It's very platonic...but I'm developing a crush. What should I do?

[feelfreefloat]

I met this guy last week because mutual friends wanted us to meet (we are both obsessed with the same band). We talked for a bit and that was fine (no flirting just friendly!). We see each other every other day for class at my university and so far, after every class we end up talking (either by ourselves or with a group). It just so happens like that, which is totally fine.

 

Unfortunately, I think I'm starting to develop a little crush on him We hung out a few days ago to watch a live stream with his friends and it was super awesome and chill, but very platonic. Nothing either one of us does shows any sign of interest. When we were texting about getting together, it was friendly and happy but definitely not flirty from either of our ends. I haven't instigated any text conversations or even real conversations, so I can honestly say there is nothing that I have done to show any interest, because I don't want to be rejected.

 

The day after the live stream, he asked me if I wanted to do watch the second night (it was a 2 day event) and said that his friends weren't going to be there, but he would still be down. We were both exhuasted from the night before (it ended at 3 am and we both had an 830 class) so it was kind of up in the air. Later on that day, he sent me a text telling me he couldn't because he hadn't had a chance to catchu up on sleep and he had a lot of work to do. I realized I might like him a bit when I was pretty bummed we weren't going to hang out.

 

We're both really friendly with each other and the friendship definitely started out platonically, which is honestly probably better. I know I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill here, but I don't want to develop feelings for a lost cause. He told me about a band he's in and said he would let me know the next time they were playing a show so I can go. We're also going to Bonnaroo this summer and will be living in the same city, so he mentioned hanging out.

 

I guess my question is should I keep going with this and keep up the platonic facade? After reading this it sounds so stupid, but for some reason I've been thinking about it. It's super early on too and being friends is never a bad thing...I don't know he is just so my type it's unbelievable. Our mutual friends think we would make a great pair too. What would you do? Thanks!

[mhowe]

We're both really friendly with each other and the friendship definitely started out platonically

 

You met him last week --- you don't really know him. I would keep up the "facade" of friendship until you get to know him.

[Realitynut]

How do you think relationships start out??? lol The best ones start out as friends!! He probably is feeling EXACTLY the same way you are. My aunt and her husband...many, many years ago, met because their friends thought they'd be good together. Then later, when their son was 40...and never dated....friends set him up with another 40 yr. old woman.....and wham.

 

You don't just start out as a love interest. WELL...some do...but that also can burn out as quickly as it started.

 

I think what you are doing is great. No one ever has the guarantee that a love interest or relationship will work out. Most relationships don't....and someone will be hurt. That's life. BUT you have a lot of interests in common, you get along great...and he is initiating CONTACT! That means he enjoys your company too!

 

Enjoy and keep it up. DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF. Relax and take one day at a time....who knows what will happen!

[pl3asehelp]

Nothing sound platonic about his to me. You just met and you have a crush on him - you have never been friends. Just go for it and don't hide behind fake friendship because you're risk averse.

[feelfreefloat]

You both said what I figured should be the best course of action!

 

I guess also, I treat/talk to people I'm interested in differently than people I see as friends. I'm almost more flirty (just very friendly) with my friends. With love interests I'm so less bubbly. And with friends I don't have a texting "rule" but with a potential partner I do. So How do I get out of that??

[mhowe]

They are your "rules". Stop following them.

[oitnb]

He sounds very interested in you! Good luck. Don't over think it and have fun.

[feelfreefloat]

We don't really text that often and that's fine. We just met. Haha. But I just know that because I might like him I'm going to think "oh I shouldn't text him now because I don't want to be annoying. He should text me first". It's so silly. And it's also annoying to have that mindset

[feelfreefloat]

Well and also I don't know how often talking/texting is appropriate / normal in the beginning

[Realitynut]

I guess that's why i don't have a relationship!!!! lol I treat a romantic interest the same as a friend! Don't treat him any differently!!! BE A FRIEND....that's how you started off! Let it develop naturally. I have a guy friend. I txt call whenever i feel like it. Did it with my bf too. If they can't handle it...that's their problem and you aren't compatible. Just don't do it hourly! lol

[Realitynut]

Also....follow his lead. If he's a 'texter' and likes txting a lot....you can follow his lead and text more often. If he only likes to give out sporadic messages...then do that. It's called 'mirroring'.

[pl3asehelp]

I guess that's why i don't have a relationship!!!! lol I treat a romantic interest the same as a friend! Don't treat him any differently!!! BE A FRIEND....that's how you started off! Let it develop naturally. I have a guy friend. I txt call whenever i feel like it. Did it with my bf too. If they can't handle it...that's their problem and you aren't compatible. Just don't do it hourly! lol

 

I strongly disagree with this. You have to be clear friendship is not what you're after. I feel deceived and disrespected if someone pretends to be my friend and then later drops some bombshell on me that they're interested and I have to then end the whole thing completely.

[feelfreefloat]

It's so hard to tell the right course of action. We're friends now and that's the way it'll probably be for a while. Maybe if we spend more time together thighs will happen, but I just don't know how to spend more time with him without it looking like that's what I'm doing

[Realitynut]

I strongly disagree with this. You have to be clear friendship is not what you're after. I feel deceived and disrespected if someone pretends to be my friend and then later drops some bombshell on me that they're interested and I have to then end the whole thing completely.

 

Why? I've been friends with a guy for going on a year now. We started as friends. He developed feelings. I told him i didn't. He's coming over shortly i might ad....he says it's hard.

 

I told him he can either 'hang' with me...or go back to POF!

 

I liked many guys.....crushes lets say....but either i was married, or they were. I just never told them, or acted on it! oops, friend is here...

[pl3asehelp]

Why? I've been friends with a guy for going on a year now. We started as friends. He developed feelings. I told him i didn't. He's coming over shortly i might ad....he says it's hard.

 

I told him he can either 'hang' with me...or go back to POF!

 

I liked many guys.....crushes lets say....but either i was married, or they were. I just never told them, or acted on it! oops, friend is here...

 

Well by doing this you may or may not realize many men will reject you. I wouldn't get involved with any woman hanging around with some dude she calls a friend when she's aware he has non platonic feelins for her. I'm aware of this so I've never kept a fan club around like this. All it does it hurt your chances for a relationship with someone you are actually interested in. Not to mention the fact that a hollow one sided friendship doesn't sound appealing either.

[Realitynut]

Ummmm...I'm not dating...or looking. I met him at a meetup. I have 'girl' friends and 'men' friends. He just put himself back on the dating sites, cuz he wants sex.

 

That's his prerogative. I'd rather LAUGH and enjoy a FRIEND.....for years, then have a relationship that goes bust in 6 months.

 

Sure, i would LOVE to meet a man and fall in love. But after a couple of years of looking...and NOTHING coming of it, I'll stick with a guy friend as long as he'll have me...

[feelfreefloat]

Should I try to see if he would want to hang out?

[abitbroken]

Should I try to see if he would want to hang out?

 

Ask him to do something that is not related to the band. And don't ask him "to hang out". Ask him to do something in particular. Grab a pizza. Or actually, it is okay to do something about the band next time. You guys just met. That way you get to know more about what he is about.

[Realitynut]

Yeah...of course. Anything you would like to do....If you are planning on going to a park...ask if he'd like to join you? Walk along a river? Picnic? Bowling? Play Frisbee, catch...Go to a movie. Pizza like abitbroken said.

 

So instead of saying...hey...wanna hang out...lol say, I'm driving up to this state park Saturday, we could pack a picnic lunch and go hiking! Does that sound like fun to you?

 

I'd say YEAH!!!

[Realitynut]

but I just don't know how to spend more time with him without it looking like that's what I'm doing

 

why? What's wrong with that? I've heard lots of guys like a woman who is not afraid to make a move....

[feelfreefloat]

Shouldn't I treat him like a friend?

[abitbroken]

Shouldn't I treat him like a friend?

 

What? If you are interested him, try to get to know him better! If you mean "friend" as not jumping him or going in for a kiss - yes - even if you were dating you only have known him a week or two so dating or friends you would act the same. The difference is - if you are interested, you show interest. He has pursued you, now you do your part and if you want to spend time with him you suggest something. Don't wait for him. Just do it. You will find out after meeting up with him a few more times if you really like him. But if a guy tells you that no friends are coming and it will just be the two of you - he is interested! He doesn't know you well enough to know if he wants to date you after just a week, but he wants to see! Don't act too coy or friendzone him. Just go with the flow of seeing the band, maybe try to parlay that into pizza or ice cream or coffee after the show or ask him to do something else.

[Lonewing]

Get rid of the silly rules and learn that every situation requires a fresh analysis to truly follow the best route. Some days, that means X, and other days, in the exact same situation, it requires Y. And other times, maybe Z. Utilitarian ethics, they work!