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My boyfriend's brother was murdered


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You can't "help" anyone with grieving. He will process it as best he can.

If you see depression or other signs of a downward spiral you can suggest counseling...but he may not listen.

 

Give him space... let him know you are there if he needs you.

 

However...many relationships of short duration do not survive a family death.

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Everyone is different, and I would probably keep in touch and feel things out, listen, let him talk or not-talk, offer up low-pressure things to do together, go for a walk, get together for something, BE there in person some times but without expectations...

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Give him space but definitely keep in touch with him. I'd send him a text or two a day just to check in. You guys have been dating since August, so it's not like you started dating just last month. I think you should reach out to him once a day in a small way. You are his girlfriend after all.

 

Ask him what he needs, what you can do to be supportive. Maybe go for a walk, watch a movie together, talk it out, or maybe you could offer to make him a hot meal and bring it over to him and his grieving family.

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First off, I'm sorry that's happened to your BF and his family. Stay in touch, be there and tell him if he needs you for any reason he can call day or night. Also just find out if he needs help with anything--i.e. can you send him a few takeout meals, can you help make a few phone calls or send emails out if he needs someone to do that, whatever may help. Just tell him you'd like to be there and he can ask you for help and you'll give it. Think in terms of practical things, when I lost a very close friend to a car accident I was such a wreck I couldn't cook. My friends and neighbors all pitched in and brought over two weeks worth of meals that could be frozen then taken out and it was one of the kindest, most thoughtful things anyone has ever done for me. It helped immeasurably to have that one household chore taken care of while I processed everything and helped his family in making arrangements and grieved.

 

Don't bombard him, but do just reach out and then let him know you are there for him.

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