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Ok, so me and my ex started dating about a year and a half ago. I was 21, he was 28. We had ALOT of drama in our relationship. It mainly centred around me accusing him of being negligent, going out/partying with his friends etc... I confronted him many times (emotionally) when he would ignore me to hang out with his friends or not talk to me for 3, 4 days until I called him. According to him, I was always the problem because I was "dramatic and needy". To me, I wasn't being treated with the attention and love that any woman would want. It was bad to the point that he did not even show up to my birthday at the last minute when we were still together saying he was "tired" (when I KNOW he went to party with his friends). Then when I SNAPPED at him, he broke up with me saying I needed to grow up, he couldnt "babysit" me like this, that I caused him so much stress thats why hes been partying and drinking the entire relationship. I was naive to the point that I believed what he said and promised and begged him that I would change. A couple weeks later he calls me apologizing saying he loves me I add so much value to him ... etc. We were fine for a week maybe until I saw messages on his fb that his "friend" (who he admittedly slept with, according to him before we were together) was calling him babe, apologizing etc...), on top of other evidence he was not fully loyal. Afterwards, he ended up moving to another city and we were long distance for about a month until the pattern continued and he didnt contact me, call me and I got mad at him and he broke up with me (again). We talked on and off for the next 4 months admitting that we missed each other, occasionally talked about the future. Then 2 months ago, I went to visit him in his city. We spent 3 amazing days together until towards the end I saw that he had an account on a dating website... I was crushed. I texted him (since talking about this was draining and led to arguments) that I was no longer committing as he was not committing and that I was moving on). We spoke a couple of times after that as I casually texted him and he called me. He would text me saying he was thinking of me etc... but when I texted him first, he ignored me. I got sick of the pattern so I stopped responding to him (he sent me a valentines day text couple weeks ago which I ignored).Then I deleted him off social media about 3 weeks ago. He hasn't tried to contact me since. I am still hurt as even though I cut off contact as a means to heal with myself, I was still hoping he would realize how much I cared for him during our relationship. He was on my friends facebook account and he is partying with alot of girls at clubs and seems to be living his life.

 

Even though I know deep inside it was a toxic relationship, I was blindly in love and had hoped he would change and realize how much I was good to him. Is that just completely unrealistic?

 

(Just as a side note, he introduced me to his family when we were together and before he left to move, gave me a gold necklace he wore for the past 10 years as a "token of our love")

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Mistake #1 was thinking that your love was going to change him. You can not change him. He has to have some huge life changing event to change his way of thinking. You are 21, hot, outgoing, passionate, full of love and he was not emotionally ready for someone like you.

You deserve a relationship that isnt so toxic, so rocky and one that you are happy 100% of the time.

He lost out on a wonderful person.. let him go

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Even though I know deep inside it was a toxic relationship, I was blindly in love and had hoped he would change and realize how much I was good to him. Is that just completely unrealistic?

 

It's totally unrealistic. link removed

 

Please read the article at this link and understand that you loving and doing things for a person has zero to do with whether they'll treat you right or not. And this guy clearly never gave you any indication that he'd treat you right, never. Oh and any SO not showing up for my birthday, because they were trashed from being out partying with their friends--it would be O.V.E.R. His actions, not his words, have been telling you all along that he does not love you and value the relationship. But what he does value is keeping you on a string to use whenever he feels like it. Sorry, you had a relationship with an addict, those are never built on honesty and trust. Let him go and go full NC, don't give in when or if he calls apologizing and claiming he'll change. You can clearly see a pattern here that he won't and yes, the relationship is toxic as all get out.

 

All you can do now is retain what dignity is left, go NC and go work on your own self-esteem and self-worth, so that you don't put up with anyone treating you like crap no matter what you feel for them. Love isn't letting someone else continuously crap on you.

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