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Why do I still feel guilty?


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It was my ex's choice to break up with me. It was her choice to have sex with the guy she emotionally cheated on me with during the first week of our break up. It was her choice to tell me that I was completely to blame for the demise of our relationship, that I am a potential abuser. Why do I still feel guilty though for everything occurred? I still feel guilty for my actions and how things ended. I know I am a good person. Hell, I could have easily let my ex fail her classes. I did not have to help her for her classes. I owed her nothing, but I wanted to ensure that her happiness and well being. I want the best for her even though she hurt me. I want her to be happy even if I am not part of her life. I demonstrated how much I cared for her on multiple occasions, and yet I still feel, in the back of my mind, that I am still guilty for my mistakes. I guess it is just that I think my ex didn't appreciate me during our time together, I don't know. How did you recover from past guilt?

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Trust I feel so guilty right now because the breakup was my fault with my actions and words. I can't justify what I did but what I can do is seek help to understand why I acted like that and what triggered my reactions.

 

Seeking help is really helping me but its a long term project for better myself and fix those issues

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Trust I feel so guilty right now because the breakup was my fault with my actions and words. I can't justify what I did but what I can do is seek help to understand why I acted like that and what triggered my reactions.

 

Seeking help is really helping me but its a long term project for better myself and fix those issues

 

1. Accept that its too late to change what has happened and the relationship is over.

2. Do attempt to seek and understand why you acted like you did.

3. Be sure to not behave that way in future relationships

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You're trying to rationalize what you might have done to cause the breakup, when the truth is you likely didn't do anything. Except maybe overgiving a wee too much if she wasn't reciprocating back by helping you in some way. And bluntly speaking she may have even been using you to help her study and once she no longer needed you buh-bye. This is fixed by making sure you are in a relationship that is a two-way street in the future and not bending over backwards to help someone who doesn't return that help in some way or express appreciation of it.

 

It sounds like when she left she tried to turn it around on you and that's pretty common when someone is cheating and/or looking for a reason to get out of a relationship when they know they're the one at fault. It's why having an SO suddenly start picking weird fights with you out of the blue is one of the warning signs that they are cheating and/or are looking for a reason to break up. So yeah, you're trying to rationalize what she told you since you know deep down you didn't do anything, but be a pretty good boyfriend. She on the other hand doesn't sound like she was guiltless in this at all.

 

Stop trying to rationalize her behavior against what you would do and how you are and just see it for what it is. Learn from it and move on and I hope you've gone NC and aren't helping her with her schoolwork any more. Unless you were being emotionally, verbally or physically abusive or cheating on her then there is zero reason to feel guilty and it's not a rational emotion. It's something that does tend to come up sometimes when we focus too much on pleasing other people instead of just accepting what's in front of us and working out how to make sure we have an equal relationship in the future.

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Well, the night before the break up, I was dealing with a severe panic attack due to depression I was experiencing. My ex and I were fighting, and I raised a fist at her. I immediately stopped myself and started crying for nearly hurting my ex and emotional trauma I was experiencing. I tried to convince my ex to come with me to couple counseling and therapy, but my ex did not want to come.

 

Without restating my story for the 40th time, I found out that my ex was seeing someone else three days post break up, the guy she previously cheated on me with. I just crushing guilt as my ex told me that she broke up with me because I could become potentially abusive. I have never shown one sign of abusive behavior throughout our relationship. My ex told me we fought too much, but we barely fought and our fights were never anything that could be described as emotional abuse. I was labeled as an abusive monster by my ex and all her friends, and yet my ex desperately wanted to have a friendship with me and would say I was a good person.

 

It is just difficult to learn to love yourself again once you were labeled as abusive by someone you deeply loved. Hell, when I asked her if she left me for this guy, she laughed in my face and told me that I didn't understand why we broke up, and that I am a good person, but potentially abusive. I don't even think my ex truly believed I was abusive. I mean, why would you want to befriend an abuser, and always seemingly give them the hint that there is a chance that she would take me back? It's better if I don't try to rationalize her behavior, it only makes me confused and angry.

 

It is difficult to deal with. I am healing everyday, and I do feel better than how I was before, but it still hurts. I was a great boyfriend, and I deserved better treatment than this. Basically I learned that I was always willing to work through rough patches in our relationship while my ex wasn't. If someone loves you, and is willing to work on the relationship through couple counseling, go with them because I feel they are worth keeping.

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