cherry1985 Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 So my ex and i have been together for just over a year, i moved down from scotland to wales to live with him 7 months ago. At this time my gran had just got out of hospital after breaking a hip and my mum had become her carer, in addition to this my dad was having health issues. In hindsight i maybe didnt give living in a new city my all..... i felt guilty about leaving my family in such a hard time but i loved my boyfriend and wanted to be with him. My boyfriend is not the best at communicator and doesnt like to talk about things.... as a result all my issues and stresses built up and all came to a head last weekend. My mum had called to say that she had had an accident and was really struggling looking after my gran, i felt so awful. when my boyfriend came down stairs in the morning everything just overflowed.... i told him i wanted to move home and that maybe we should split up.... things had been so tense, mainly because i was holding all this stuff in and was too scared to say anything. I realised right away i had made a mistake... i told him that night but he said i had raised some valid points and had to think. Now he says that it is too late for me to try and make an effort settling in to a new city, i should have done that from the start....and that we cannot go back right away. But that he still loves me and has to think with his head rather than his heart.... and he will let me know if he thinks if he has made a mistake. I dont know what to do... i love him and really want to fix it but i just dont know what to do anymore... my friends think i have hurt his pride by finishing it but i do not know what to say to rectify the situation. I am stuck in a country i dont want to live in if its not with him, but dont want to move home incase there is a chance of reconciliation. .....please help! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ironman3 Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 See I'd say, he's not being very considerate with you by not listening to you or understanding you in a time like this. And you need to sit with him and tell him openly about what you feel. It should be a decision that does not sacrifice your relationship and neither should it ignore the needs of your parents at this moment. Family is an important thing, it's the reason why you are who you are now. By all means, you need to move home to take care of them, for a little while. One thing I don't understand is, why does it have to be a kind of mutually exclusive deal? Why can't you have him and still be with your parents for a while? Talk to him and say that you need to be with your parents for a while till they get better and then you can be together again. This way, you wont feel guilty about your family and you won't hurt him or yourself. You need to speak out. And if he can't understand you, I'd rather say you'd be better off without him. No offense. One thing about parents, they only have you to turn to. You don't want to wake up some day later on in your life thinking you could have done something more for them. It might be too late then. They should be your priority now. Just handle it well and both sides should come out fine. Believe in yourself. Do what you feel is right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cherry1985 Posted March 22, 2014 Author Share Posted March 22, 2014 Thank you.... My parents are ok in terms of me being down here.... it is just if i am not with him i can't justify staying here... if we got back together it would be different. If someone tells you they love you but have to go with their head rather than heart what do you do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Feast Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 I wouldn't read too much into the "head versus heart" comment. I think everyone struggles with that dynamic, and you did mention breaking up, so i could see how he would feel defensive. What I don't like is that he doesn't seem to show much empathy for your position, he seems overly controlling as well. If I was in his shoes, I would tell you to go home and take care of your parents but hurry back because ill miss you. Why can't he come visit you on the weekends while your away? Why is he not offering to help in some way? Stuff like this will happen in life, you and him should be able to handle these problems without an overt amount of drama. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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