Kam2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 Hi all, having a really sad week where I am feeling really paranoid. I was feeling so great the last few weeks that this has come as a surprise and I feel like I have gone 10 steps backwards and all the progress I had made wasted. I really miss being with my ex and it just feels so fresh again - it actually feels like my heart is aching. I do not feel as bad as I did 3 months ago but this is still hard. Yesterday I had an email from my ex (group email). I had been deleting emails but I just went and opened it yesterday. I noticed a new recipient and became paranoid. I actually did something I am not proud of and found the receipient on FB and it turns out she is a 18yr old uni student (I am 31 and my ex 36). I know it does not mean anything but I couldn't help feeling deflated and thinking the worst. The rest of the recipients were his usual friends. This is the first time I have done anything 'stalkerish' and I felt crap after. He had also texted me about something earlier that day and I decided to just call him that night to discuss it rather than text. He was out for dinner so I just said we can discuss later. But because of my paranoia from that email I started to think he was out on a date. Then I started to think he wouldn't pick up and talk to me if he was out on a date. And then my mind was over analysing everything. I know all this is pointless. I miss him and want him back. Nothing has changed and I can't make him change his mind. But I feel like my emotions are back to a point where it all feels raw again when I really thought I was doing so well and so I feel sad and lonely once again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Tie Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 Hi Kam2014, Im having a crappy week too. Your situation is very close to mine except the part where you keep in contact with your EX. I dont think thats a good idea. I believe that is whats holding you back from moving on. Stalking and overthinking things drive us nuts. Im struggling to not check my EX facebook and avoid all the social media she is into. You need to stop doing those things to yourself. Its painfull not to but by doing so I believe you will move on much quickly. Hang in there. Best of luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kam2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Author Share Posted March 20, 2014 Hi Kam2014, Im having a crappy week too. Your situation is very close to mine except the part where you keep in contact with your EX. I dont think thats a good idea. I believe that is whats holding you back from moving on. Stalking and overthinking things drive us nuts. Im struggling to not check my EX facebook and avoid all the social media she is into. You need to stop doing those things to yourself. Its painfull not to but by doing so I believe you will move on much quickly. Hang in there. Best of luck. thanks! This for me has been the hardest part - NO CONTACT. I lasted 2 weeks on many occassions but then it has been broken some way or another. It's so annoying and I hate myself for being weak. Part of the problem is that we both like each other and is easy to fall into bad habits of conversation etc. It does not help when he says to me that he knows he messed up by his decision to end it, thinks of me all the time etc yet makes no indication that he would reconsider us geting back together. Luckily my ex has no social media but I still can't believe I checked this girl out on FB. I feel like it would be an insult to me if he moved on but didn't tell me. I am struggling to let go for good and really scared of losing him and I'm not entirely sure why. I know that this would be the best thing but I just do not feel ready. I haven't cried since mid-feb but today I feel so sad. I keep telling myself 'I am worth more' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaytie Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 Sadly, if he wanted to be with you he would. My relationship ended mutually, but I was willing to work harder and go to a therapist, etc. She was on the fence. I can't be put in that position because it's not fair to me, and the way I see it is if she were really the one for me, she'd be with me. I am nobody's back burner. Being in limbo is horrible because you still have hope alive. That's why when she was waffling I said I'm done. You are either in or out. She knows how I feel and what I want(ed) but she still couldn't put aside her ego and say okay, let's give this one last shot. Being in contact with him is like an infection that never gets a chance to heal. You are sabotaging your own healing and prolonging the pain. He shouldn't be emailing you. I would block his email address. He doesn't need to tell you if he's moved on or not since you aren't together anymore. For your sake, YOU need to move on though, as best you can. Step 1 is making sure you don't know what's going on in his life at all, and quashing the hope that he'll come back. If he wanted to, he would. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kam2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Author Share Posted March 20, 2014 Kaytie - you are soooo right. And that what I was telling myself (and my friend who recently came out of a RS). But all of a sudden yesterday I just felt so sad about it. Yes - if he wanted to be with me, he would be. Despite what he says to me, he would rather have RS where he doesn't have to get emotionally close to anyone. I should say that my RS wasn't long (4M) but it was intense and I guess it ending suddenly was a shock to me, when things were so much fun. My situation is the same as yours and I want to get to get to the same place and say 'enough is enough, I'm done wasting my energy on you'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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