HeartbreakAus Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 There's nothing wrong with him, he is amazing! When I am with him I have so much fun but when I am away from him I second guess what I am doing. What if I was meant to take my ex back when he tried to, what if this isn't right. I'm too scared to date him in case I hurt him being so hot and cold all the time. This is my first time dating as an adult (21) and I don't understand what is going on with me. He is so infatuated with me it kind of freaks me out a little, and I told him. He understands. I thought falling in love was mean to be fun and exciting! Why am i second guessing everything!!!!!!!!! I'm 5 months out from being dumped after 4.5 years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 You are not ready for a new relationship. It's that simple. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartbreakAus Posted March 20, 2014 Author Share Posted March 20, 2014 We aren't dating but we are holding hands, kissing, going on dates so we pretty much are. I just don't want to let him slip away just because I'm in a tizz with my high anxiety levels. He got really screwed over by his ex and I'm scared to hurt him/scared I am hurting him already! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokeheartt Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 Dating/not dating, official/not official whatever the labelled category; you guys are creating a bond and by the sound of it, you are not ready for that. Sounds like he is your rebound and the longer you keep him around so "he doesnt slip away" the more hurt he will be. He says he understands but if he is infatuated with you then he really doesn't understand and is "blinded by love". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hrdcore1337 Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 Yeah, slowwwww downnnnnnnnnnnnnnn. You need to get over that long relationship before pursuing a new one. Especially 4.5 years. I can't imagine that you don't care if your ex is around or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pl3asehelp Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 You've been dating him for less than 5 months? You don't even know him and if you think you do, you don't know people in general. You have to live with him and see how he handles some major life difficulties to even begin to know him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharky988 Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 I remember your ex. He was unbelievably awful to you -- stringing you along, jerking you around, saying he wanted to get back together, changing his mind, making dates, cancelling the dates, saying he wanted to just be friends. It was horrible. You were NOT meant to be with your ex. Please don't let any residual feelings for that guy interfere with a chance for having something nice with other guys in the future. But you might not be ready to be with anybody else for a while. Even if you're not having formal dates, becoming closer and more romantic with someone new can bring up painful feelings if you're not really over your last relationship. This happens a lot. Please don't misinterpret this as in any way being an indicator that you should've continued on as your ex's Plan B or that you were meant to be together. Not the case. You're only 5 months out of your last relationship. You mention this new guy had a bad time with HIS ex... how long has he been single? You guys might both be using each other as rebounds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartbreakAus Posted March 21, 2014 Author Share Posted March 21, 2014 You're only 5 months out of your last relationship. You mention this new guy had a bad time with HIS ex... how long has he been single? He has been single 2+ years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChilliRed2013 Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 I should read your previous posts, but for the moment.. New guy sounds great! He's amazing and fun to be around, and it sounds like you are both enjoying each others company a lot. He has been single for 2+yrs, so is emotionally free to fall head over heels for someone. You are not in the same state of mind. Hence the freak-out. I am wondering.. how honest have you been with him regarding your feelings for him, and your own personal situation. If you have been hiding certain details about yourself in order to appear more appealing, that could be a cause of the inner tug-of-war.. Total honesty could lead to the new guy being extremely understanding, and easing off to match your pace. It could also lead to him backing off completely for a while, or forever. Just stay true to yourself. Maintain your integrity. Be fair to him and you. If the potential negative result hurts for a while, you will know that you did the right thing. Peace of mind.. Even if it was a hard thing to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChilliRed2013 Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 Ok. After reading more: you should really consider spending more time as an individual. Also, if you were to be open about the reasons why you need space from new guy.. he will appreciate that honesty, sooner or later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rabbit 5 Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 You having these feeling don't go there trust me I did... hear my story... I know wasn't ready for relationship and I Told him that I just came out of one and he understand that but he was willing take chance and I took it because he wasn't going stay around and I wanted be with him but I need time to forgive and move on... this guy was amazing he talk to me every day wanted hang out, he was so un standing about things, he gave me rose and he was amazing.. I gave him chance to walk because I was sick at the same time and I needed get better I wanted to call it off and date him, when I was better and sorted things out but he wouldn't let me. I wanted be with him but same time I was trying move on and my emotions were all over the place... after 6 months I new I wanted to be with him but then I notice things happening with him his ex was texting him and was hiding it.. his emotions were bit over the place but we got through it and move on what I thought. . We were together for one year and after that mark... things started to happen I wasn't good enough for him, I wasn't girly enough or didn't where my hair right... he show his true coloures.. I felt I wasn't welcome at his place but his mum made me feel welcome, I try push him away and spend lest time to fix stuff but he wouldn't let me hang out with my mates. .. he said to me once. my mates are mine and not yours.... I had enough but I hold on because he stood by me and I should to and he was amazing. So basically I had hope, he said to me before last couple weeks him ending it, we should break up and have a break and get back together like our mates did... we were together for 1 year and 3 months he ended by saying you great girl and very nice, very nice and I have fun with you but I don't think we should to be together. . We talk and said we should never got together. . Couple days later I ask him why and said we not right for each other, I don't see future with you and doesn't feel right but when I did NC he mess around my head and gave me hope we could get back together. . So I'm basically saying if he wants you he willing to wait for you and don't get into a relationship with someone that seem perfect because Something is up.. I got along with him perfect but doesn't mean anything. . I hope this help and good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharky988 Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 He has been single 2+ years. Honestly, if New Guy's been single that long then I'd go for it. Because even if your ex did come back asking for yet another shot, it wouldn't matter since there's no going back to him a third time! I think this is really about giving up that last lingering shred of hope about your awful old ex magically turning back into the great guy he probably was at the beginning of your relationship and asking for a chance to make everything right. The problem is, that guy is dead and gone and he's not coming back, now or ever. The great-guy-he-used-to-be was in love with you.... the awful-ex-he-is-now has lost those feelings and now he only wanted you around as a safety net in case he didn't meet anyone else. Someone on this board made a comment that when exes come back it's just like Pet Semetary.... they come back but it's in some hideously deformed, decomposing shell of what they once were. That's your ex now. Eww. So imo anyway the thing to really try and grasp here is that even if he wanted to come back, you shouldn't take him back! You really ARE free to go ahead and develop feelings for someone else, you don't have to worry or feel bad, you don't have to be loyal to someone who has no loyalty toward YOU. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.