Admitting to a new partner that I dont have many friends

[katrin12]

I have recently been thinking about trying to start dating again, but I'm worried about what potential partners will think of the fact that I dont really have any close friends.

 

Im 33, ive always been a bit shy throughout my life and have never been someone who knows loads of people or makes friends really easily or quickly. I did have 3 friends since the age of 20 that I was close to and we all socialised together, but since July 2013 ive lost 2 of these 3 friends. I went through a period of depression between July 2013 and December 2013 and part of this manifested itself by me cutting myself off and isolating myself from everyone. I admit that I pushed everyone in my life away from me, but I really wasnt in a good place and couldnt see at the time that I was damaging myself and my friendships. 2 of my 3 friends took it very personally and said some hateful things to me, and we havent spoken since July 2013. Those friendships are definitely not repairable unfortunately.

 

The 3rd friend was more understanding and we have maintained a friendship of sorts, but im now on the outer fringes of her life, as she prefers the company of the other 2, who I no longer have contact with, so I dont see her as much as i used to, plus shes moved in with her bf and is, understandably, into being with him a lot.

 

Im much better now and am putting myself out there to meet more people, through meet-up groups etc, to try and build a social life, and have met a few people whom I can maybe call friends....its all very new, and it takes time to build up relationships and a history with people......but I wouldnt say im close to them yet.

 

Anyway, my point is that after being single for a year I would like to start dating again soon, but im preoccupied with how my lack of friends will be percieved by guys. I feel embarrassed that I dont currently have friendships like other people seem to. Theres an expecation that women have 'sex & the city' type girlfriends to hang out, go places and gossip with, close friends that theyve had for years, and who know them inside out. Thats normal isnt it? But I dont fit into that catagory anymore and I although I could explain the reasons why it happened, im worried about what a man would think of it. If he would think theres something wrong with me and would be put off dating me because my situation doesnt fit into 'normal'. I would really appreciate opinions on this, as its been on my mind a lot, and I feel like the worry of it is holding me back.

[ParisPaulette]

Theres an expecation that women have 'sex & the city' type girlfriends to hang out, go places and gossip with, close friends that theyve had for years, and who know them inside out. Thats normal isnt it?

 

I don't know that this is normal, certainly not for everyone. I've had to travel and move around a lot through the years and so I just tend to lose track of people. We may occasionally touch down with a "hey, how are you" but that's about it. I do have some female friends, but we tend to hang out more in each other's horse stables than sitting around sipping drinks at lunch and talking about sex.

 

Many people go through fluxes or periods in their lives where they lose and gain new friends, not everyone stays in touch with the people from their past. I wouldn't worry about it and if the topic comes up with someone you're dating just tell them the truth, you've found yourself in a bit of a social slump lately after a difficult period in your life and now you're out making new friends. Unless the guy's a real party boy who considers that a girlfriend's social circle is a must to add to his I doubt most men will even care who or what friends you have. Once someone gets very close then you can tell them more, but it's way too soon for even worrying about that.

 

Continue to focus on meeting new people, both friends and guys to date. Don't worry about what's in the past, not everyone is meant to or even wants to keep friendships from childhood. Personally that would drive me a bit crazy to have people around me like those women in Sex and the City. I hate that show BTW. So not real life at all.

[john45]

I'm not sure that having few friends would necessarily be seen as a big deal.

 

You're meeting more people now, building up your social life, and starting to make new friends - you're certainly putting yourself in a position to make new friends. Carry on with that, and I'm sure friendships will happen.

 

There isn't anything saying you need to stop having a social life with friends and making friends when you're dating. As I guy, I'd be happy dating someone who had some of their own things going on as a social life - if they had a few ups and downs in their life that meant they'd fallen out with some folks... not a big problem... if they were a bit shy about friendships... again not a big deal.

 

I'm sure there are guys out there who would happily accept you as you are. Yes, do things to widen your social circle and friendships. Don't worry too much about shyness, or pretend to be something you're not - neither of those are healthy and won't help you long-term.

 

Good luck!

[amipushy]

If anyone ask just say that you dont have many friends because you pretty much keep yourself to yourself, but you are close to your family who hopefully they will get to meet in time.

[nutbrownhare]

Rather than worrying about what potential partners might think about your situation, spend a little longer building up your social circle to the point where you're happy with it before starting to date. With your meetups etc, it doesn't take too long to build up a solid core of acquaintances, and although really deep friendships will take longer to develop, it's important that you have a circle of friends and interests which are separate from the relationship.

 

Don't worry about all the 'Sex & the City' stuff - it doesn't hold true for the majority of people.

 

The reason I say this is because a good, well-rounded life will make you feel happier and therefore attractive/attracted to a better quality of partner. You won't depend on your partner to fulfil all your needs, which will make for a healthier relationship all round. You will have more to bring to the relationship.

 

When I moved to a new town where I didn't know anybody, I took two years to make sure I was really grounded and didn't NEED a partner before even contemplating dating - knowing that I was going to be happy anyway. When a potential relationship didn't work out recently, it didn't really affect my life significantly. It would have done if I'd tried doing the same thing after six months of being here.