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Jealous/insecure gf?


F4286

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Hello all,

 

Been with my gf for just over 5 months and I've noticed from my opinion, she handles situations really badly and would just like some opinions from other people

 

About 2 months into the relationship, me and my gf were out for few drinks, one my ex's txt me at the time asking what I was upto, I didn't have a problem texting her back in front of my gf as there was nothing to hide, anyway, my gf wasn't too impressed that she txt me and asked me how long ago I see her, as I was pretty drunk I made an honest mistake and said 6 weeks instead of 6 months, this led to her storming out, crying etc and I had to get my ex to txt back when we last met to sort things out.

 

Few weeks later, I was out with my gf and my mate and his gf for couple drinks, my friend lets call her Sarah sent me a message, before I met my gf, I was seeing my girlfriends ex best mate who's also got same name as my friend, anyway, I noticed my gf ignored me the whole night and when we got back to mine, she started crying and asking me why I'm txting her ex best mate so I had to show her it was another girl and showed her the message

 

Now recently, me and my gf got invited to my friends house, everything was going well, then my mate made a comment about this girl who he knew who always strips when she's had a few and I jokingly said nice, never even met the girl, anyway, my gf stormed out the flat, and told me next day how much I hurt her

 

I've never been with a girl who reacts like this, is the way she is acting reasonable? Can't help but think all these issues could have easily been resolved by just talking about it? To make matters worse, my mates and their girlfriends are not keen on her at all from her storming out the flat and not even saying bye.

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Sounds like a combination of someone who is insecure with someone who doesn't understand insecurity (the texts from the ex, the slip of the tongue with the timeline, the comment about the girl who strips). But it also sounds like your girlfriend goes over the top with her reactions. And you're right, instead of storming off, a much more productive way of dealing with it on her end would be to admit to you and to herself that she can get a bit insecure, ask you for your help dealing with it, and tell you as soon as possible what is bothering her when it happens.

 

Just to be clear though, I'd be a tad perturbed if my BF was texting his ex and then told me he saw her while we were dating . . . even if he followed up with an "Oops, I meant later" . . . The heart wouldn't stop racing just cause you said you made a mistake. And if my BF said anything other than, "Oh, that's unfortunate" when discussing a girl who strips when she's been drinking, I'd consider that a tad insensitive.

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It boils down to your girlfriend feelings insecure and requiring validation. Also, be honest with yourself, are you hiding anything from her? If you are, then she can perhaps sense that, and is getting upset by the triggering situations. If you are not hiding anything from her, then you need to make a decision, stay with her or break-up. To stay with her, I would suggest having a honest and validating convesation. Ask her what her boundaries are, and discuss yours. Tell her you are being upfront with her, and want to make her feel as secure as possible. Once the boundaries are discussed, stick with it. Of course, it may not be that simple from her end - there will likely be continued times she requires ongoing support to quash her insecurities. Everyone has problems and issues, everyone. You just have to pick the ones you can deal with.

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then my mate made a comment about this girl who he knew who always strips when she's had a few and I jokingly said nice, never even met the girl, anyway, my gf stormed out the flat, and told me next day how much I hurt her

 

LOL. Sorry but I would have the same reaction. Just a guy's reaction. Is it insensitive? Yes but is it worth someone storming out on? No. You might of deserved a slap but that's about it. Your GF sounds very sensitive to put it in dimple terms.

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Sounds like your girlfriend expects that you had no past before she met you and is pissed to find out that you did; not only that, but you had female friends and you respond sarcastically to comments about someone else's behavior when drunk.

 

However---texting your ex while out with your girlfriend is really REALLY bad form. Stop doing that. Turn your phone off. You can live without your cell phone for 3 hours, cant' you?

 

Yes, she should have talked with you instead of storming out and having a tantrum.

 

You would be well served to take a step back and rethink the wisdom in dealing with her. You will always have to walk on eggshells around her. That's no way to live or conduct a relationship.

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Look, I'm going to be blunt here. Your girlfriend has dated someone who likely was carrying on with an ex and so yeah, when you do some chowderheaded move like text an ex in front of her on a date (really?) or make an appreciative comment about a girl stripping her clothes off your GF just sees one thing--the guy who cheated on her under her nose before and did the same things. Yes, I think she's got a hair trigger, but you are doing some incredibly dumb things too. So let me break it down for you:

 

1. When you're out with a girl on a date DON'T text another girl in front of her unless it's your mother or sister, no not even that hot cousin that she doesn't know is the cousin you can't stand.

2. Don't make thoughtless appreciative remarks or comments about other women getting naked in front of a woman you're dating.

3. Think about how you'd feel for a moment if the roles had been reversed. You're sitting at a bar having a great time with your girl when a text pops up on her phone. You: Who's that? Her: Oh, it's my ex, just a minute while I answer him okay. She's smiling and laughing while she does so and all conversation has ground to a halt while her ex effectively interrupts the two of you bonding. Or her best girl friend is over and they're talking about some guy friend of theirs who works part-time as a Chippendale dancer. Her friend: Whenever Larry gets drunk he strips at parties, it's hot. Your GF: Nice! And you suddenly realize that your GF goes to a lot of parties with her girlfriend and Larry, the stripper.

 

See what I mean? I do agree her reactions are over the top, but you are also being clueless about your role in these little outbursts. I think this all started with you texting an ex while you were together on a date and yeah, that's just not a smart thing to do. Really, couldn't it have waited? It's such bad manners and I wouldn't probably have freaked out,I just would have told you to put down the phone and it could wait. And if you did it anyways or did it again that would be the end of us, period. That said this just sounds like too much drama all the way around and your GF is very obviously not over whatever insecurities or bad experience she had previously. And you are not helping.

 

That said why don't you introduce your girlfriend to your ex and let the two of them become friends? She'd see then there's nothing to worry about it and might go a long way towards calming things down. Both my SO and I have opposite sex friends and yes one of his is an ex, we just made sure to introduce each other and to include each other in these friendships. Largely to avoid the type of drama you're now getting.

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Maybe I'm just reading these forums too much, but I'm starting to think 90% of the world is insecure and jealous. Both men and women. Good luck out there.

 

The forum is biased because a lot of people post when they have an issue. I hope a lot of the people in the real world are less crazy.

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I post regularly - I have no marital problems at the moment, or for a long time. I have had 30 years of crazy before though! Ha! I do truly believe though that if you think someone is sane, it just means you don't know them well enough!

 

OP, dude, you had just started dated, then said you just saw your ex a weeks ago. When a person calls several of his exes crazy, the uniting factor is the person. When you do things like you did, most people would be like, !

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