Rhyskie120 Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 Hello, Quick word of warning. This is the first time I've written something like this, so bare with me and i apologize if its poorly written. A week ago i broke up with my girlfriend of three years and it's the hardest thing i have ever had to do. My girlfriend was amazing, we did everything to together and we were the first for everything in terms of a sexual relationship. She couldn't of done more and three years on she was madly in love with me. There's no denying my feelings for her were strong, and i could go as far as saying i did generally love her as well, but something was on my mind. She has had a few boyfriends before me, only young relationship type things and the one before me even lasted a year and a half. But for me this has been my first ever relationship. We met when we were 15/16 and we both have been heavily committed since then. But during the last couple months a voice inside of me has been questioning whether i should be so serious at such a young age. How am i meant to know differently if this is my first time? Should i be spending my young adult life exploring myself before i settle down into such a serious relationship? My girlfriend generally does love me and it breaks my heart knowing i wasn't feeling the same and that uncertainty was getting the better of me. At the end of the day she was my best friend, we did everything together and spent as much time as we could together. And now that's all over because of me. I guess the question i'm asking is, was it ultimately the right decision? Its been a week and i'm miserable, i can't stop crying and i resent myself for giving up on the one thing that generally made me happy just because i was thinking i shouldn't be this serious this young. I miss her and i miss everything that came with being with her and the thought that she i no longer mine is horrible. I broke her heart and i now have to live with it. Was this ultimately the right thing to do? Am i clouded by emotion and should i give it some time before i logically think about what I've done and if it was the right thing to do. I miss her an awful lot, but deep down i think maybe this was the right thing to do and that i should enjoy my young adult life before being so serious, it just sucks knowing how she's feeling and that I've generally lost my best friend. Any advice and comments are welcome. Obviously its my fault this has all ended, i just want to know if i should shake this feeling of uncertainty and try my hardest with her, or if i should leave it how it is, enjoy being single and young and hope that it was the right decision to make. Thank you for your time if you read this, it means a lot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daddids Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 Hello and welcome, The very first things I want to tell you is that since you made this decision, stick to it. Do not regret it and go back to your ex because you feel insecure, whatsoever. Now, I do believe that we have to try different things in our lives. Studies, jobs, hobbies, placed to live, partners etc. You felt that you wanted to try something new and so you made your decision based on that. There is no right or wrong, but staying with a person who loves you and wants to spend his life with you when you dont feel the same is not fair for the other persons side. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhyskie120 Posted March 27, 2014 Author Share Posted March 27, 2014 Hello and welcome, The very first things I want to tell you is that since you made this decision, stick to it. Do not regret it and go back to your ex because you feel insecure, whatsoever. Now, I do believe that we have to try different things in our lives. Studies, jobs, hobbies, placed to live, partners etc. You felt that you wanted to try something new and so you made your decision based on that. There is no right or wrong, but staying with a person who loves you and wants to spend his life with you when you dont feel the same is not fair for the other persons side. Thank you for the reply it means a lot. What your saying is very true, and i do feel like being this young i have many years ahead of me to try new things, make mistakes and learn from them. The only thing I'm really struggling with is this idea that now I've stepped away from it all its kind of made me realize that i do really care for her and that not being with her is not what I want. Admittedly, I myself don't know what i want right now, and that was the main reason for me ending it, as i didn't want to make it worse or string her along. I'm in a difficult place right now and i don't know what the right thing to do is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DancingFool Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 Like there is buyer's remorse, there is also dumper's remorse. Just because you feel it, doesn't mean that you made the wrong decision. The thing is that there will be times when you feel lonely and miss her and that's OK. There is also the reality that the very reasons that you left, the desire to get out and live and explore and learn, will burn up even hotter and brighter the moment you get back with her. Do yourself and her and a huge favor and don't waffle back and forth. Look toward the future, not the past. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MisUnderstood9 Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 These feelings that you had of wanting something more out of life and to explore new things -- this is normal. Every person needs the time to figure out who they are. If you would of stayed with her, these feelings would of just continued to grow and could of caused you a lot of resentment towards her later on. There is no right or wrong decision here. You made the choice based on how you were feeling. You feel bad about it because you care about her and there wasnt really any problems in your relationship.. you just want to be able to figure out who you are as a person. This can be done while being in a relationship, sure, you two could of gone off to college together, travelled together, tried new things together -- whatever, but that would of grown you as a couple, not as individuals. It's going to take time for feelings of loneliness to subsized but, if you don't start going out and doing the "new" things you wanted to do, the feeling that you "made the wrong choice" will only get stronger because you aren't doing anything that you made make the decision to end the relationship. Maybe after a few years of discovering yourself, the two of you will find your ways back to eachother or maybe you will grow in another relationship that you love more then this one. Right now it doesn't seem possible because it's only been a week... but a year, two years, 3 years from now you'll be able to see a lot more clearly on what it is in life that you are truly seeking. GL out there and be strong, the feelings of guilt and loneliness will fade with time -- you just have to hold on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ainsley Adams Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 Hi Rhyskie, Firstly, thank you for sharing, because I am in the SAME boat as your gf, almost to a T (with the exception of "first sexual everything") My boyfriend of nearly 2 years broke up with me last week.. for well, basically the same thing you have said, without actually "saying it." This has been the HARDEST week for me, but I came to one conclusion. I would rather him have loved me, left me & lived THAN love me, stay & hold regret later for not exploring his life, fulfilling his dreams and doing anything/everything one needs before settling down. He was my best friend (is I hope? time will tell) I think you did this for a reason. I know you didn't want to intentionally hurt her, and in the long run if you use this time to do what YOU need to do, it will have been for the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ainsley Adams Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 Hello and welcome, The very first things I want to tell you is that since you made this decision, stick to it. Do not regret it and go back to your ex because you feel insecure, whatsoever. Now, I do believe that we have to try different things in our lives. Studies, jobs, hobbies, placed to live, partners etc. You felt that you wanted to try something new and so you made your decision based on that. There is no right or wrong, but staying with a person who loves you and wants to spend his life with you when you dont feel the same is not fair for the other persons side. I just wanted to say thank you for your reply. Given what I am going through, reading this has brought me some much needed clarity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ainsley Adams Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 Wow, THIS has literally changed my perspective of my break up. I love this- thank you. Thank you Rhyskie for posting, this has also helped me... SO much... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhyskie120 Posted March 28, 2014 Author Share Posted March 28, 2014 Wow, THIS has literally changed my perspective of my break up. I love this- thank you. Thank you Rhyskie for posting, this has also helped me... SO much... Hello, i'm so glad this forum has also given you some resolve with your own problems. Obviously its a shame whats happened, but i'm glad sharing my own feelings and getting clear and helpful replies has also helped somebody else deal with they're problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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