red flag. We ran into some of her friends at Walmart, but she never introduced me as her boyfriend. I finally met the woman she called her Aunt (not blood) in January. She had been talking about her since April. I had a few small Christmas gifts for her, too. They all live in the same trailer park. She talked about her family all the time, but she never mentioned meeting her family at all. I never asked, because I thought she would suggest it sometime. She never saw me as a serious boyfriend. The worst part is I developed feelings for her. Judging by how I am handling not seeing her, I must have loved her. I wonder how many of her Exs actually loved her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Feast Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 No problem, women can be highly manipulative with sex. I remember an ex of mine saying its good to have sex at least once a week "to build closeness between us". I remember thinking, really, you have it timed out to make sure I don't start to waver away? That's so romantic. Your exGF is definitely manipulative, it would have not worked anyway. It's good to keep these red flags in mind going forward for new relations, how the GF handles conflict is a big one too. A lot of girls have wild mood swings that scares me know too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beduldac Posted March 28, 2014 Author Share Posted March 28, 2014 I took her to Cheddars for her birthday and got her a DQ icecream cake. It was a lot to spend on her birthday. I took a picture of her and the cake. She put it on Facebook, not mentioning who got it for her. That too should have been a red flag in September. I gave her oral sex before we went out. She did nothing for me. She was probably using sex to manipulate me as well. She got all the gifts I gave her without any reciprocation. Not only that, but also without the sexual part of our relationship it essentially became a friendship. I see it now. In December, she was letting me go without letting me know. I feel so foolish. I found out by looking at her Facebook on Sunday the 16th. She must have known I saw her Facebook, because she made the pictures public. In fact, it looked deliberate. The last picture I saw she was sitting on his lap in her kitchen as happy can be. Everyone raving about how she finally found a great guy. There was no conflict I could see. If something was wrong, she kept to herself. We broke up 3 weeks ago tomorrow. I continued to text not knowing what the situation actually was. I talked to her voice on the 16th when she called and explained how she met a new temp guy at work. She was not intending it to be a relationship, it just sort of happened. Also, how he got her a dozen roses and let her find them in the bathroom. Then, he asked her to be his girlfriend a few days later in the same week. I was floored. She said she would come back to me when it was over. I accidentally called her Monday morning and texted to explain it. She responded like nothing changed. I asked why she did it and she responded: "I wanna see where it goes. Just human." I continued to text until Thursday the 20th when I finally wised up and went No Contact. That was 8 days ago. It still kills me she went on one date 3 weeks ago today and dumped me the next day! She said she still cared for me, how is that caring? This is one reason why it hurts so much more. If she had met him after we broke up, it would have been different. She went on one lousy date and tore my heart out the very next day. To me that seems pretty heartless. I never would have done that to her or anyone else. I am not sure how I could ever take her back without a full apology and explanation. Even then, I doubt I could ever trust her again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Feast Posted March 29, 2014 Share Posted March 29, 2014 You can't have a relationship with someone you don't trust. She told you she might come back to you when she's done with this guy! Screw that. You are doing the right thing with no contact. In time, you'll be at peace with this. Don't let her play you, keep in mind that even If you wanted her back (which you shouldn't), NC is the best approach anyway. You can't let her stomp on you, she'll lose respect anyway. Maybe this will help you too: I have my own bar for proper behavior/the way i live, what's acceptable to me, often others don't recripicate. You gave her nice gifts, you were trying to make her happy, you did the right thing. Don't beat yourself up that you did that. Don't feel used. It's just another red flag right? As far as Facebook pics, a lot of people on here would say that it's unintentional but I don't buy that either. She could have filtered you out on that. I've always thought you don't truly know someone until they break up with you, then you see them as their true selves. She's being hurtful, why would you want this person. Give this a few weeks of NC and you'll feel better, try to get some exercise, and enough sleep, critical. Being sleep deprived magnifies the breakup feeling of loss. Hang in there, your going to be fine and better off! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharky988 Posted March 29, 2014 Share Posted March 29, 2014 OP, I was shocked to see your age listed as 36 because the way you described this relationship, I assumed you were in high school! Seriously, in the future, why not try having a conversation about where you are with each other in terms of commitment, instead of waiting to see what quality of gift you get for Valentine's Day? You never had the exclusivity talk.... instead you relied on outside signals and facebook status to gauge your relationship by. NOT a good idea. Also, just fyi, I know many happily in-love longterm couples who fooled around with each other on the first date. Male AND female. If you think SHE was acting "loose" in that parking lot..... then don't forget that YOU were right there being every bit as loose and easy! No problem, women can be highly manipulative with sex. Really -- ?? Oh, brother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beduldac Posted March 29, 2014 Author Share Posted March 29, 2014 You can't have a relationship with someone you don't trust. She told you she might come back to you when she's done with this guy! Screw that. You are doing the right thing with no contact. I slept through the night last night. You hit the nail right on the head. When she learned my Ex was still living with me in May, she could not let it go. It kept coming up resulting in her first attempt to put me in the friend-zone in June. Her friends and family kept feeding her anxiety. She never really trusted me early in the relationship. Rather than actually saying that, she held back and let it is fester. I was never guilty of anything. No matter how hard I tried, I could not overcome it. She mentioned yet again three weeks ago today on our last date. Her history and trust issues made it near impossible for her to have a real relationship. So many times she told me men used her sex, she had to be a willing accomplice for it to happen. Not only that, she held back on sex because she was afraid of getting hurt again. She had a trail of Exs before I met her a year ago. She is the walking wounded from one relationship to the next. If I had known she was so damaged, I would never got involved with her. We had a good relationship and parted amicably. I would have second thoughts about getting back with her. Her trust issues is what lead to the break up. She would still have the same issues probably with the same result. If she wants to reconcile, the ball is in her court. There is no way I am just going to take her back. I feel like she did me wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beduldac Posted March 29, 2014 Author Share Posted March 29, 2014 Seriously, in the future, why not try having a conversation about where you are with each other in terms of commitment, instead of waiting to see what quality of gift you get for Valentine's Day? You never had the exclusivity talk.... instead you relied on outside signals and facebook status to gauge your relationship by. NOT a good idea. She held back. I was never quite sure what she was thinking. It looks like by Valentines Day she was already thinking of breaking up. What she got me was a bag of Hershey's Kisses and a tub of Valentines corn, not exactly personal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Feast Posted March 30, 2014 Share Posted March 30, 2014 Bed, I think it's great you are recognizing where the problems are coming from. The back and forth quick relationships in her past are telling. Snarky, not trying to offend but SOME women can be manipulative with sex. Since I'm a man it's the only experience I know. I'm sure there are men out there that are manipulative with sex too, but I think women are better at it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beduldac Posted March 30, 2014 Author Share Posted March 30, 2014 When we talked voice on the 16th, she told me she explained her issues to him and had not yet been physical with him yet. If I am her Ex, why was she telling me? While I looking at their Facebooks, it became very clear he did not know English very well. As far as I know, she does not know Spanish. In fact, he replied to their picture post in Spanish. I have no idea how they communicate. 9 days after their first date he was already talking about being in love and inviting people to the wedding. He is in a big hurry. Green card? She said she wanted to see where it goes; I guess she never expected him to be already thinking of marriage. Anyhow, if he proposes, she is probably going to break up with him. She was definitely not looking for that kind of committment. When they break up, it would not surprise me if she contacted me. I am out of the picture until and unless she contacts me first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beduldac Posted March 31, 2014 Author Share Posted March 31, 2014 I did it to myself. Except it was her entire history and not just one guy. When she recovered and felt confident enough, she decided my usefulness came to an end and left me for another guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beduldac Posted March 31, 2014 Author Share Posted March 31, 2014 Of course, it could just be she was a flake and she still has the same psychological problems as before. I hope her new man enjoys them as much as I did I also hope she gets treatment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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