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What should I do?


Dadoftwo

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I'm a 25 year old dad of 2 kids. Their mom decided to leave me about 2 months ago. We where never married, but we where together for almost 9 years. (Since high school) Dec. 6th I found out she was talking to a guy she was talking to in high school. I took it cool tried to talk to her about it and figure it out. She kept talking to him and I blew up when I found out that she had told him she loves him. She left soon after and she's been talking to other guys, partying, drinking, getting high etc... I my biggest hope was to make our family stronger and stay together forever. I wasn't perfect in the relationship I admit that, but I was committed, and I still am if there is hope. I guess what my question is, how do I know if there is hope? And if there is how can I make it better? Thanks in advanced!

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The first thing you do is protect your children. If she is drinking and drugging and running around, that can risk your children's lives. So you need to sober her up with the understanding that if she doesn't knock off the partying, you will get custody of the kids. If necessary, the judge will order drug tests and even a hair drug test to find out how long she's been using and how frequently since that evidence remains in her hair as it grows out.

 

So your first task here is protecting your kid's by making sure she is not allowed to have them if she has gone off track and is drinking and drugging. Whether she comes back to you or not takes back seat to that responsibility you have to protect them as their father. She could expose them to unsavory men, drug dealers, and getting injured while she is doing drugs or drinking at home or while driving. So take that VERY seriously and make sure she knows you do and she'd better knock it off pronto. Contact a lawyer before you talk to her on the best way to handle this and to get custody of the kids or put her on notice that you will have the court order that she be tested randomly for drugs if she is going to be around your kids or taking care of them.

 

Really, do you want to be with a woman who's doing drugs, drinking, and sleeping with random men? I don't think you do. You shouldn't for a moment consider getting back with her until she really cleans up her act, and you can help her do that if you have a lawyer slap her with a court order to get tested for drugs and appear before a judge to discuss her drinking, drugging, and exposing your kids to random men in those situations.

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It sounds like she needs time to experience being a single adult on her own -- something she's probably never had if you guys have been together since high school.

 

I wouldn't be giving up hope so quickly while there's two kids involved, I'd let it play out a bit longer. I don't think there's anything you can *do* to make a reconciliation more likely, though -- if that happens, it's going to happen because she decides she's had enough of partying and really misses you and the connection you had and being together as a family.

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Sorry to hear man but I've been there before. Here's my advice, let her go. The sooner you do that the faster you can move on. Next step is go to court and seek full custody of your 2 kids. Don't let them get involve in this mess however reassure them that Daddy is always going to be there. GL

'

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About the kids in already talking to some lawyers, but they're so expensive so I'm just gathering up some money. And I am focused in them. The thing is that she basically keeps them when she wants and drops them off when he wants too. I understand that I need to get over her specially because I need to focus on my kids, but the problem is I love her! An it's so hard for me! I feel broken and every time she gets a chance she tells me some horrible things that just bring me down. How do I do it? What are some ways to get over the love of my life? The mother of my children, the person that once made me the hPpiest man on earth? If it's never going to work out I coul understand that, but how do I get over her?

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Pretty much echoing Laverderdove's comments. Your kids should be your #1 priority, period. Make sure they're doing okay and then worry about yourself. As for your ex, can she be anymore selfish? Leaving behind her kids to party? Not someone who I'd want to be with...

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I know you have feelings for her, but honestly, do not do anything that enables her drinking or drugging, especially when there are kids involved. So you need set up a regular schedule for the kids rather than her showing up and dropping them whenever she wants.

 

And you don't have to listen to her talk about things you don't want to hear! You can tell her that you love her and want to get back together, but if she is going to run around and behave this way, then you don't want to hear about her new men etc., and want to focus on talking about the kids and not her latest conquest.

 

It takes time to get over her, and structure. As in, take back control of your life, and establish structure for the sake of you and your kids. She doesn't get to wander in and out any time she pleases, but exchange the kids on a regular schedule, and limit the talk to either issues related to the kids, and no talk about her latest exploits. Don't let her 'friend zone' you. She's either in a romantic relationship with you as your wife, or she's out, on her own, and without you in the picture being her BFF and 'best buddy' while she runs around and carouses like a teenager. She'll have no respect for you if you let her run all over you or if you let her treat you like you're her bestest girlfriend.

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It's good that you love your kids and their mother. She does not love you. She wants to be free of you and (as much as she can) your children.

 

You cannot 'lover her back' to you. Maybe on television. This is real life.

 

Get a lawyer, protect your children and yourself.

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Well, she has kids wether she wants them or not. And they're going to cramp her party lifestyle. Don't under any circumstances let her forget what her responsibilities are or do any share of her work regarding the kids thinking this will make her want you again. Your kids will just suffer. Casey Anthony wannabe.

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