Chuckyd123 Posted March 24, 2014 Share Posted March 24, 2014 Me and my ex were together 14 months. We broke up in September. She tried to get me back until around Christmas and I couldn't bring myself to go back. She lost interest, started going out, is going on trips etc. and lost interest in me. I started really missing her and feeling like she's the one that got away. I reached out in mid february and she said its over. I asked if there's any chance she'll want me again someday and she said "I can't answer that." So I tried going no-contact in late February. She would send me the odd text trying to start an argument and I'd ignore. Then she started sending friendlier texts about her life and I'd give responses. Then she went to Cuba and the last text I had from her was 2 weeks ago today. I really miss her today. I feel like I lost the one. I've gone on dates and still can't stop thinking of her. Is she coming back someday? Is there anything I can do to get her back? If not is there anything I can do to move on? Thoughts please. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted March 24, 2014 Share Posted March 24, 2014 Maybe somewhere way down the road she may come back, but for now and maybe forever it is over. But you can't think about whether you two have a future someday because you will never move on. It's really hard for you and you keep missing her because you are still holding on to hope that you two will get back together and you are still in contact with her. You need to cut contact and tell her you need no contact to heal and get over this break up. When you truly are over it, you have more clarity to be able to step back and reevaluate the relationship if that time ever comes. But for now cut contact and work on healing. You can't get over by talking to her and holding on to the idea that you two aren't over. Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chuckyd123 Posted March 24, 2014 Author Share Posted March 24, 2014 Thanks Brokenheart99 I will think about this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chuckyd123 Posted March 24, 2014 Author Share Posted March 24, 2014 Also they say to cry and let all out. Whenever I do this I find myself thinking about her and wishing she'd come back again someday. Does there come a point when crying and letting it all out is just rehashing old memories? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted March 24, 2014 Share Posted March 24, 2014 It depends I guess. In the beginning, all I did was cry and think about it, when I first got dumped and then went nc. As time went on I forced myself to be a bit stronger each month and if I felt sad, just tried to let myself feel it for a bit then think about something else. Now 8 months out, I barely try to let myself think of the good times, but every now and then, it comes back to me. I just try not to dwell in it and change my mentality to "it's over I have no choice but to get over this and in will be happy again." Try taking steps slowly, but it will be done best by no contact Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Sounds like you two both want what you can't have. I'd say you need at least 6 months of no contact to start moving on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chuckyd123 Posted March 25, 2014 Author Share Posted March 25, 2014 Sounds like you two both want what you can't have. I'd say you need at least 6 months of no contact to start moving on. Thanks Ms darcy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happygolucky19 Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 If you love something set it free....if it comes back it is meant to be...if it doesn't, it never was. I think the old saying goes something like that. That is what I am trying to live my love life by and it seems to be pointing me in the right direction of filtering out the ones that never were good ones. Good luck to you buddy!!!! x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chuckyd123 Posted March 25, 2014 Author Share Posted March 25, 2014 Thx happy go lucky! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DanM Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 I have been lurking on sites like this looking for advice/comfort, but your story sounds very similar to mine. I know in my situation it would be much easier if it weren't on-again off-again with friendly contact in between. It's perfectly natural to feel this way, my ex and I crashed and burned in November, then a month later she came back for winter break, we got back together, then she got cold feet a few weeks later. It can be agony dealing with someone who is confused, especially when you are left reeling and you want to turn back the clock. Like others have said, it's time to focus on yourself, let her go out and live her life. Acknowledge that you hope your paths will cross again one day, then bury it deep, and start building the best path you can for yourself. I know that is what I am trying to do everyday, and although I don't feel that much better yet, at least I don't feel worse. Don't mean to be negative, but just being honest. One day at a time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chuckyd123 Posted March 26, 2014 Author Share Posted March 26, 2014 Thanks Dan. Do you mean let her know I hope our paths cross again? Or let myself know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DanM Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 That's up to you. I just meant don't beat yourself up about feeling that way, I am tired of feeling guilty for wishing she would come back, but I decided to bury those feelings as best I could, because it probably won't happen. The toughest part for me has been that I keep fighting myself, saying I shouldn't miss her, and making myself feel guilty that I do. So I decided to change my approach, admit to myself that I miss her, then let it be, this way I don't have to keep fighting an internal battle with myself (easier said than done by the way). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chuckyd123 Posted March 27, 2014 Author Share Posted March 27, 2014 That's up to you. I just meant don't beat yourself up about feeling that way, I am tired of feeling guilty for wishing she would come back, but I decided to bury those feelings as best I could, because it probably won't happen. The toughest part for me has been that I keep fighting myself, saying I shouldn't miss her, and making myself feel guilty that I do. So I decided to change my approach, admit to myself that I miss her, then let it be, this way I don't have to keep fighting an internal battle with myself (easier said than done by the way). Thanks Dan. That admiting to yourself that ya, you do miss her. I think that helps ease the internal conflict. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littlebird Posted March 30, 2014 Share Posted March 30, 2014 Chuckyd, why did you two break up? Was it mutual? You say she was trying to get you back for a few months. How come you weren't open to an idea of reconciliation then? Perhaps she was hurt by that and burnt out now, just focusing on her life and trying to heal. A bit more detail would help to assess the situation better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chuckyd123 Posted March 30, 2014 Author Share Posted March 30, 2014 Chuckyd, why did you two break up? Was it mutual? You say she was trying to get you back for a few months. How come you weren't open to an idea of reconciliation then? Perhaps she was hurt by that and burnt out now, just focusing on her life and trying to heal. A bit more detail would help to assess the situation better. Littlebird. We started dating. She has 5 kids. We dated for 4 months then I moved in and lived there for 10 months. We broke up because of arguing. I felt I had no life anymore (realizing that my life wasn't gone just different after), and I also felt like just another rung in the wheel of people there. Her Mom was also there all of the time. In September we split and I wasn't receptive to reconciling mainly because of family/friend pressure that I didn't need that life. (But they only heard me vent the bad, not the good). We tried around Christmas to work it out when her two oldest kids were gone to visit their Dad. She invited me over Just after New Years when the kids were home and I said I had a tough day and it's tough to relax with the two oldest there. That set her off. It was a stupid thing to say. After that she started having fun, going out, going on trips. I tried about a month ago to get her back and she wasn't receptive and said "not at this time". I said do you see us back together someday? and she said "I can't answer that". Since then she text me a few small talk things but nothing for three weeks. Any thoughts or ideas? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.