rvieux Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 I don't know what to write. I'm hurting because my wife treats me horribly. We have an 8-month old son. I need someone to talk to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oitnb Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 How does your wife treat you horribly? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rvieux Posted March 25, 2014 Author Share Posted March 25, 2014 Yeah sorry I'm not good with writing my feelings or describing situations. She just told me to go sleep downstairs, and then she said she wished she never married me. She's angry most of the time, she just said that if we didn't have a kid she wouldn't stay married to me. Everything is complicated I don't know what to write or where to start. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oitnb Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Yeah sorry I'm not good with writing my feelings or describing situations. She just told me to go sleep downstairs, and then she said she wished she never married me. She's angry most of the time, she just said that if we didn't have a kid she wouldn't stay married to me. Everything is complicated I don't know what to write or where to start. It helps to let it out, even if your writing doesn't exactly make sense or look pretty. Has she only been angry since she gave birth? It could be post partum depression. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rvieux Posted March 25, 2014 Author Share Posted March 25, 2014 Yes it does help to let it out, thank you. Yes, she very much could have some sort of complicated post partum depression. She's very different and we've been seeing a counselor and she's on 2 new medications, on top of her old one. She initially bravely went to see a counselor becuase she admitted she wasn't acting or feeling right, but now she's too cloudy, nothing's working. So she is definitely not herself at all, so much that I miss her even though she's there, you know? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lester Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 How long have you been married? Could you say you were compatible before marriage? Was it a trapped marriage? From October 2013 and back; What were some of her complaints about you? Helpful hints: Hoping/wishing for her change is no different than saying, 'I want to be divorced.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rvieux Posted March 26, 2014 Author Share Posted March 26, 2014 Lester, 5 Years. Yes. No. Her complaints were that I'm an a-hole, i'm mean, i'm a jerk, stuff like that. I don't get your last sentence. I don't want her to change, she already has changed due to the medication. I want her to be back to herself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1a1a Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 Not sure what to advise regarding your wife, but want to check, do you a Team You? Close friends or family that can hear your worries and troubles and give you support? Or even just hang out with you and do things you both enjoy? If you don't, it could be worth while seeking one. Especially if you are going to stay with your wife, you need some other people around you, I think, who like you and want to hang out with you. Because she is being mean, you wont get any validation from her, having friends around who value your company will help you stay strong. In my experience, being with someone who wants you gone (even if it is just their depression talking) is more demoralising and lonely making than actually being alone. (If you have no Team you, all the usual advice about doing self care and taking up a hobbie or studying a course where you might be able to meet some friends applies). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lester Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 You said, “I don't get your last sentence. I don't want her to change, she already has changed due to the medication.” - Was she on the medication back in October 2013? If not, she's most liking getting help and on meds because of your unloving ways. There are several reasons why I said, “Hoping/wishing for her change is no different than saying, 'I want to be divorced.'” - Nowadays everybody just wants what they want now. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way with wives. She needs a loving husband to help her through her rough times. If your unloving ways are cause of the distress, wishing her to put back on a happy face while in quiet misery is just more of you being a mean jerk. She can't sustain that farce and it's why so many like you end up divorced. That said, Do you love your wife and are you willing to change into a loving husband to save your marriage? If not, keep trying to change her back and begin your search for an attorney. (Your going to need him very, very soon!) If yes, what are your ages… kid too? Helpful hint: A husband’s unloving ways are the major source for most wives "issues." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
avman Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 I don't think there's anywhere near enough information here to conclude that the OP is unloving or has in some way caused this situation. This could be the result of a whole variety of things. From the stress of having a child, to postpartum depression, a bad reaction to medication, an affair on either part, or even just a rough patch which is very common in any marriage. rvieux, I think the goal for you right now is information gathering. Listen to what she says. When she says you're mean, ask her if she could please give an example of what she means by that. Are there specifics that she can point to? Or is it just an overall feeling she's got? I definitely think that marital counseling is in order here. If you don't understand the issue then it's impossible to fix. And you lose nothing by at least trying. You have a young marriage and a young child. It's certainly worth a shot to try to repair whatever the issue might be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitezin65 Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 Agree with Lester. Your wife is going through a difficult time and needs you to be supportive. Has she tried different medications or doctors to treat her depression? Sometimes all that's needed is a dose adjustment, or she might need a different medication all together. One bad thing about psychiatric drugs though is that some of them can take a month or more to flush out of the body, so it take time to get things right. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mesemene Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 When you said she "changed" after taking the medication - did it make positive changes to her behavior, or just change it a bit in other ways? If it hasn't helped in the RIGHT ways, and is clouding her perception - if her current counselor hasn't considered that, you're going to have to do some of the legwork, because her mental and emotional state just might not let her do it effectively. See if you can get a referral to a psych in your area with SPECIFIC experience in dealing with postpartum depression and psychoses. That deep of a personality change needs very proactive help. She may also benefit from group therapy with other women once she has an effective counselor and medication that works - there's likely to be no little guilt once the clouds are fading, and she may feel more inclined to talk to others who have been through the same issue. If she objects - if she has friends who she has drifted from, who have noticed the same problems and personality shifts, you may have to get their assistance, or from her family, to push her to go to someone who can help. And consider seeing if there's a spouse support group in your area - you need support yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CountessJax Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 I thought I could handle not having to block you but simply for the bolded comment above I have to. That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard in my entire life. How dare you tell someone their spouse is on medication for something because they don't love them right or enough! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rvieux Posted March 29, 2014 Author Share Posted March 29, 2014 Yeah, she's really just really nasty to me, I really don't understand it. In general I can say that she's really anxious and also acting depressed sometimes. I do feel lost because I don't have anyone to talk to, but I did tell me cousin so that made me feel better to talk to someone finally, also I talked to my long distance close friend in California on the phone, that helped also. I definitely keep myself busy, I have many personal goals and skills and projects that are active that I wish I had more time to work on, so I'm definitely not in need of a hobby, but thank you, because if I didn;t have anything to work on, getting involved in a hobby is good advice. I don't get it, she's just really mean and nasty at times, and comes accross as an emotional bully. We have been going to marriage counseling for a while and it has helped a TON, but what is curious is last session, our counselor could see that my wife has changed on the medication and she told me she wants to work with her solo for a while, so hope that helps my wife. (Sometimes she cancels the appts and doesnt want to go, so hopefully she goes on her own) She really is at heart an amazing beautiful person, one of the best souls i have ever met. Just for some reason nowadays she has changed. Sounds very possible it is a post partum depression thing and hope she gets the help she needs. I am definitely really shell shocked by her and can't help her anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rvieux Posted March 29, 2014 Author Share Posted March 29, 2014 I also will add that she's not always nasty so you guys get a better picture. She says I"m the best guy in the world, she says she's sorry for how she acts, etc, etc. then an hour later if she's tired or stressed over a small thing she can erupt like a bomb, so i don't know what's going on. and i'll also agree with anyone in blocking that guy Lester, i get an off feeling from his words. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rvieux Posted April 13, 2014 Author Share Posted April 13, 2014 Quick update for anyone interested on the progress: She realized something was off weeks ago when we met with her counselor and i focused on how klonopin seemed to be the cause. my wife was affected by this and she decided to stop taking the klonopin and wow what a huge difference. she is really mostly back to herself now. i could literally see the effects of the klonopin drift away day to day... I am eternally grateful that i've had about 2 weeks of mostly normalcy with my wife and to see her back with her normal face with color to her skin, to see her laugh and joke, to hear her talk to me normally. it is amazing. we still have a long road to go since she is still testing out some medications, but really she is really great right now, back to her normal self, back to being herself! so, i can breathe a breath of fresh air and probably she can too. it's so hard when medication affects someone negatively because they do not see anything wrong or different in themselves at all when they are under the medication. i saw that in her and i also know that from personal experience when i took medication for severe depression many years ago. huge, huge, thank you to everyone who responded and gave their opinions. i am very grateful there is a community like this online and a website like this, THANK YOU! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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