My point of view

[photograph11]

Hey ena,

 

Okay, so I am a lesbian. Almost in my mid 20s. I'm fairly out, I've dated a few girls. I've been having a discussion with a close friend about what sorts of frustrates me:

 

But here's an issue that has been frustrating me lately. Okay, so I have a lot of friends who are girls. They all know I'm gay. Most of them are straight, or some of them i never asked directly but I'm assuming they prefer men. From past experience, when I was a teenager, when I first realized I was gay, I had fallen for certain friends (not the ones I hang out with now). Some I've told them my attraction, and things just went awkward or they stopped hanging out with me. So I learned from that, at the same time I was young 15-16 and I wasn't out and meeting other lesbians. Of course today, I'm on dating sites, I go to lesbian bars, and I do approach girls I find attractive in random places such as at a store, etc, in a very polite way. At worst they just feel flattered. But, sometimes, you can't really help finding a friend of yours attractive. I started crushing on this friend of mine, started to find her attractive, and I know I don't have a chance with her. I told a friend of mine about it, and she wanted to tell her for me, but I didn't want her to do anything about it. I get frustrated because a part of me, I just want to express to this girl that I'd like to take her on a date. Yes, yes I know she may be straight, but I just find it frustrating because maybe it's because I view the world, in a way that is not black or white. I mean say a guy friend likes me. Even if he would know I'm a lesbian, I wouldn't find it awkward or weird, or think badly of it; I'd be flattered and appreciate his expression of appreciation towards me. I don't see how it's such a bad thing for one to express their appreciation for someone else's beauty, attraction. Life is short and you never know, these labels gay, straight, lesbian, it's not so black or white. It just frustrates me, because one of my friends who knows about my crush started telling me how I should not say anything, things will get awkward, etc etc that it's a bad thing that I am crushing, and for her to find out. Of course I agree that I wouldn't want things to get awkward, but At the same time, how would it be so bad saying in a friendly way "you know, if you'd be into women, I would've taken you on a date" at worst she'll get flattered. I'm not gonna say anything but it's frustrating me that just because we are the same sex I cannot express myself. I am talking to other girls (who are bi-and gay) but am just frustrated that I feel stuck that I have to keep this to myself . It's better than I do, and I most likely will. But I guess I'm just venting, it's like going through an art gallery, I'm gonna find many paintings beautiful, I can't choose which ones I will find beautiful.

[Ironman3]

Hey! I understand your predicament. Being a guy and straight, I would feel totally sick if a guy who was gay approached me. A lot of people I know feel that way. I don't really mind gay people. I have a lot of friends who are gay, but I'd expect them to keep that away from me. I'd feel better in their company only in that way. So what I'm trying to say is, from my experience, straight people aren't all that flattered from hearing something like this from gay people, they'd probably just bail. I didn't mean to offend you here. Even I feel the labeling is unnecessary in today's world. But well, this is how it is. You do have an option though. You can be around her and give her tiny hints. Don't go about asking her out. Maybe you can put things different like just ask her does she like being with women or something like that... And look into her eyes and tell her she's beautiful when the time is right, see her reaction. If she just gives you the 'are you crazy' look, you never bring that up again. I suggested trying these because there's lesser chance of things getting awkward here. And she might even enjoy some female attention, that she's never experienced before. My ex once recounted about her experience with her cousin who used to stay with her and they got intimate with just a few hugs. She said she felt so special and discovered a side of her that she never felt before.

 

So, Who knows! Good luck!