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Weird situation: who is at fault here?


tom1607307597

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Let's say a guy a girl start talking and within 2 weeks of meeting the guy, the girl starts talking about sex stories with her ex. The guy did not initiate anything like that, but he goes along with it and thinks since she mentioned it she's possibly interested in sleeping with him. He acts on that and the girl accuses him of trying to sleep with her, stops all contact, etc. and the guy apologizes for thinking she meant that. Also before that conversation, the guy was taking things slow and having normal conversations with her. In case you're wondering, yes the guy is me.

 

Was the girl wrong for bringing up stuff like that early and giving him the wrong idea, or was the guy wrong for acting on what he thought was a sign of interest and moving too fast? What do you guys think? Not that it will change anything, but I'm interested in what other peoples thoughts on this are.

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Not sure why you'd assume that her telling you sex stories about her ex would mean she wants sex with you. I would assume she's still thinking about her ex.

 

That's the thing, if she wanted to friend zone me I can understand if she was talking about some guy she liked. The message is loud and clear there. Talking about sex though... Even my friend thought she was interested in really interested in me! She wouldn't have brought that up otherwise. Specifically she told me how she wish she had a boyfriend so she could try sex in public. Maybe I misread that but that's not something you tell your guy friend IMO. Especially after barely meeting.

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I think both are at fault. She shouldn't have started talking about sex if she wanted to take things slow (it doesn't matter if it was about her ex or her favourite positions or what) and he shouldn't have assumed that talking about sex is the same as doing it or wanting to do it.

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I don't know if wrong is the correct word as much as inapporpriate should be the word regarding her bringing up the sex talk. You gave yourself the wrong idea because you didn't ask her why she was talking about that.

 

I think that you should have spoken up and asked her to be clear on her reasons for talking like that instead of assuming she wants to have sex with you.

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You're both at fault. You should have tried for sex earlier rather than being a nice guy and taking it slow. She shouldn't have been talking about her ex to a guy that was into her.

 

You both wasted one another's time.

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Lesson learned. When a girl is talking to you about another guy, she is treating you like a gf, aka friend zoned. It doesn't matter if the topic is sex or something else, you can be sure that she is not thinking about you or is even remotely interested in you as a man. Never ever presume that if a girl is talking about sex with others, that it is an invitation for you. That kind of thinking can land you in jail.

 

Also whatever friend was egging you on telling you that she wants you was either being a jerk or is clueless. She was talking to you because she thought you were safe. When you pushed yourself, it was an unpleasant shock for her and freaked her out. Lesson for her too hopefully not to mess about with a guy who wants her when she is nowhere near ready or interested to date or get involved.

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I would do the same she did. I have an open relationship with my guy friends, and we can easily talk about sex, them having sex with their girlfriends, and me with my boyfriend. Nothing there. If one of them came on to me due to that I would think he was seriously socially retarded or a sad excuse for a friend.

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Didn't think about it that way. Honestly I wouldn't talk about sex with girls unless I was dating them, so for a girl to suddenly be so open about that threw me off. Miscommunication on my part I guess, I've never met a girl who's that open before. Is there any other misconceptions about girls when they're not interested that you want to mention, because I seem to run into a new one every time.

 

 

 

I think the boundaries were much clearer for you and the guys since everyone was in a relationship. In this case we were both single, which made it harder to read for me. Before I wasn't sure if she was looking for more friends or interested in me (I was being careful since we just met), and talking about sex threw it all towards she's interested side. Actually, if she had been dating someone I would have just assumed she was dirty-minded or a really open person instead of thinking she wanted to sleep with me.

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