I just had the worst night of my life

[Brownsugar2012]

I had previously posted a thread regarding my relationship with my ex boyfriend. He slept with someone 24 hours after we broke up the first time and lied about it when we got back together. Anyway, two nights ago him and I went out for a couple of drinks. I only had two drinks and was not drunk. He had four drinks and a shot. We somehow got into an argument even though I didn't provoke him or try to argue but he has been resentful towards me. He then forced me to leave the bar. We enter his car and then he started to drive like a maniac and threatened to crash the car and kill us both. With the lack of trust in our relationship and his past of uncontrollable anger/violence, I decided to exit the vehicle while in motion. I figured a few scratches were better than the injuries I would have sustained in a car crash. I didn't get hurt to seriously, just road rash on my arm and back. I honestly felt getting out of the car was the best option as his behavior is that unpredictable. Then he forced me back in the car, and I had no other option anyway as my phone was dead, it was cold outside and I was injured with no where to go or anyway to get other help. He told me he was taking me to the hospital which I thought was fine. He starts screaming at me in the car and then calls the police on me and lies and tells them I tried to commit suicide. We get to the hospital and I slap in the face (bad move as it was in public) but I pushed beyond my points of frustration with all that had been going on with our relationship. He has no marks on his face and I am a normal size woman so its not like I caused him any damage whatsoever. He then proceeds to press charges against me and gets me admitted under psychiatric watch. Since alcohol was involved, regardless if I was drunk or not, the hospital refused to allow me to make my own decisions. I am 21. Anyways, the police didnt even ask if he had a history of violence, or aggressive behavior towards me and it was completely one sided. Then the nurse tells me I better not ever get back with him as he told the police and hospital staff that I was doing cocaine all day, but my toxicity results came back negative, so he clearly lied. I was left at the hospital alone all night and if I actually tried to kill myself, regardless of my ex being angry, wouldn't he stay to make sure I was safe? It just makes no sense. I cannot fathom his behavior. I have no history of mental health issues, I have never been on medication or admitted to a psychiatric unit. I am a nanny and a college student. I have no previous arrests or history of violence. I was released from the hospital as soon as I saw a psychiatrist. He literally talked to me for one minute and was like yeah your not dangerous to yourself or anyone else and aren't displaying any suicidal tendencies. The next day I went with the police to pick up my belongings from my exs house. Now that all of that horror is over, I am just left devastated that someone I loved so deeply has treated me like complete and utter sh**t. I cant even fathom how he could lie to try to get me sent away to a mental hospital and lie that I was doing illegal drugs. I have no idea why he would be malicious towards me when that morning before all the drama he was loving on me. I am so so hurt. I know things are better off now that hes out of my life and I'm glad to move forward and I will never speak to him again. Its just so hard to accept that people can be so deceiving. I dated and lived with his person happily for 2 years and then things just took a turn for the unthinkable. My heart is broken into a million pieces. It feels like a nightmare. I'm glad I deactivated all my social media so I have no associations with him or his friends who once were mine too.

 

The worst part of it all is I dreamt about my ex all last night, and him and I were happy together. I then woke up to remember reality and all this came crashing down on me.

 

Has anyone been through anything similar? How do you get through these types of things? I know time heals all wounds but I just wish it would move faster so be okay again. I just don't need anyone telling me not to get back together with him because believe me I have no desire to do so. The relationship is over forever.

[MisUnderstood9]

Just run and run and run and run some more, as far as you do and further! I am so sorry this all happened to you last night.

 

This guy is jsut utterly ridiculous! However, I don't think you should of jumped out of the car NOR got back into it, forced to or not. I would of rather been freezing walking home then get back into a car I was basically force to jump out of to get away from someone.

 

If he does press charges, they will most likely be dropped to the lack of evidence. Just keep your distance and if necessary ask you landlord to change your locks or possibly start looking for a new apartment where he can't find you and you change your cell # as well. Just because you don't have social media, doesnt mean he can't try and find you in some other way. Seriously, be safe and stay away from him at all costs

[lavenderdove]

>>With the lack of trust in our relationship and his past of uncontrollable anger/violence,

 

You can't be 'happy' with crazy. I think what will help you here is realizing that he has serious serious issues, and you were putting yourself in harm's way again and again hoping these types of problem would vanish. They don't, and they won't. You have to focus really hard on this reality, and think long and hard about how low this relationship has brought you: to jump out of moving cars, end up in the hospital, end up committed for mental issues, losing control of your life. You shouldn't be focusing on your feelings for him, but on sobering up and realizing how close to total disaster and ruin of your life he has brought you.

 

You also might consider going to the police and filing a counter report contesting his report that you were suicidal and explaining why you jumped from the car, and that he tried to get you committed by filing a false suicide claim, so that you have that on your record rather than his version of events. It can come back to haunt you if there are any records suggesting you are mentally ill. You say you are a nanny, and honestly if you want to continue in that field or to work with children, if they find records showing you are mentally unstable, you might be denied those jobs. So you need to stop and think and protect yourself.

 

Note that I think he did this as a pre-emptive strike in case you decided to file and say he was threatening your life in the car by driving crazily. And perhaps afraid that you would use the evidence of your road rash to say he pushed you out of the car or that he threatened you in a way that made you do that. So it was a set up to pre-emptively try to protect himself by declaring 'she's crazy' which is a common ploy among male abusers trying to counter their victim's claims of abuse.

[lavenderdove]

And here's a helpful technique: if thoughts of him pop into your head, immediately repeat this mantra: He threatened to kill me by crashing the car, then he tried to get me committed to a mental institution. Repeat that over and over to remind yourself how WRONG he is for you. Any fantasies or hopes notwithstanding, this guy is HORRIBLE news and you need to protect yourself rather than living in a fantasy that he's an OK guy or that this could turn out to be anything but a disaster.

 

Totally and completely cut yourself off from him. Never speak or see him again. It frankly doesn't get much worse that what happened to you, short of him putting a bullet in you.

[Lorem Ipsum]

I just gotta ask: why? Why, if you were broken up and you knew he had uncontrollable anger/violence issues -- why for the love of all that is holy did you agree to meet up with him? Not have your own method of transportation there and back (even if it's public). Not tell someone where you were going and who you would be with. Not make sure your cell phone was fully charged before you left. These are things that I would normally say to someone who is about to meet an online date for the first time.

 

Ever since the first mental institution was created, there have been men saying that women/their wives are crazy and need to be put away for their own good (I'll leave it up to you to decide who the "their" is).

 

You're only 21 and so you might still be stuck in the "love conquers all!" "we're meant to be together" stuff where you confuse drama with passion and a bad boy and someone who just needs to be loved and then he'll be so happy that he'll love you back (instead of someone who uses you and is just plain bad for you). You say you're done for good and I hope that is so. If he ever calls you again and you start to waver, reread this thread. Better yet, block his number, delete him from your phone. Get a new number if you have to. The red flag store was out of red flags on this one a long time ago.

[lavenderdove]

>>We get to the hospital and I slap in the face (bad move as it was in public) but I pushed beyond my points of frustration with all that had been going on with our relationship. He has no marks on his face and I am a normal size woman so its not like I caused him any damage whatsoever.

 

btw, you need to change this kind of thinking. Assault is assault in the eyes of the law. Just because you're a woman doesn't mean you get a free pass and can smack a guy anytime you feel like it. And frankly you are LUCKY you were in public because in private he might have flattened you for that if he has anger and violence issues. You need to read up on the subject of abuse and take some anger management classes yourself to learn how to de-escalate arguments and control your temper and never again use any kind of violence (including slaps) against anyone else. It's legally assault, and you can be arrested for it. And since he has filed a complaint, you now have a police record.

 

So take this as a cautionary tale and get at a grip on your life and cut him loose and get yourself together.

[ParisPaulette]

he started to drive like a maniac and threatened to crash the car and kill us both.

 

Okay, I stopped reading after this point. Just run, just.run.away. As far away as you can possibly get from this guy. Don't you have any self-preservation left in you???? Why do you want to die, because you know sooner or later someone like this is indeed going to kill you or someone else. Even worse when they do crap like this they usually end up killing innocent bystanders who just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, sometimes even children.

 

There's nothing left here. Get yourself into therapy if you feel tempted to go back to him and keep walking away.

[nutbrownhare]

When you say

It just makes no sense. I cannot fathom his behavior.

I agree. What I also can't fathom is why you got back with this guy in the first place, got in the car when you knew he was drunk... and all the rest.

 

Relationships like this can be terribly addictive with all the drama, which might go some way to explaining your attraction to him. As ParisPaulette says, get yourself into therapy if you feel tempted to make up with him - or if you find yourself in a relationship with anyone else like him.

 

Take a break from dating for a while to straighten yourself out after going through all this, grieve your relationship and all the hopes and fears around it, and accept that the fantasy you were in love with does not exist.