Chuckyd123 Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 They say after a breakup (which I'm still not close to over) you need to cry, think about the old times, play said music and let it all out for a part of the day as part of the healing process. Sometimes when I do this I feel worse and almost feel the need to contact. Is there a point when letting it all out is counter productive to healing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CraigHowes Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Hello and welcome. First off I'm sorry for the pain your experiencing. I'm not sure what you've been told but this is bad advice. A break up is like breaking a drug addiction the brain releases powerful chemicals due to the rejection side of the break up. Your brain wants to fight this as it doesn't like change. This is completely natural. The key to what you should do is to feel these emotions and thoughts but do not judge them and act on them. This is the brain in panic mode trying to fight to solve the situation and it will fade. The best thing to do after a break up is self evaluate to see what went wrong and to find out if there's anything you need to work on for your next relationship but also to take them off the pedestal too and realise they had flaws and aren't perfect. Do things that make you happy go for a walk, socialise with friends, take it out in the gym. It's time to rebuild your life ready for the next chapter. This includes quieting your ego and becoming more in tune with your spirt. Try to find peace and happiness within yourself and know with time you'll be just fine and someone will come into your life that makes your ex seem like nothing. I know this all seems like rubbish at the moment but like I said at the beginning your brain is running wild and rewiring you've got to allow it time to adjust. be kind to yourself and learn to love yourself and most importantly stay NC!. I wish you all the best on your journey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chuckyd123 Posted March 25, 2014 Author Share Posted March 25, 2014 Thanks Craig Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ParisPaulette Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Is there a point when letting it all out is counter productive to healing? Yes, when it makes you feel worse. Letting it all out is supposed to be cathartic and if it isn't then it's not what you need to be doing to heal yourself. Most of the time I think one needs to balance the two things--i.e cry and let it all out maybe in the early stages or first thing in the morning, then get up and go out and get busy. And "letting it all out" means different things to different people. Personally I hate to cry, I always look and feel so much worse afterwards. For me physical activity is a much healthier way to deal with loss and grief and anger and I go punch it out on a gym bag or a run or ride my horse. You want to come away feeling refreshed and lighter, not sodden and worse. And listening to sad songs is always, always a bad mistake. Something that is hilariously pointed out by the late great George Carlin. I couldn't find the routine or I'd have posted a link, but he does a bit about how bad love songs are to listen to during a break up. Anyways find what makes you feel better, not worse. That's the key to really healing and moving on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chuckyd123 Posted March 25, 2014 Author Share Posted March 25, 2014 Anyways find what makes you feel better, not worse. That's the key to really healing and moving on. Thanks Paris Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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