leyla567 Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 After splitting up with my ex of one year in September, I slept with someone new but it was only a one-night-stand and he began dating someone. Then, in January, when he had split from this girl we began to sleep with each other again. The first few times he came over, we'd have sex then I would call him a cab. Then he began sleeping over, we were seeing each other maybe 3 times a week and we would cuddle in bed and have in-depth conversations about lots of different things. He's met my friends, I've met his, a lot of people have asked if I'm "seeing him" (to which I've said no). I would cook for him, he would make me laugh and call me "babe", we'd go home together after nights out. In the last couple of months we spent a LOT of time together. We had a period of about three weeks where we didn't see each other privately, as he has had a lot of different things going on and so have I. Every time I would ask him to come over, he would say he was busy/tired. Eventually I told him that I wasn't going to ask anymore, that I care about him and he's my friend but that I couldn't deal with his constant mood swings. 3 days later, we saw each other out where he took me aside and told me that he didn't know how to reply to my message and that he had wanted to come and see me. He then came over 2 days after. We cuddled and kissed and generally had a nice, comfortable time. I then asked him to stay over on Monday, but he was blunt and moody and told me to "leave him alone". I didn't respond and the next day I received an apology, to which I told him I understood and not to worry about it. My problem is, I've started to develop very strong feelings for him. I think about him most of the time, and if I was given the chance then I would want to be with him. Do I tell him how I feel and risk rejection? Does anyone have any tips on how to turn a FWB situation into something more? Help! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 You tell yourself that since you're comfortable having your sex partner inside of you you should be comfortable asking him if he would be interested in having a proper relationship with you. Your timing is a little curious since it sounds like he's pulling away at this point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GinNJuice Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 You're a rebound. Interest is starting to wane. You'd be a fool to pursue a relationship with this guy. You may have been the only person he was seeing when he broke up with his gf, but I seriously doubt you are now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realitynut Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 That's what happens. Ya have sex. Ya start talking. Ya cuddle. Feelings form. He sounds moody and isn't as attached as you are. Tell him what you told us. Just say that you've become attached to him and feelings developed. Then it will be up to him to tell YOU whether he wants to continue or not. He may say he developed feelings for you too....or he may not. Sounds like he's pulling away....or just a moody kinda guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 He is done with the FWB --- right when you have shown more feelings....which I am sure he sees. Its' over. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MisUnderstood9 Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 Sounds to me like he is pulling away and sees this as a convience more than anything else. I highly doubt you are the only person he is seeing and I am sorry to say that but it is what happens when you give the milk away for free (if you know what I mean). Only thing you can do is tell him what's going on and wait for his response, however, if he is this moody now -- how moody of a person could he be if he were a bf not just a FWB? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lavenderdove Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 If ever anyone told me 'leave me alone', i'd leave him so alone he'd probably never hear from me again. seriously, he was hot for the free booty calls, but doesn't want any accountability/responsibility/obligation to be your BF or even to be polite to you if he's not in the mood. he doesn't want the booty calls to end, but he doesn't want to date you either. if you want to be really sure, you can ask him point blank if he wants to start dating you and be your BF again rather than just a booty call, and see what he says. It is better to be rejected than to keep wasting time and heart on someone who isn't really interested in the same thing you are. And something important to note: Your seeing him more makes you feel more attached and to want to see him more. Him seeing you more makes him feel crowded and he tells you to leave him alone if you've seen him recently. So that is a CLEAR indication he really doesn't have the same feelings you do, in fact, he doesn't want to see you all that much, only when he's in the mood for a booty call. So he's definitely not in love or going there, in fact the opposite, where he gets sick of you if he spends too much time with you. Hard realization, but that should tell you where his head is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amipushy Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 All he sees a clingy FWB with her feelings creeping up on him, such a turn off for a man who doesnt give a monkeys ass about someone who was supposed to be just a bit of fun. End it before he does. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 To each their own, but I'll never understand how someone can easily give free access to their body, yet at the same time they're unable to express their feelings or ask where they stand. Either way, as others have said, it does sound like he's backing off, which usually happens sooner or later in a FWB's situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsallgrand Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 I don't understand why you think this guy is your friend. He's a guy you have chosen to screw on a more regular basis, and are starting to get attached to. But that doesn't make him your friend. Just someone you are coming to depend on to meet your needs. Maybe it's time for you to be single without any men in the picture for a while. Get over the ex, and the attachments, and regroup yourself to figure out what you really want (at the end of the day). If given time away from the sex with this guy, and the cuddling, I doubt you would chose him for a relationship. It's just the chemical high you are after. You don't turn FWB into anything else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadgirl23 Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 I had the same thing happen to me recently. Even the "leave me alone part". I would ask him point blank and be prepared to accept any answer which he gives you. He surely knows that you've been asking and he's been telling you to leave him alone. I find that unacceptable. If you are brave (prepared to cut ties) you could also just leave him alone (cut contact -and don't warn him of it). If he comes to you -play his game. Brush him off. Then tell him to leave you alone. HA! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iggles Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 To each their own, but I'll never understand how someone can easily give free access to their body, yet at the same time they're unable to express their feelings or ask where they stand. It's a mystery to me as well! Having sex in hopes of getting into a relationship makes one very vulnerable to rejection.. There will always be a larger number of men willing to have sex with a woman than there are men willing to commit to the that same woman, because the bar is lower for hook ups! Meaning, a casual sex guy would happily have sex with a girl he wouldn't find compatible for a relationship (for example, he could never date a smoker, but he's fine with banging a chick who smokes). Therefore, trying to turn a casual sex partner into a boyfriend is a risky strategy for women to employ, if having a committed relationship is indeed their goal! Catching feelings for a FWB or f*ck buddy has a low rate of working out (~ 10% maybe..) And something important to note: Your seeing him more makes you feel more attached and to want to see him more. Him seeing you more makes him feel crowded and he tells you to leave him alone if you've seen him recently. So that is a CLEAR indication he really doesn't have the same feelings you do, in fact, he doesn't want to see you all that much, only when he's in the mood for a booty call. So he's definitely not in love or going there, in fact the opposite, where he gets sick of you if he spends too much time with you. Hard realization, but that should tell you where his head is. ^^ This is spot on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lerenard Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 I can agree that you seem like a rebound to him. And now he is done healing and while he sees that you developed feelings for him he tries to stay away. Let him go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 I had the same thing happen to me recently. Even the "leave me alone part". I would ask him point blank and be prepared to accept any answer which he gives you. He surely knows that you've been asking and he's been telling you to leave him alone. I find that unacceptable. If you are brave (prepared to cut ties) you could also just leave him alone (cut contact -and don't warn him of it). If he comes to you -play his game. Brush him off. Then tell him to leave you alone. HA! I don't think he is playing a game by asking to be left alone -that seems pretty direct. I think the OP was playing games with herself by telling herself she was ok with the casual arrangement when she really wasn't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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