Called it quits monday, going NC, feeling guilty but not so sure it's my fault

[jalways44]

Hi everyone,

 

Been talking to this guy since November, it's long distance. He and I were getting to know each other, i've known him for 3 years but we just recently started to get to know each other and wanted to see where things went with us. He was really attentive, called all the time, facetimed with me all the time, starting integrating me with his friends. Visited me a few times, we had a great time. He may be moving here soon as well.

 

Here is the problem, recently I noticed he stopped calling/facetiming me as much as he did before. I started getting upset and freaked out on him on Monday. I facetimed him and noticed his best friend was sitting with him, his best friend started talking to me and it seems his best friend knows EVERYTHING about me. My guy shares everything with his best friend. Anyway, my guy was like let me call you back i'm gonna go have dinner, he was so short with me. Mind you I had called him about 4 times before and it took calling him 4 times for him to pick up. Then he talks to me for a minute and says let me call you back. He never called me back that night. I freaked out and said a few mean things to him, I said all he cares about is his friends, I said I was never talking to him again, I said I never should have let him back in my life (we tried dating over the summer but he was still not over his ex girlfriend and we broke up). I said have fun with your friends and I called him a jerk. The reason I reacted this way is because this happens all the time with him, he's always with his boys and doesn't call me.

 

I also have been upset because he told me he didn't want a relationship right now, so basically he is telling me he doesn't want to be with me. But then why keep calling me. So I basically told him I wish I had never let him back in my life. NOw i regret it, but if I call him it makes me look pathetic and weak. So I decided to go NC and see if he calls me. If he calls then it shows he cares.

 

The problem is I feel horrible, I feel like i'm the one that messed things up. Was it me? Did I overreact? I also defriended him on facebook. Am I to blame for this? Should i go with what i wanted to do and go NC? My thing is, I want to get married, if he doesn't want a relationship right now, then what is the point of me apologizing and wanting to be with him again.

 

Please help!

[JA0371]

Hmm....I just posted a thread almost just like this one yesterday under breakups...'guess Im doing NC'. How far away do you guys live from each other?

[jalways44]

I actually did read your post, I was thinking the same thing, your story sounds very much like mine. We are about an hour and half by plane. 8 hours by car. I just don't know if it was me or if he deserved me saying the things I said to him. I feel like he wasn't making me a priority in his life. His "Bros" got more time than I did. Then I think, was I being high maintenance? I feel guilty and feel very hurt by him at the same time. I don't want to make a fool of myself with him.

[JA0371]

Yep...sounds the same. Lol...our issue was trying to communicate via text so much. So I told him Im not doing that anymore. It's either the phone or Ftime. Have you tried apologizing to him? If you were in the wrong..don't expect him to come running to you. Say you're sorry (if you are) and that you over reacted.

[jalways44]

Well the problem is, all of a sudden the calls/facetime has stopped. I called him a week and half ago and again I got no call back. The next day I got a text saying he was sleeping and didn't get my call. I feel like there are always excuses. I know I freaked out on him, but I also feel like he needs to figure out what he wants. Which is why I want to go NC, i want to see if he calls me and apologizes for not calling me back. I don't know, am I overreacting about this whole thing? If i text him and say i'm sorry, doesnt it make me look weak. Another problem is this isn't the first time i've done this, i've done it a few times before and have apologized and said i overreacted. I just feel like if he cared, he would be picking up when I call.

[JA0371]

Lol...wow....are we the same person? Even the distance is similar!

 

Anyway...if this happened on Monday..give it a few more days. Then send him a video message. Not a text or an email. Video is better because he can see your body language. Just lay it all out. Say you feel bad but because you DO care, that it's hurtful. Also let him know that you do value him and the relationship. Don't tell him he's a jerk. Just give him something to think about. Then the ball is in his court..but at least you've said what you need to.

[milly007]

Based on what you've written, OP, it doesn't sound like you're overreacting. It sounds likes he's being disrespectful. I don't blame you for going NC. We all have to draw boundaries in our relationships and it sounds like you're taking a stand. Let this guy go. If he wants to be with you, you will hear from him; then it will be up to you as to whether you think he deserves to be in your life.

[jalways44]

Well I ended up calling him tonight because I felt guilty that I messed things up between us. Apparently he lost a contract, he has his own company. So he's pretty upset. Anyway I asked him if he missed me, he said yes. I asked him if he had feelings for me, he said maybe. We have only been talking for 4 months. But this puts everything into a new light now. He was supposed to move here, because of "That" contract. He lost that contract now. Is it worth it to keep talking to him? He seemed pretty distant tonight too, I think he is thinking the same thing. I think this is a recipe for me getting hurt. He didn't seem as caring as he did a few weeks ago. Should I just go NC again and see if he comes running.

[jalways44]

Well last night, I sent him a text. I said, I only want him to call me when he wants what I want, which is a relationship. I told him he special/amazing and I will miss him but I can't deal with not being any type of a priority. I said to call me when his life settles down. Sooooo i'm going NC. Day 1 of NC sucks. I have been crying all day. Did I do the right thing? I miss him so much already, please help

[JA0371]

Did he respond?

[jalways44]

Nope he did not. I guess I should take that as a clue that he didn't care about me as much as I thought he did. I've hid my phone so I don't get tempted to text.....I def. have to let this go. I think he thinks I have my tantrums and I always come back 3-4 days later.