BCC123 Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 Okay so this is something I've noticed and I'm wondering if anyone else has this happen to them or if anyone thinks this is worth getting mad about So I've noticed that when my boyfriend and I fight he always seeks out a particular female, this "friend" he used to work with, he promised he didn't have any feelings for her but I do notice he will go to her Facebook and like something or text her to hang out when we are fighting. The texting hasn't happened lately because we got in a big fight about her last summer. Does this mean she's like his second choice after me or that he will go to her when we break up?? Or is he just seeking attention from her? Idk how to approach it or ask him because he will get mad and call me insecure. Before I bring this up to him I was hoping for some neutral advice! Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
journeynow Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 Do you mean it hasn't happened since last summer? That's quite awhile ago, why is it an issue now? Why do you want to bring it up with him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Damien666 Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 What's wrong with him having a close female friend? Would it be different if she was a male friend? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BCC123 Posted March 23, 2014 Author Share Posted March 23, 2014 Last summer we had a rough patch and we would fight and he would leave and invite her to meet him at the bar etc. he's been to after hour parties with he til really early in the morning. He claims they r just friends and he has no feelings for her but I haven't never hung out with her and him together as friends and he has lied about being with her. Friday night we were in a fight and I noticed he got on her Facebook and liked a bunch of her pics. He doesn't have her number anymore so I thought maybe he was reaching out to her that way trying to get her attention? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BCC123 Posted March 23, 2014 Author Share Posted March 23, 2014 He has plenty of close female friends as I do male friends. The thing is he lied about hanging out with her and would start a fight with me to get away and go hang out with her. He's even compared us once in the middle of an argument and I freaked. He said "you used to be chill like her" they just worked together for 2 months before he quit and that was the first time they met and I guess they just clicked, he also deleted all their convos when he did have her number last summer saying that he deleted them cause she was being flirty with him.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BCC123 Posted March 23, 2014 Author Share Posted March 23, 2014 I've also seen him text her when we are out on the weekends sayin things like "what r u doin? Let's meet up I'm with my home boys" when he was out with me all night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
journeynow Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 Focus on what is going on in the present. Doe he respect you? Do you feel his behavior crosses boundaries in your relationship? The lying and exclusivity would be a problem for me, but how far in the past is that, and has he changed since then? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Damien666 Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 Sorry if this sounds nasty but it seems to me he is looking for every opportunity to see her and get away from you. Do you have fun when you're with each other? Might be that he enjoys himself more when he is with her then with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ParisPaulette Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 BF seeking out female "friends" when we are fighting It likely means a) he needs female attention to keep his ego going period, instead of just dealing with his problems and b) it's his way of showing you there are other women out there who will want him if you don't. Both of these things are clear red flags along with the fact that this is his way of dealing with relationship conflict. None of these things add up to a stable partner you can trust. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 Lately I have been feeling like my boyfriend lacks a lot of respect towards me. Like name calling and when we r with our friends and someone makes fun of me or calls me a he laughs along. I feel like he's never on my side. He calls me a and says I'm y often. It's sad to me that he feels this way but when I ask him to explain he shakes his off and will say "nevermind it's not worth going into" I love him and we have been together for 2 years and live together. I always immediately bring it up when I feel disrespected and he will say "I don't even remember that" or you're just being insecure. He is the worst with communicating, especially when it's something that's bothering one of us. I am so fed up with this. So my boyfriend and I have been together for a couple years, live together for one. I will say he is an addict. He is addicted to opiates, but it's not heroine. It's mostly pain pills. He is moody when he doesn't have it and is very loving when he is on them. This conflicts me because I know he loves me without them but it's just harder to show. I have a codependent personality which is just as bad as an addictive one. We r bad for each other I guess u could say. I have read books and articles and tried to help myself but I just get in a mood and can't help but be jealous, controlling, manipulative and put him down sometimes. Idk why this happens. Also this happens usually when I work and get off and in the evening. I love him in the mornings, and love him all day it's just when he gets high I get annoyed with him and I get in that mood. We care for each other deeply, I love him. We love each other a lot and have always been faithful. He goes through a depressive state sometimes but I think that also has to do with his addiction. We fight and we have had really bad fights but we worked them out and are together after all of it. I'm confused and conflicted. Sometimes I think I am being too needy or wanting too much and sometimes I think it's him that needs help and he's a bad person for things. Idk whether to try and work on these problems we have or just not renew a lease with him and be separated for a while. Anyone with these experiences? Any advice would help! Okay so this is something I've noticed and I'm wondering if anyone else has this happen to them or if anyone thinks this is worth getting mad about So I've noticed that when my boyfriend and I fight he always seeks out a particular female, this "friend" he used to work with, he promised he didn't have any feelings for her but I do notice he will go to her Facebook and like something or text her to hang out when we are fighting. The texting hasn't happened lately because we got in a big fight about her last summer. Does this mean she's like his second choice after me or that he will go to her when we break up?? Or is he just seeking attention from her? Idk how to approach it or ask him because he will get mad and call me insecure. Before I bring this up to him I was hoping for some neutral advice! Thanks This relationship is terrible. He's an emotionally abusive, moody drug addict who is a bad communicator and prefers another girl for comfort. You are a jealous, insecure, manipulative, codependent girlfriend. The only real advice here is to end the relationship. But you are too codependent to do this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 Focus on what is going on in the present. Doe he respect you? Do you feel his behavior crosses boundaries in your relationship? The lying and exclusivity would be a problem for me, but how far in the past is that, and has he changed since then? Read post #10. There is a lot of other issues. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted March 24, 2014 Share Posted March 24, 2014 Read post #10. There is a lot of other issues. The girl friend is the least of your problems--your own choice to stay with this guy is your problem. If you stay the course, be prepared for more problems. We never get any wasted time back again for do-overs. How old do you want to be before you look back and wish you didn't waste your best years? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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