How to cope with girls who keep asking, "Why?" to all your questions?

[R3d Anonymous]

I can't stand girls who do that. Because, me not having much experience with this whole talking to girls thing, it's already not easy for me.

 

Today, I went up to this cute girl and I was like, "Hey, how are you doing?" and after she responded I asked what her name was (I have been taking that route lately so I can follow up with a handshake because that's just my way of doing things, which I might have to change after what happened today), and she smiled and in a teasing way asked, "Why do you care?" I was like, "Why not?" and she was like, "I don't know," and then I just left.

 

I can't STAND girls who do that ****. Because making conversation for me is already hard enough and I can't cope with girls who test you like that - "Why do you care?" "Why?"

 

Like seriously, why do you ask us that?

 

Anyway, HOW do I cope with girls like this? This is basically my biggest fear when talking to girls. I always feel like they are thinking, "Why is this dude talking to me?" and today that fear came true and she just right out asked me.

 

 

And please, if you're a girl and you do this ****, stop.

 

I am 16, by the way, for those of you that don't know, so I am sorry if I sound really inexperienced...because I am.

[mhowe]

She is asking "why" you are introducing yourself to her.

 

There should be an answer to that beyond "why not".\

 

They are thinking that --- you need to prepare an answer.

 

You really should think about an anger management course.

[Batya33]

People sometimes ask why because they do not want to give out information without knowing why they are being asked. So I agree, have an answer ready in case that is not "why not". Nothing to do with gender.

[R3d Anonymous]

I honestly think I messed that up again by asking for her name so early, so that might have been why. Oh well, I am probably going to mess up a lot. Trial and error...I know I suck at this, but hopefully after falling down enough times I can get better at it...

 

But anyway, yeah. The problem is that there really isn't an answer to that...besides that I am just making conversation.

[R3d Anonymous]

Jad T Jones says that we should just not think about what we’re going to say and stay present in the moment, and to get out of our heads, because that’s the best way to establish a connection with girls.

 

The problem is, when I do that, I mess up like I did here by asking for her name too early, and come off as creepy. That’s just how I am...if I let my true self out, lighten up, and not really be self-conscious about what I am saying...I come off as straight-forward and strong.

 

So I am asking here...should I continue to just not think about what I am going to say even if it means coming off a little strong/creepy, or should I go back to carefully thinking about what I am going to say.

[DancingFool]

Ugh....you seriously need to lighten up and please do get out of your head. She asked why - it's not a literal interrogation, it was an opening for you to have fun and be flirty. You could have smiled and said "because you are cute" or "because you are watching my favorite team play" or something silly or situational and been fun and flirtatious with her. That's what opens people up to talking to you and bantering back and forth.

Instead you got weird on her, pitched a fit and stomped off - now that part was the bad part. I bet she was left staring after you with wide eyed wonder thinking "wth just happened? what's his problem?".

[CeeLambrini]

Maybe bombarding her with a string of questions isn't something she enjoys experiencing so decided to call you out and cut to the chase. Try answering the question.

Her: "Why do you want to know my name?"/ "Why do you care?"

You: "Because I'd like to know what to address you as next time I see you, I'm R3d Anonymous by the way"

 

If she is smiling in a teasing way then respond in a teasing way. If she is rude and uninterested then walk away. I don't think that particular girl was trying to fob you off though, I think she was trying to keep it playful. You are the one that went off in a sulk

[Batya33]

How about instead of asking the person's name so early on ask something more interesting and less personal?

[R3d Anonymous]

How about instead of asking the person's name so early on ask something more interesting and less personal?

 

Because that would also be creepy - just asking a random person that you don't even know a random question.

 

It's just the beginning I have trouble with. And it's because I have nothing to talk about, but if I could just get the ball rolling for once, I would do so much better. And no, it's NOT because I am nervous. I used to feel like I am going to pass out before going up to a girl, but now, I don't feel that anymore. Nervousness is not the issue. Now, literally, the problem IS that I have nothing to talk about. Any question I think of, she will probably think, "Why is this random dude asking me that?" which like I said is my fear - girls asking why - because I already have trouble coming up with stuff to ask and then they just reflect all your effort to think up a question to ask with a lazy "why", which gets frustrating. A lot of girls don't actually do that, but some do and it's frustrating.

 

This is why, I just resort to introductions FIRST, because I personally feel more comfortable doing all that first (exchanging names and shaking hands). Shaking hands with a girl is something I like to do personally (I didn't get there though with my last interaction). I do this because I feel like it will be less awkward to ask an actual question after this stage.

 

The last time I talked to a girl before her, this approach actually went well. So it also depends on the girl it seems. It seems like no one approach will be a "one size fits all". Some girls will think your approach is creepy, while others will like it. Is this true? That's the conclusion I came to - that you can't satisfy everyone with one approach.

[CeeLambrini]

Maybe a little further into the conversation, say "I'm -your name- by the way, what's your name?".

It's not good for all the time, but sometimes giving them your answer before asking them the question, such as telling them your name first, will make them feel more at ease in answering. Other examples;

 

"I'm finding this maths coursework really difficult, what do you think about it?"

"I really like this band, are you into them?"

"That was the worst play of the game, I'm surprised they got away with it. Did you see that?"

 

It is more conversational than throwing a line of questions their way. It will also open the door to the conversation developing further. eg

Her: "Yeah I really hate maths, but the teacher is willing to help me after class, try asking her"

You: "Oh really, maybe I should, thanks for the tip!"

 

Anyone who thinks "why is this random dude asking me that" seems really snarky and stuffy. Like I said in my last post, the way you describe this girl seems like she was just being playful and hoping for you to respond in a similar way.

[Batya33]

I've been meeting many new people in the last year (in a different context -I am a full-time mom and I meet other parents at different places, playgrounds, museums, etc.) and very often we don't exchange names right away -sometimes at the end of the meeting and sometimes not at all unless we're going to make a plan to see each other again. Questions are not creepy as a category -depends what the question is. You could ask about a book the person is holding, or what she thinks about the weather that day, etc.

I cannot stand shaking hands especially with a stranger. I don't want to think about all the germ-spreading and I usually have a purse with me plus a bag of stuff for my child so it's awkward. I do it but never initiate.

 

I would stop referring to these adults as "girls" - it's better for your mindset to remind you that these are adult women who you are trying to get to know. Would you like it if she said "I'm glad I met you -you're a nice boy".

If you feel like you have nothing to talk about pursue more outside interests and do more interesting reading.

 

Good luck!

[Seraphim]

Maybe because they are 16-year-old girls and they are inexperienced too? 16-year-old girls can be just as dopey a 16-year-old boy.

[R3d Anonymous]

I suck at on-the-spot wit, and always have, another problem of mine.

 

I can't just "prepare" an answer so quickly like that.

 

I bet mhowe is thinking, "There's no hope for this kid."

[mhowe]

What mhowe thinks is irrelevant.

[R3d Anonymous]

 

 

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[CeeLambrini]

I have to admit, I just gave Jad T Jones a google, and watched a bit of one of his videos. Alright, not bad, I suppose. However, he uses language (a powerful tool) such as "get her to like you", "it works", "girls are the passive sex, it is the guys JOB to make the first move" etc. And I get what he is saying, but the choice of words may lead you to take these sorts of things the wrong way. My advice - take it in with a pinch of salt. The fact is, we are not all the same beings with the same trigger words and tactics that will get us to like a man. We don't have cheat codes, we're not all conspiring against men to "unlock" our magical pin code with the secret password.

I think this guy is good for getting your confidence up, and allowing you to feel more relaxed when talking to women. But, for example, his first "scenario" described going up to a girl and saying "I find you interesting/ I want to get to know you" and he is adamant that this will work. Well, it might. It might not. I know for me, it wouldn't. I even find that approach too aggressive, even though he states it isn't. This tactic would personally put me off as it would be quite possible that I was in the middle of something, a conversation with a friend, reading a book, enjoying some time to myself, working on my assignment etc so that if a person simply came up to me and expected my attention and respect just because they said "I find you interesting", I would immediately be put off. However, in a different scenario, if a girl had spent the last 15/20 minutes making eye contact and smiling at you, it would probably be a better opportunity to approach her with that attitude.

 

Keeping it genuine is the best thing he repeats over and over again. It has to be genuine. You have to be enjoying the moment in talking to her, not worrying about the outcome and what is going to happen next.

[R3d Anonymous]

This may sound stupid to ask, but I was wondering, should I try again with her when I see her? Because Wikihow apparently says that one conversation a lot of times won't make it or break it. So I was wondering, should I still try again with her, or wast that really such a huge blunder on my part that I am done?

 

And if I still can try again, how do I go about it?

 

And please, what do I do about my ****y conversation skills? Especially the lack of on-the-spot wit. Am I going to have to just keep trying and failing a number of times so that I eventually get more comfortable with this?

 

EDIT: Wow, now that I think about it. I really was an idiot. She could have been inviting me to flirt, and I just...wow. Like I said, I am such a fail at this. Though the problem was I didn't know what to say, because like I said, I am bad at on-the-spot wit.

[DancingFool]

No, I don't think you should try her again. I think you need to put this one behind you.

 

However, practice is the only way to learn. Socializing, chit chat, even on the spot wit is a learned skill. Basically, with each failure you are learning something important. Like now you know that "why" is pretty much an invitation to flirt and banter.

 

As for what to say on the spot or how to start something - look at the situation and practice not just on a girl you want to approach but on people at large. Like someone is reading a book next to you - ask them about it. You'll find that most people will be happy to tell you all about that. I mean even something as mundane as weather can be a conversation starter. What you have to get out of your head is this whole "it's creepy" because you have a really bad misunderstanding of what that is. So let me illustrate:

 

"wow look at those boobs - are they real?" - creepy

"hey I have a huge penis - wanna see it?" - creepy

"you are so hot, I bet you are experienced in bed" - creepy

 

"Hi, I'm Bob." - NOT creepy

"Hi, mind if I ask what you are reading?" - NOT creepy

[R3d Anonymous]

I think it's because especially the girls on Yahoo! Answers seem to be really sensitive to creepiness (and I use Y!A a lot for this kind of stuff too), and one of them said it was creepy for me to ask for her name like that and they think it's creepy to ask for a girl's number after the first conversation. There are other examples too, though I can't think of anything specific.

 

Jad T Jones said that if a girl is sort of wondering why you're talking to her, or even right away if you want when you first go up to her, you can say something like, "I saw you from accross the room, and I thought you were cute, so I had to come say 'hi'," or anything like that that comes to mind. Is that creepy? Apparently, to some people on Yahoo! Answers, yes it is.

[Realitynut]

In a nutshell.

 

That answer is NOT creepy if the girl then is interested in you.

 

A girl will only think it's 'creepy', if she is NOT interested in you.

 

Watch her body language. The cute girl looked coy and said 'why'? That was continuing the conversation...or hoping.

 

If she was rude and uninterested she would look bored or disgusted, and said, "why...." and walk away.

[R3d Anonymous]

Alright thanks, and well...this was disappointing.

 

But wait, so you're saying I can still say that - just that I should watch her body language after that to decide whether I should continue or not?

[DancingFool]

Here is the thing - you can't please everyone at all times and that's OK. You just need to please people you would actually get along with and one way to weed out the wrong ones if by how they react.

 

When it comes to reading things online, take it all with a HUGE grain of salt. You really don't know who is posting, not even here. Some people genuinely want to help, some have their own major issues, some are trolling or deliberately want to mess with people's heads, etc. Please do yourself a favor and get away from the "creepy" notion. There are things that are creepy, but introducing yourself by name is not one of them.

 

I am sure there is a woman out there who might spit on you and punch you in the nose for opening the door for her. Does that mean you deserved it or were in the wrong or should never open doors for people again? No. It just means she is mentally and socially deranged. You didn't do anything wrong, so don't take on other people's issues and adopt them as your own. Shrug it off - crazy people will do crazy things and sometimes you might cross paths with them. Can't be helped.

 

Instead of worrying so much how you might be perceived, remember that you are also doing the choosing and focus more on that. You see a cute girl, go say hello to her, but she is being rude or curt. Well, she might look cute, but she is not a nice person, aka not good enough for you. So you drop her like a rock and move on. You hold just as much power as whoever you are trying to approach. Basically, have fun with it, don't take yourself too seriously but keep your eyes open for rudeness. Most women actually do appreciate very much the guts that it takes for a guy to approach them and actually want to like you. Even if they reject you, they are still impressed with you. Of course, there will always be rude entitled princesses out there. Again, don't make them your problem - recognize that they are the problem.

[R3d Anonymous]

I think that's what the issue has been with me all along. I have been trying to please everyone and I kept incredibly overthinking everything.

[CeeLambrini]

Instead of worrying so much how you might be perceived, remember that you are also doing the choosing and focus more on that. You see a cute girl, go say hello to her, but she is being rude or curt. Well, she might look cute, but she is not a nice person, aka not good enough for you. So you drop her like a rock and move on.

 

This is what I was going to say earlier but I didn't quite know the words. OP, once you have been "accepted" by a girl no matter how you have approached them, it is no longer your sole "job" to impress her. Don't see her behaviour as rejection if she is rude to you. If she is rude to you, she is therefore a rude person and you don't want to date a rude person. Keep that sort of thing in mind if you are treated badly. This is what I was saying earlier though about what Jay whatsit said "get her to like you". She will already know if she likes you or not, you can't try and make her feel anything. Just be yourself afterwards, there's no need for any more tactics once you've approached. It is then up to both of you to impress each other, not just your job. If you don't like her attitude or reply then there is nothing wrong with walking away.

[icecreamaddict]

You should not be taking relationship advice from Yahoo Answers or Wikipedia... If you are having trouble approaching girls, you just need to get more comfortable approaching people. It takes patience, practice, and time.