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What does all this mean?


jalways44

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Hi everyone,

 

Many of you have probably read my posts in the past. I'm involved with a guy that lives in a different state. I have known him for about 3 years now, but we were always just friends before. Recently I got involved with him, over the summer we talked for about two months but in the end he told me he wasn't ready for a relationship so I let him go and moved on. I was always the one calling him/texting him, basically I made most of the effort and he did nothing. He had just broken up with someone about 6 months ago. He told me he wasn't over her so we ended things.

 

Recently beginning in NOvember he came back into my life. This time he makes all the effort, calls me, wants to facetime me all the time. He's come down to hang out with me twice in the past month. He told me a few days ago he is moving here because he just got a job here. He seems to be doing everything right, I have been keeping him at arms length because I don't want to get hurt. Everytime he thinks i'm mad at him he calls me and fixes it.

 

But there are two things that are bothering me. We have been talking again for about 4 months, but everytime I tell him I want a relationship he says he's not ready for one right now. Am I bringing up the relationship too early? Or do I have a right to know where this is going 4 months into it? Do I sound crazy to ask about a relationship right now?

 

Also another thing that bothers me is he talks about his ex sometimes. When he and I were hanging out last time with his best friend, he said my ex Veronica and I used to do this too. Then again yesterday he was telling his friend "Veronica" just had a baby. Am I overreacting to this? Is it okay for a guy to bring up his ex that much???

 

Not sure what to think or do, should I let this guy go?? The fact that he keeps saying he doesn't want a relationship right now is bother me and so is this ex girlfriend!! Someone help!!

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You are

 

A. Over reacting a little about the ex stuff. You only give 2 incidences and neither of them seem to show he is focused on her or mourning her loss.

 

B. Being told he doesn't want a relationship right now. Stop acting like you're in one.

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Keep him at arms length for now. Leave the conversation of a relationship out of anything until he brings it up.

 

You said he was moving close to you because he just got a job near you. Let him get there, set up and get settled. He is probably overwelmed with everything and a relationship is the last thing on his mind. As for the ex thing, you could mention it to him that its bothering you but, I could see that turning bad as you two are really a couple but it should already be a red flag that he is CLEARLY still not over her.

 

If you proceed - proceed with caution.

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I wouldn't bring up having a relationship with him anymore, he's told you he isn't ready for one. You do know what's going on, he's told you he isn't ready for a relationship. If you really have a good time together, I'd just put him in the "friend" category and let the idea of a relationship go. If you don't think you are able to maintain a strictly friendship type relationship with him, you probably need to let him go because it doesn't sound like he's interested in being anything more than friends.

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But why bring the ex up if he doesn't have feelings for her anymore or care about her anymore. He has brought her up twice in the past month.

 

I'm not saying i'm in a relationship with him, but I wanna at least know where all this is going. I wanna know if he's wasting my time. I don't know what to think because he keeps saying he doesn't want one right now, should I wait for him or leave him now?

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But why bring the ex up if he doesn't have feelings for her anymore or care about her anymore. He has brought her up twice in the past month.

 

I'm not saying i'm in a relationship with him, but I wanna at least know where all this is going. I wanna know if he's wasting my time. I don't know what to think because he keeps saying he doesn't want one right now, should I wait for him or leave him now?

 

Your life doesn't just disappear the second you break up. He had a life with someone. You're acting rather immature about it, actually.

 

If you feel like your time is being wasted, stop giving it to him. Its not going anywhere. He has told you that he doesn't want a relationship. Stop ignoring that and hoping it will change.

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jjkk, I see what you are saying but he is the one that calls me all the time/facetimes with me all the time. HE's so different now then he was over the summer, he's sooooo much more attentive now then he was over the summer. He's also very very jealous all the time. Everytime some guy posts on my facebook wall he accusses me of sleeping with him. He always wants to know who the guys in my life are. If he was so i

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But why bring the ex up if he doesn't have feelings for her anymore or care about her anymore. He has brought her up twice in the past month.

 

I'm not saying i'm in a relationship with him, but I wanna at least know where all this is going. I wanna know if he's wasting my time. I don't know what to think because he keeps saying he doesn't want one right now, should I wait for him or leave him now?

 

He is "friends w/ benefits" you. You allowing him to sleep with you without having a committment is letting him know he doesnt have to committ to you and he can still get what he wants.

 

I think you should analysis this whole thing especially with him moving closer to you soon - pros and cons list it out and see if its even worth you thinking you should stick around any further period.

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Why is that a red flag? What does that mean that he doesn't ever seem to trust me and I always feel like i'm explaining myself to him.

 

You really don't understand why this is a red flag? PLEASE do yourself a favor and stay away from this relationship. Then take sometime and focus on learning what healthy behavior is in a relationship.

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Sometimes I can be blind to red flags, I guess him being so jealous makes me think he cares. Do you think he would be the crazy possessive type?

 

Misunderstood you're right. I guess that's what you would call it. Do you think it's worth being patient with him and seeing if it turns into a relationship?

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Do you think it's worth being patient with him and seeing if it turns into a relationship?

 

I think holding out and waiting for something to happen would be a waste of your time. If you enjoy having him as a strictly FWB, then have fun with that but I think you'll end up hurt and disappointed if you hold out hope this will turn into a relationship.

 

As for the jealousy thing, you can remind him you aren't in a relationship and you can interact with anyone you want in any way you want, it's not his business. If he can't handle that then yes, red flag that he could be "crazy possessive" or just a jerk. He may be trying to have best of both worlds, no commitment to you but you being his one and only. Don't fall for that BS.

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